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Old 01-04-2005, 04:29 PM   #1
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Exclamation Delivery Room

Do most people have their mother and/or mother-in-laws in the room during delivery. Are you suppose to call people when you head to the hospital and just say "we'll call you when the baby's born" What if people just show up at the hospital and expect to stay in the room during delivery. I have a rather pushy mother in law and I have a funny feeling she expects to be in the room when the baby is delivered. My husband and myself are very uncomfortable with the idea of her being in the room during delivery. It's a private event for us, not a family picnic. Please tell me about some of your experiences.

 
Old 01-04-2005, 04:41 PM   #2
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Re: Delivery Room

I had my mother in the delivery room. I knew she'd be a good coach, where my DH would be observing everything like a science experiment! But it is SOOOOO up to you who you have in there. Don't ever let anyone intrude on this time if you don't want them there! I wouldn't be comfortable in the least having my MIL in the delivery room and my husband wouldn't have allowed it. She lives far away and wasn't able to be here, so it wasn't an issue for us.

But forget ettiquette. You have to do what's comfortable for you and your husband. It's noone elses experience but your own, and it's a privelige, not a "right" for anyone else to be there.

My whole extended family showed up at the hospital before my son was born, but I spread the word well ahead of time that only my mom and husband were staying through delivery.

If you have a hard time getting people to leave, just tell a nurse or your doctor. If you are afraid of offending someone, they can tell everyone there is a "one person" rule for delivery.
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DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005

Last edited by siren1024; 01-04-2005 at 04:44 PM.

 
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Old 01-04-2005, 04:49 PM   #3
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Re: Delivery Room

DH and I have decided that unless a complication arises we're not even calling anyone when I go into labor....to avoid the massive amount of family that might just 'show up'.....we'll make the calls after the baby is born.

This will also eliminate the needless worry that we know both our mothers will be going through.

 
Old 01-04-2005, 05:15 PM   #4
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Re: Delivery Room

I wanted my mom and my DH in the room if I was having a vaginal delivery. I know my pushy sister would have tried her hardest to be in there and my SIL kept hinting about being in the room also (I was in the room when she had her 4th child). Thank god they would'nt have been offended if I had to tell them to leave. I had a C-Section so only my DH was there but they had a viewing room thst my mom was able to watch the whole thing from. My 2 sisters got to see part of it. Now that I think back to it I would have allowed my sisters and SIL in there but I don't think I would ever allow my MIL to be there, thank god she lives in Ireland so I don't have to worry about it.

If I were you I would tell the nurses as soon as I get there that I only want DH in or whoever else and thats it. They are usually pretty good at telling people to get out.

Niamh Maire Rose
8/11/04
10LBS 6OZ
20.5 inches long
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10lbs 6 oz, 20 1/2 inches

 
Old 01-04-2005, 05:15 PM   #5
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Re: Delivery Room

Originally, I hadn't even wanted my mother to be at the hospital, but when my contractions started it made more sense for her to come along. At the end of the day another pair of hands only helped & it took off some of the pressure my husband was feeling. However, we played it by ear, and at each stage assessed whether she would be there - for the internals I wanted her out. We both assumed she wouldn't be there for actual delivery, but i was struggling with the pain and was in despair, and she was more of a comfort. She was also an added voice when I wasn't being heard. I am glad she was there, and I know it meant a lot to her. However, it wasn't planned, and perhaps with a different labour I would have felt differently.

Some people are extreamly close to their mother in laws, or other female friends - some are even close enough to their male family/close friends to want them there. But equally so, some don't even want their partners too close. It is all completely individual, and your RIGHT to decide who is and isn't there. Whether that means banning everyone to begin with, or kicking people out during labour who you thought you would want there, or asking for other people in.

The people who did support me during my labour made all the difference - they gave me strength, and the support I personally needed. Please make sure that anyone at your birth does the same thing - it is a crucial element.

 
Old 01-04-2005, 07:27 PM   #6
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Re: Delivery Room

I am very close with my parents. I called them as soon as I thought I was in labor. My mom even helped me keep track of contractions over the phone. My husband was rushing around packing his overnight bag (baby came two weeks early- thought he still had time to pack). My parents met us at the hospital. They both stayed in the delivery room with us all through labor. When it was actually time to push, my dad left the room. Our hospital only allows two people in with you during delivery, although my dad would have left regardless. My mom asked me if I wanted her to stay and I said yes. This baby is the first grandchild and I know my mom was absolutely thrilled to be able to share in his birth.

 
Old 01-04-2005, 07:53 PM   #7
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Re: Delivery Room

I guess I didn't care. I had my mom, my sister, my husband, my neice, my best friend and with the twins birth I even had my baby son in there. I personally liked the added help beause I was scared. I was aggrevated at first when my mom and sister showed up because that meant I was REALLY in labor and that freaked me out. My sister held my hand and my puke bucket. Every one played a part and I think it gave them all a close bond to my children by seeing them born. I seen my sister give birth and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. What a true miracle to see. If your worried about someone seeing your "privates", I can promise that it won't matter and usually family doesn't get right down there, they usuallly stand up by your head. IF you do decide to have a family member explain that you would like them to stand up at your head and also have them video tape!! I didn't get mine on tape and I regret it to this day! It is something very special for a grandmother live long enough to see her grandchild born, it is probably the greatest gift to give her. Whatever you decide I wish you a fast and comfortable delivery and a healthy baby!!

 
Old 01-04-2005, 08:00 PM   #8
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Re: Delivery Room

You should ask your ob/gyn how many people are allowed in with you. I know when I delivered i was only allowed 2 in the delivery room with me, but once I had to have a csection I was only allowed one in the room. I also had my mom with me the whole time she's always been my comfort and still is. my sister was also there, hubby wasn't but there is a long story behind that. I'd say if I get pg again I'd have my mom right beside me again!

 
Old 01-04-2005, 08:22 PM   #9
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Re: Delivery Room

I want my Mom and my husband in the room, but since my husband is a nurse, he will be trying to do stuff instead of being a husband and a Dad! Originally my MIL wanted to help deliver the baby, she is a LD nurse and thought that woudl be nice. And i quickly put a stop to that. Although I have heard that while you are going through it you dont' really care who is in there with you, lol. But, I am looking at it this way, I am the one having the baby and they can do what I want for a little while at least!

 
Old 01-04-2005, 08:30 PM   #10
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Re: Delivery Room

They won't really allow your husband to do anything if he is off duty for liability reasons. I know you are the one giving birth but if you have your mother in there then I think it's only fair that his mom gets to come too. It is half his baby too. If I were his mother I would be really hurt. It only happens one time in that childs life. I hope you let them both in on the joyous occasion.

 
Old 01-04-2005, 10:02 PM   #11
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Re: Delivery Room

Every ones different I understand how you feel though. I have a brother and his wife like that I didnt want there. What I did last time was this. I went to the hospital only telling my mother and dh who I wanteds there . When I got there I told the doctors I wanted no one else in there at all. When the other family arrived they told them I wasnt allowed any more people in the room. It sounds kinda mean but it didnt make me look like I didnt want them there it looked more professional.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 12:47 AM   #12
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Re: Delivery Room

Im having a problem with this whole situation. (I dont know if you all remember, but a long time ago back in september i believe, I posted about my other half wanting me to get a abortion etc..)Well we have been doing ok. He has gotten "attached" and is excited about the baby coming now.

When I first found out I was pregnant. I told my mother she could be in the delivery room! My other half told me he doesnt want her in there, that It should only be me and him. I dont have the Heart to tell my mother she cant now. All she talks about to peole is how she is going to be there when I give birth, and personally I WANT HER THERE! After my other half and I debated over this, I just dropped it because i did not want to keep it going, but I know he si going to have a fit when I tell him she is going to be there. I dont know what to do! We are also having a issue on the name for the baby. Gosh I swear i didnt know pregnancy came with so much aggervation. I want to name the baby Joseph call him Joey for short. My fathers father's name was Joe, also his brother who died in a car crash when he was 19 yrs old. Other halfs grandfather was also a joe. I want our son to be named Joe. He doesnt. It seems like he likes to disagree with me all the time. My father and I have our hearts set on naming the baby Joe, and Before other half and I found out the sex of the baby I told him, if a girl he can name her. If a boy I want joey. Now he wants cadan or something more unique. UGHHH... I dont want to hurt anyone here, and Im getting pretty ****** at other half. Their was also a issue on the crib idea. My parents offered to buy the whole set (crib,dresser, rocking chair, changing table, everything furniture wise. Other half tells me that Him and I should do that!!! They are trying to do something good for us and he always has a problem I wish someone could talk sense in his head! I wanna scream

 
Old 01-05-2005, 12:58 AM   #13
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Re: Delivery Room

Well now .. a) it's a personal thing and b) you will have enough people LOOKING DOWN THERE .. do you REALLY want more???

You will be tired, cranky (bring on transition) possibly say things you don't really mean at the peak of a contraction, and the LAST thing you need is worrying about people around you, what they are doing, thinking, behaving .. etc etc

IT IS NOT A PARTY .. it's bloody hard work !!!!!

I've had 3. My first was 36.5 hours of CRAP from the doctor. My brother turned up to say "G'day" and was given short shrift and asked to leave. He wasn't offended. My MIL was on her way, but was waiting until AFTER the birth because I felt it was a private (as much as possible) think between me and my hubby ... my best friend of (then) 12 years (who had 3 kids by then herself) turned up .. she was allowed. She was my back up support person.

Son was born via c-section at 10.22pm with enough medical intervention to keep you going for a decade .. and the last thing I wanted was extra people around.

Daughter was born vaginally, with minimal medical intervention, and the last thing I wanted was extra people around.

Daughter was born vaginally, and with NO medical intervention, I STILL didn't want any extra people around.

DO not feel like you have to have anybody with you if you REALLY don't want to. It will stress you out and possibly make things worse. If you do want extra people around, FINE .. but warn them, you will not be held responsible for what you say or do. Some people may expect you to 'perform' eg: not yell, moan, scream or cry, and that add's extra pressure.

So .. go with your GUT instinct. Do not do anything YOU don't want to do!! Do not feel you have to please everybody!!

And do let us know how you get on ...

It's your body, and from one who was treated horrifically with her first (but well with the other two) put your foot down and do what YOU want to do!!

Cheers & Goodluck

Sally

 
Old 01-05-2005, 05:03 AM   #14
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Re: Delivery Room

scared~ i hope you and your s.o. can get this all worked out beofre babys born. Sounds like you two have some real issues here. You the one having the baby if you want your mothers support too he should be ok with that. And as for thenamming the baby he should understand why you chose that name. I look at it like this. My dh has some say in our babys names yes but in the end they ask ME not him what I will name the baby. I went through 9 months of hell and hours of hell to have the baby spread eagle on the table. I should have the last say in it. Thats my op.

 
Old 01-06-2005, 08:06 AM   #15
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Re: Delivery Room

Speaking from a mother-in-law viewpoint, here is my experience. I had two daughters-in-law pregnant at the same time, due to deliver 5 days apart. During the pregnancy one of them repeatedly said that she wanted her husband, her mother and me there when the baby was born. We are rather close and I was thrilled. Unfortunatley, her mother didn't make it in time but I was able to be there. The other daughter-in-law said all along that she only wanted her husband there. That was fine with me because if I were in her place, I would only want my husband there. There was never any question. We knew all along what was wanted.

Strangely, when the daughter-in-law who DIDN'T want anyone in the room with her the first baby asked me at the last minute to be there to film the second baby's birth. Knowing that initially she didn't want anyone there, I stayed at the head of the bed and videoed the birth very selectively and never asked to see to video just in case there was something that she didn't want seen. At one point the nurse asked me to hold her legs (which meant being "close to the action") I simply told her that I didn't think that my daughter-in-law would want that. There was no other discussion.

Perhaps you could even mention to the nurse/doctor that during any exams and during the birth that she ask others to leave. I made it a point to leave the room during exams for both girls. Others can stay in the room as long as you are not in great pain IF YOU WANT THEM TO!!! Don't let anyone push you.

People has to remember that this is a very private time and just make sure that your husband gives frequent updates so that everyone will know what is going on. Even if people are initially upset, they will get over it once that bundle of joy is here.

GOOD LUCK!

 
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