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Old 01-09-2005, 07:07 PM   #1
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Zayazmama HB User
Unsure of baby's father.....

I have a question or maybe need to get an opinion from you ladies. Thank goodness this is not for me. I learned today that one of my neices (I have 2 neices - sisters, that are prego) is freaking out because she messed around when her and her boyfriend were, as she called it, on a break. However, a couple of days after her little 'fling' her and boyfriend kissed and made up - and then some. Now, she is pregnant, and due in about 8 weeks or so. I was surprised! Anyway.....She is nervous because both men were of the same race and she is scared that she wont know who the father is. She doesnt wanna talk to her boyfriend about it cause he will walk out quicker than anything. They already have 1 child together. Do you ladies think that there is a chance that you can tell if this new baby resembles the first one? I feel bad for her cause I know she is gonna have problems - and her kids will suffer if she isnt sure.

I told her that I will support her no matter what - she's family. Thanks in advance for any advice that I may be able to pass on to her.

Jen

 
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Old 01-09-2005, 07:40 PM   #2
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Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

this is definitely a sticky situation :-/..thats not very fair of the boyfriend to walk out on her if its not his child, but hey i guess ive seen some men do worse things :-( the only true solution i could offer is a dna test after the baby is born, but im not sure that there is a way to do that without the knowledge and consent of the boyfriend.. if you dont mind me asking though, and if you know the answer, if per chance that this current boyfriend is not the father, is 'the fling' going to live up to his responsibilities? and help raise and support the child? if either of them are going to leave your neice and her children for anything such as this mistake...thats not fair to the family as a whole. even if the child is not his, she should explain to him that she loves him and she made a mistake. he may even surprise her and be understanding. i would say, if possible, get a dna test and try and figure out how you want to take things from there. if shes due in 8 weeks, im sure shes got plenty on her mind already without worrying and stressing herself out wiht all this whobidiblahblah..lol..i wish your neice the best of luck..

 
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Old 01-09-2005, 08:51 PM   #3
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Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

Well....the boyfriend is a jerk anyway..... The other guy.....he knows of the possibility, from what she tells me. But apparantly he is not up for the task. He is very much into not wanting kids, working, etc.

I never thought about the DNA thing. I will have to check into the possibility of having guy #2 do a DNA test and see if she can do it without current boyfriend knowing. Hmmm..... I know she wont tell him unless she has to. Hes a complete jerk (i have been wondering for years what she see's in him).

I guess all I can do on my end is support her no matter what.

 
Old 01-09-2005, 09:02 PM   #4
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Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

definitely. support is all shes asking for :-). if guy #2 knows theres a possibility, maybe he will be willing to take a dna test. if it comes out negative, hes off the hook anyway, and if its positive...well...thats a decision she would have to make personally...whether to tell her current boyfriend or not...maybe this is a test to show who she really deserves. its not fair for her boyfriend to just up and leave her for making one mistake. granted, the mistake will last a lifetime, but that doesnt mean she hasnt recognized and felt sorry for the error. i hope everything works out ok, and i hope she finds..or stays with...a changed man who is willing to stay with her and accept her and the situation no matter what the outcome :-)

 
Old 01-09-2005, 11:04 PM   #5
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mommaboyz HB User
Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

I have to say looks dont matter My youngest is 1 and looks just like daddy our 2 year old looks like we left the hospital with the wrong one. lol its hard to say. I do hope the best for her.

 
Old 01-10-2005, 08:14 AM   #6
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nyxin HB Usernyxin HB Usernyxin HB User
Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

hey girl. you can tell her that she can get a DNA test done by using the sibling. if the boyfrined is the father of her other child and she isn't sure if he is the fater of this one, they can compare the 2 kids DNA. if he isn't the father of #2 then the DNA will be significantly different. they just use a swab in the mouth. nothing to it.
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Old 01-10-2005, 09:19 AM   #7
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hayley0610 HB User
Re: Unsure of baby's father.....

i was in the same boat!!! i had a bf of 5 yrs when i became pregnant for the first time and i had messed around with his best friend!!! well i never told him and by ultrasound dates it shouldve been my bf!! well things didnt work out between us due to other things and we split up when my dd was 4 months old. well he had heard rumours and decided when she was about a yr and a half to get dna testing and low and behold it was his best friends!!! it was very very stressful and because my child looked soooooooooo much like me i didnt really know who was the dad but looking back now it shouldve been obvious!! well when we got the results it was kind of a shocker and horrible for my ex to go through. he had the embrassment of telling his family and i felt like a "*****"! i also had to tell my family and i didnt feel i looked much better!! its so hard to give someone advice about this as everyones different but this cant be good for anyone and will only get worse for her emotionally. if i had to do it over again i wouldve come clean with my then bf even though we wouldve split up but i shouldve told him to begin with. im happy to report that even though it was hard for his best friend who was also my best friend at the time to deal with, but now he sees her all the time and takes care of her and we have a great relationship! (we arent together)if they were on a break this makes me think the relationship isnt too stable to begin with and chances are this isnt going to work out so why not save everyone the heartbreak and come clean. not to mention she is constantly going to be looking at this child and wondering and also this isnt fair on the child not to know who its father is.

 
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