It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Pregnancy Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-11-2005, 05:48 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,224
Gayle0000 HB User
When should in-laws visit??

Wondering what your thoughts are on this...

In-laws live in Texas, we live in Illinois. They have informed us they will be coming for 2 full weeks...they may extend it to 3 weeks...when the baby comes.

In-laws have no friends here. When they visit us (generally 1 week stints) they sleep in a hotel...but are still considered "houseguests" because they set themselves up in our spare bedroom, come to our house every single day and stay from about 10am to 9pm. They don't leave our house to do anything other than take us out to dinner. They just hang out every day, all day.

So, they are leaving it up to us on when would be the best time for them to visit & meet their FIRST grandkid. We don't want to deny them time when the baby is brand-spankin' new...but I also have been told the initial days/week is tough...and houseguests would be better off waiting a week or so after we figure out the breastfeeding thing and get some sort of routine in place.

Anyone?
Gayle

 
Old 03-11-2005, 06:06 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,479
blue_eyed_girl HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

It is up to you. We really didn't have any house guests. My mom stayed a few nights here and there and we went out of town and stayed with both parents. Believe me, you will be so tired that having them around will be a blessing. They can watch the baby (who will probably sleep most of the time) while you nap inbetween feedings. I have talked to lots of women whos mothers or MIL stayed with them to help out.

There really isn't a routine. My baby is 10 weeks and we feed him whenever he is hungry (about every 2-4 hours during the day and 1-2 times a night). The lactation nurse told us to feed him every 2-3 hours when he was a newborn. Just think, you will be up ever 2-3 hours for several weeks. If you have someone there with you it is a lot easier.

I would wait until your child is atleast a week old. That way you are familiar and comfortable with breastfeeding.

Good luck!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-11-2005, 06:55 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 172
hreiter HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

Well, we are almost at 9 weeks, and haven't told our parents yet... we are planning on it this weekend. His parents live an hour away, but my parents live several states away. This will be the first grandchild for each, so I am sure my parents will be up for the birth (I am actually planning on taking my husband and mom into the room with me)... I have no idea how long they will stay but I will sure welcome the help... I know my mom will help me with the cleaning and watching the baby when I need some extra sleep...

 
Old 03-12-2005, 08:24 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,469
cattieos HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

When should In-laws come? NEVER! No seriosly, I dont' think mine will be here much, they don't like me and DH's Mom really doesn't like him that much. But my Mom will be here alot, she lives next door! And honestly, if the people who come will respect my wishes and NOT wake the baby, and let me sleep, I dont' care who is here, as long as they wash their hands! It will be helpful to have people

 
Old 03-12-2005, 10:02 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 356
MissChicopea HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

I don't know, I think being around for 3 weeks straight for that many hours would be extremely tiring. You need time to bond with your new baby and for you and your husband to develop a new routine. If my ILs suggested such a thing they'd be laughed at. We get along just fine and they are sweet people, but I wouldn't even want my own mother around THAT much and she's great! You can't be expected to entertain and take care of a new baby. Also, you may find that MIL tries to give you much advice that just don't want to hear. It may be innocent enough, but it can still be intrusive and annoying. Granted I'm giving the negative side of things, but think of it realistically, do you want your ILs around that much?

 
Old 03-13-2005, 06:15 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,224
Gayle0000 HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

MissChicopea...I think the way you think...that's why I'm bringing this up. Actually, it has now been confirmed since my initial post, they are definitely staying for 3 weeks and not 2 weeks. I personally feel 3 weeks is waaaaaay too long. 2 weeks is too long. My husband has told them 3 weeks is a long time but they insist they are coming for the 3 weeks.

The bottom line is they are coming for 3 weeks whether we like it or not, so we need to come up with something that works for our schedule.

My thoughts the last few days has been to have them come 2 weeks after the baby is born. By then, the first week of being thrilled & on a baby high at home will be over. 2nd week home will reinforce a routine. I figure if inlaws come around 3rd week, we will have had our bonding time, and we'll start to get really exhausted & need the break.

By that time I could probably put them to work with household chores & cooking getting a bit behind, mowing the grass, etc. Maybe by giving them jobs, it can ease some of the stress of them just being here.

Maybe?
Gayle

 
Old 03-13-2005, 08:31 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,469
cattieos HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

I told my DH today that if his mom was going to be here, which even though she lives only 45 minutes away, she was going to respect our schecule and NOBODY was wakign that baby, or me up! He laughed and said ok. The same thign will apply to my Mom, but she lives next door, lol, so she will be there. I think if they will help you with chores, it will be better. Although MILs are really really bad, I hear, about saying mean things about your parenting skills. If mine does, I will probably not be nice about it. I hope you have more restraint that I!
Good luck!

 
Old 03-13-2005, 08:35 PM   #8
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: MA
Posts: 356
MissChicopea HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

One thing you can control is whether or not you answer the door. You can set up ground rules from the get go.

If you're too tired, they need to leave so you can rest.

Tell them that no one can come over until 11am (or even later)

One idea would be to insist that they wait until DH is home since they are his parents.

Also, tell them that there will be some days that you simply would like to have to yourself.

Like you said, they insist on coming, but that doesn't mean you have to let them in. If they have a problem with it, your DH should be the one to handle it. They are his parents and he is not the one recovering from child birth. You have every right to want time to yourself. Even if you hadn't just given birth that seems excessive to me. I wouldn't want to be around my best friend for three weeks non-stop. People get on each other's nerves. I can't imagine how stressful it can be if you add hormones, new baby, exhaustion to the list. Maybe you and DH need to sit down and make sure you're on the same page before they arrive.

 
Old 03-14-2005, 08:18 AM   #9
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 21
rhonda45 HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

Here is a thought from the Mother-in-Law perspective..... I will be going to be with my son and my daughter-in-law hopefully for the delivery and a couple of weeks after... As a MIL I plan to say as absolutely as little as humanly possible about parenting skills and do lots of cleaning and cooking and holding baby. I work at a school so I am use to giving others suggestions (actually plain ole bossing) but I really hope to keep my mouth shut. I plan to try and remember how horrible my mother-in-law was and do the opposite. HA! I would hope you could talk to your in-laws comfortablely and honestly, maybe with DH helping... tell her your hopes/goals/fears. This baby will be a BIG deal for them and they want to bond with it also, but first and formost is your and your hubbys bonding with baby. Tell them, be honest, but firm.. what you would like from them... have lots of chores and yard work for them. I'm sure they want to be helpful.. at least that is how I am... I also would expect my daughter-in-law to be honest with me. and knowing her she will tell me when it's time for me to leave.. (I live 8 hours away)

 
Old 03-14-2005, 09:31 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,130
hillaryb HB User
Re: When should in-laws visit??

It was very rude of your in laws to tell you when they are coming and for how long. You need some time to establish a schedule with the baby, and instead of TELLING you when they are coming, they should have been ASKING you. Having a new baby is a huge change, and your loved ones need to respect that. I dont know. I guess im just a little in shock--my family would NEVER tell me what they plan on doing--they always ask first and the dont make every situation about them and what they want. Oh my gosh, has half the planet forgotten what manners are??

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do you know when you're having a seizure? tigger67 Lupus 10 09-30-2010 06:52 AM
Do you feel calmer, happier when night comes? treelover Depression 35 11-22-2009 06:04 AM
HELP! how do i know when my penis started growth or when its finish growth? RageingFlame Sexual Health - Teens 1 10-12-2008 06:14 PM
i can't orgasm when i'm on bottom. Sheridan19 Sexual Health - Women 9 04-27-2008 10:16 AM
You know you have panic disorder when... part 2 Parker10 Panic Disorders 18 07-31-2006 04:46 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (6), mumovhann (2), kittenkaboodle (2), Xkwizit (2), TwinMamma (2), cattieos (2), quinyonna07 (2), Kali333 (2), yellowbird14 (1), Sprout07 (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1175), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (846), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (753), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:18 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!