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Old 05-16-2005, 04:02 PM   #1
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please help me

My beautiful wife of 3 years has gone insane for lack of a better term. It doesn't seem to matter what happens recently, but none the less it is my fault. Don't get me wrong, some of it is my fault. Not throwing the pringles can away. Having the energy to take the dog on a run, but not enough to throw out the trash. The list goes on. Now here's the skinny. I have always had a temper. My entire life. But I've been really good at repressing it. The only thing I can't handle is someone yelling at me with no valid reason. Especially when I'm not able to calm them down (which I usually am). This doesn't seem to be a good temper enhancing trigger with a 7 month pregnant wife. I love my wife dearly, but am looking into divorce. I would gladly listen to any advice that anyone has to give me. Please help.

 
Old 05-16-2005, 04:12 PM   #2
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Re: please help me

Well the first and formeost thing you must remember is that her hormones are raging!! She cant exactly control it so you should bear with her!! Just 2 months more and then her hormones should start to calm down a bit. Just try to remember the good times when she wasnt so upset. Divorce might be a bit overboard!!! Just try to talk to her calmly when she isnt upset and explain to her how you feel. Good luck

 
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Old 05-16-2005, 04:15 PM   #3
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Re: please help me

Dear Sir,

Despite your wife's seemingly over the top behavior, now is definately not the time to abandon her. This is my first pregnancy as well and I definately underestimated the effects of hormones. Rapidly changing hormones, along with the stress of a drastically changing body and the thought of a soon to be significantly changing life can certainly have an effect on mood and even sanity. As a pregnant women, it sometimes feels that we are the only ones "going through" all the hard stuff. I would recommend just working on super tolerance and try to understand that it will probably get better after the baby is born, as her hormones start to get back to normal, and she sees that the stress (and joy) of being a parent effects both of you.

The last thing you would want to do is walk away from your wife and your baby when the best parts of your life as a family are just ahead. If you feel like there is more than just raging hormones to it, at least try couples counseling first. You have too much to lose to walk away at this point.

 
Old 05-16-2005, 05:14 PM   #4
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Re: please help me

I really appreciate the advice. Tonight is the pringle can battle I was refering to earlier. I work 12 hour shifts in a high-stress enviornment and come home to this. I was bored when I got home and my wife was sleeping so I took the dog on a run. 15 minutes after I got home, I was sitting on the floor having a bottle of water. My wife came down and started slamming cupboards, and muttering to herself. I told her to go lay down and the battle commenced. I thought I was making a suggestion, but it may have come across as an order. I haven't changed my tone in the 3 years we've been married (or from before we were). Is this purely a hormonal thing that she always thinks I'm ordering her around, or yelling? I really don't want to walk away from the situation. That's not my style. But I am very wary of bringing a child into this enviornment. I'm terrified of being a father as it is. With my wife and I not getting along.... I don't know.

Last edited by desperatehusban; 05-16-2005 at 05:15 PM.

 
Old 05-16-2005, 05:24 PM   #5
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Re: please help me

I remember when I was pregnant. I drove my hiusband to the point of actually losing it. I did not even realize what I was doing. I was si self engulfed that I could see nothing excepy me and my baby. To boot I had a miscarriage just before I became pregnant.
Hang in there buddy! Just a couple of more months. And you will be able to something right again! lol
Maybe some alone time away from work for just you would help. It can help to re-energize you both mentally, physically and spiritually!

 
Old 05-16-2005, 05:30 PM   #6
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Re: please help me

Hey Desperate...

Sorry your so frustrated...but yes, it certaunly sounds like her hormones are acting up. I know it's frustrating...because truthfully??? Even I can't stand MYSELF sometimes!!! I hear myself sometimes and think "what is my problem? I am SUCH a bit@H!!" Your wife needs you right now...please try as hard as you can to be supportive. Maybe figure out a nice way to address it with her, explain what your feeling and why things are going the way they are...and ask her what she needs to make things seem better...Chances are...it's not REALLY about pringles...maybe she just needs to talk?

Good luck, and hang in there...it WILL be worth it when your brand new baby comes!

Jenn

 
Old 05-16-2005, 05:32 PM   #7
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Re: please help me

Just wanted to say I know it can be hard I watched my closest friends go through their second pregnancy after they were married and both of them were so upset a lot of the time they talked about divorce. After the baby was born however they both calmed down pretty much right away and things worked out for them. For the sake of your wife, your child, and you, try as hard as you can its only 2 more months and things can get better. If they don't get better right away at least it will be easier to talk to her than now when she has hormones. I know I get upset sometimes if my husband suggests something to me and maybe I take it the wrong way but I try not to be irrational about things because that is one thing that was a problem even before we got married. I hope you can work things out with your wife and remember it may be hard right now but things will get better.

 
Old 05-16-2005, 06:36 PM   #8
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Re: please help me

Hi Desperate,

I probably sound like everyone else here. This is my first pregnancy and it is very hard. I expected the physical stuff but not the emotional roller coaster. I feel sad and angry a lot and don't really know why. I feel guilt around this because I am "supposed" to feel all happy. My doctor has to keep reassuring me that it is just hormones. I can only imagine what it must be like to be experiencing them second hand.

My husband and I talked and have embraced the idea of alone time. I somtimes just can't be around him and know that I have to go out and do something or be in another room. I don't know if your wife has times in which she is more receptive than others. Maybe you could talk to her then and tell her how you feel. Ask if it might be better if you gave her some space here and there. Let it be her idea. I hate it when my husband suggests things to me right now, no matter how much sense they make.

Sorry there is no good answer except that your wife cannot control a lot of how she feels. When we are tired, it is also extremely difficult to control how we act on those feelings. Sometimes, it is impossible.

Hang in there.

-Jen

 
Old 05-16-2005, 08:14 PM   #9
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Re: please help me

Its hormones! Just try to be sympathtic and whatever you do DO NOT tell her she isbeing irrational! i was yellign at my husband the other day because he called into a radio station show! I have no idea why, but that made me SOOO mad, and he says to me, you are really being really irrational, and well that just set me over the top, i said, I know I am being irrational, i dont' need you to tell me that, and you telling me that does not make it better! And another day I was soo disgusted by him, for no reason that I had to leave the room to keep from throwing up! And then other days I am very lovey dovey. Just bear with her, and keep thinking that it is just the hormones, its not really her! good luck!

 
Old 05-16-2005, 11:03 PM   #10
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Re: please help me

Just try to remember that pregnancy is only temporary and it will all be over soon. Then you will have new challenges, and those too will be temporary. Your wife needs you right now, and with her hormones out of control, she may not even know what she wants. She is also probably really uncomfortable, not getting enough sleep (even if she seems to sleep all the time, she has to get up every couple of hours to go to the bathroom, so it's all broken sleep), her hormones are probably driving her nuts and making her feel like she's lacking control over herself, and she's probably petrified of labor. All these things are on her mind. That doesn't give her the right to use you as an emotional punching bag, but you have a front row seat. When she's not in a rage, try talking to her and tell her you'd respond better if she were to ask you for what she wants instead of yelling at you (do this calmly and delicately, her hormones are still uncontrollable). Let her know that you are not purposely trying to irritate her. It would also help if you tell her sincerely how you feel about being a father and being scared and overwhelmed. She is most likely feeling the same things - overwhelmed by the responsibility, but excited at the same time, petrified about labor, nervous about the drastic change in your lives, wondering how your intimate relationship will change, worried if you will still find her sexy AFTER the baby is born (and also now that she's gained weight and is very self-conscious about it). Talking about how you feel should diffuse the situation and get her to talk about what the real issues are, which probably have little to do with you and more to do with fear of the unknown. Choose your timing and don't do it when she's in a tizzy over chips. You have to do it when she's relatively sane. Good luck!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 12:27 AM   #11
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Re: please help me

Desperate, WARNING most of us are pregnant here and have the same hormonal imbalances. Just kidding, kind of. But seriously, be patient, as everyone has said. You have to remember all of the changes and stresses your wife is going through. I'm not in your shoes, so I can't really judge, but I'm a bit judgemental, sorry, but chances are her stresses from all of the changes she is going through are probably a bit more dramatic than the stresses of living with a hormonal pregnant woman. I'm sure its difficult dealing with it as a man, but think about what we deal with. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure every woman who has had children will tell you its well worth it, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. Its quite tough for both parties involved, but think about what is coming next? A beautiful baby. A tiny person you created with her out of love. Isn't the thought so amazing?

 
Old 05-17-2005, 04:51 AM   #12
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Re: please help me

when my mom was pregnant she didn't talk to anybody. .she just stayed to herself and it was a hard time to deal with. It drove my dad insane but they just celebrated their 22nd anniversary!!
Hope everything works out for you

 
Old 05-25-2005, 03:54 PM   #13
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Re: please help me

My wife and I went on vacation recently and it solved many of our problems. We had a chance to talk over many over our problems. Granted, I'm still an "immature ********", but I guess I can accept that lol. It was our three-year anniversary and we drove down to Atlanta to relax. We went to the zoo (too many smells, bad idea for future reference lol) but managed to have a great time. We took lots of pictures. We had booked a decent hotel downtown but I decided to cancel it and surprise her. We stayed on the 49th floor of the Westin instead. Very nice. Things seem to be going a lot better though we still battle about silly stuff. If nothing else comes out of all of these family quarels at least I'm in the best shape of my life as much as I'm running and going to the gym as they are valid reasons to leave the house. We are entering the 3rd trimester. Thanks to everyone for the advice earlier. Any helpfull hints for here-on-out?
ps. is there a more efficient way to look these up? I just scrolled through a hundred and some odd pages to find my thread.
Thanks again for everything.

Last edited by desperatehusban; 05-25-2005 at 04:01 PM.

 
Old 05-25-2005, 05:13 PM   #14
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Re: please help me

Yeah there is a way to search on here.
We did the vacation thing too and it helped. We went when I was about 4 months pg. I have about 2 more weeks to go and I would say that there is still an emtional roller coaster to go through. I cried alot in the first trimester and now I do it constantly. I find that I understand my hormones better now that I had them for so long but I cry all the time. Plus her hormones are going to be all out of sorts right after the baby comes. My friend just had her baby and she was telling me that she finds she is crying alot and hormonal but she said she thinks some comes from being so tired all the time. And I have to say for me too, when I get tired things get worse. The other day my husband was telling me that he missed me. He was meaning the person I was. Hang in there and do your best. Remember one day you will have a beautiful baby and your wife will be herself again after the hormones are done messing with her real good. Make sure she gets plenty of sleep and if not sleep, rest and relaxation. Let her yell just don't yell back. She will feel better and tell yourself, that is not my wife just hormones. If she seems to be upset or something is wrong encourage her to tell you and get it all out. As long as you are quiet and let her talk it all out, she will begin to talk in circles and probably even realize it was not a big deal. My DH does this to me, if I go off, he shuts up. By the time I am done I get very fusterated because he won't fight back. And then when I am all done talking he just apologizes, says yes dear and moves on. Kinda works for both of us right now. I feel I was heard and he just agreed but deep down we know it was those crazy hormones.

 
Old 05-25-2005, 08:07 PM   #15
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Re: please help me

the westin in atlanta is very nice, good call! And they have great pancakes for breakfast! LOL. Anyway, just be patient, you don't have too much longer to go! and most defintely don't answer back, and surely don't tell her she is being irrational! It will get better some time. I leveled off during the second trimester and up unitl lately when I threw the biggest fit over a mixing bowl and a dish towel! my DH has been trying to be sweet lately, I was on bed rest for a while, and he was really good, but somehow that actually makes me feel worse! but I am not saying dont' be sweet, lol.
Good luck!

 
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