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Old 05-17-2005, 11:04 AM   #1
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LadyBri HB User
Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

Hello everyone! I have a huge problem...I am 20 weeks pregnant and my partner and I have started discussing who should be in the delivery room. I definitely want my mother and of course my partner with me the entire time...I am not so sure if I am comfortable having his mother in the room when I give birth...him and his family are outraged at that idea. What should I do???

 
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Old 05-17-2005, 11:57 AM   #2
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hreiter HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

Well first of all I would check to see how many people you can have in the delivery room... at the hospital I am delivering at I can have 2 people in when I deliver, If I go in for a c-section I can only have 1... so my husband will be in either way and my mom will be in the delivery room also with me... If you can only have 2 people in, then to me I would want my husband and mom... my mother in law can come in afterwards....

 
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Old 05-17-2005, 12:13 PM   #3
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

My husband and I had the same argument. We compromised and ended up with this: Family and friends can be present UP UNTIL the pushing starts! Then everyone out!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 12:18 PM   #4
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

I would do just the opposite of Pittbullover...I'm going to have my husband and mom with me while I labor, then if his mom wants to come in while I push she can...that's actually what my midwives recommended. I definitely don't want other folks in the room while I'm laboring & in pain and trying to deal, but I think by the time I'm ready to push, I won't really care - and that's what most parents want to see anyway, the baby right when s/he comes out - they don't really need to see you grunting and sweating and feeling horrible for the 10 or however many hours up until that point. If they're giving you a hard time, you can have your doctor or midwives tell them flat out that they're not allowed in there with you - not quite the truth, but it'll likely spare their feelings hearing it from a doc vs. hearing it from you. the point is that it's YOUR body and YOUR labor, and no one else has a right to tell you who needs to be there. you need to take care of you!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 01:32 PM   #5
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LYNN9731 HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

These kind of threads always amaze me. There will be nobody in
the room with me except my partner. Having our child is as private and personal as conceiving him. If by some freak chance my b/f doesn't make it
in time due to work, then and only then would I want my mother present. I
read a story once where a women had her parents, his parents, prior children, a sister and a friend in the room with her. I think that's nuts. Anyone else feel the way I do?

 
Old 05-17-2005, 01:53 PM   #6
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

I think it's 100% up to the couple. If you want a party in your room, have one, if you want a private quiet affair have it that way!
Either way you end up with a beutiful little baby!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 02:07 PM   #7
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hugs28 HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

When I had my daughter, it was just me and DH. This one I was thinking about my parents also, but nothing has come up about his mom, yet, or maybe not at all. Who knows, we will see. But I was also thinking, since I will ask my mom to watch my DD when I go in, that hopefully, they will be at the hospital before pushing, cause I have this thing for wanting my DD to help in some way. Not that she has to watch down there, but I was thinking maybe when the baby comes out, she can tell us what we have, and possibly cut the cord with her daddy. I have mentioned this to DH, but not for sure yet. She does not have to be there for the labor part, but since I was going to ask mom if she wants to be there and she is watching DD, then it would be perfect, she can do both while I push also.

I think it is a matter of who you want, and what not, I don't think there is a big deal having 50 people in your room, if that is what you want, why not. Not everyone wants anyone at all in there room, but some just wanna give others the joy of seeing there grandchild, or whatever born. I think it is up to you and DH to decide. Remembering it is there grandchild also. good luck with whatever you decide.

 
Old 05-17-2005, 02:15 PM   #8
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

Quote:
Originally Posted by pittbulllover
My husband and I had the same argument. We compromised and ended up with this: Family and friends can be present UP UNTIL the pushing starts! Then everyone out!

I would go with this idea. then she can still be there but not the exact moment. if your not comfortable with it it dont add to your stress.

 
Old 05-17-2005, 02:25 PM   #9
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

LYNN9731.. i totally agree with u! me and my partner will be there as its OUR creation and our time!! its mad having the whole family in there!! they will be there for you when u have given birth but why have them all watching it? its not a tv show afterall!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 02:33 PM   #10
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ducki979 HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

lynn....tallgirl.....i completely agree~

my mom wants to be in the room, but i put my foot down months ago and said NO WAY!.....and you know what she said to me....."all my friends have got to be there when their grand babies were born....i dont see why you have such a problem with it!~".....all i could think was......and if your friends all jumped off a bridge....would you follow?????!!!!!!!!?????
i was very firm with her.....she can come in when my little man arrives....she can be the first one in the room......but not until then.....period~

 
Old 05-17-2005, 02:39 PM   #11
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ducki979
lynn....tallgirl.....i completely agree~

my mom wants to be in the room, but i put my foot down months ago and said NO WAY!.....and you know what she said to me....."all my friends have got to be there when their grand babies were born....i dont see why you have such a problem with it!~".....all i could think was......and if your friends all jumped off a bridge....would you follow?????!!!!!!!!?????
i was very firm with her.....she can come in when my little man arrives....she can be the first one in the room......but not until then.....period~
Well said! LOL

 
Old 05-17-2005, 03:04 PM   #12
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siren1024 HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

I allowed anyone and everyone in the room with my first until I started really being in pain. Then I had the nurse kick everyone out except DH. That way noone got mad at me. I felt awful b/c I'd originally intended to have my mom in the whole time. I just wasn't thinking clearly at the time!! Then after I got my epidural and was comfortable, I let everyone back in until I got to the pushing stage. Then I kicked out everyone but DH and my mom, having the doc site a bogus "two people during delivery" policy. He didn't care, but he covered for me. LOL. Alot of doctors or hospitals will do this for you if you want to take the non-confrontational route like I did!

When I had my DD we had moved 16 hours away and it was just me and DH. I actually wished I had some more company then!
__________________
--Kellie
Married 09/28/2002
DS born 07/05/2003
DD born 3/24/2005

 
Old 05-17-2005, 03:17 PM   #13
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

Lynn, tallgirl, duckie...I'm agreeing with all of you. Just me and my husband.

Nobody else is invited in the room. They can come in until I say it's time to leave...and all wait outside if they want. Just because my hospital allows 4 people in the room doesn't mean I need to round up 4 people to make sure it's a worthwhile birth.

I originally asked my mom if she had an interest in being there only because my husband originally said he didn't want to be there. I figure I'm the one giving birth, my privates exposed to the world, and my pain, I should pick the person I want to hold my hand. My mom said no, so I was planning on just me, my doc, and the nurse...until my husband decided he does want to be there.

My MIL is trying VERY hard with games of guilt, disappointment, being left out, and so on to try to weasel her way into the room...even after she's been told NO several times.

This question has been posted several times since I've been a member, and the only solution that sounds reasonable to me in most situations is everyone is allowed in the room...or nobody (except husband/partner).
Gayle

 
Old 05-17-2005, 03:36 PM   #14
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littleone314 HB User
Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

When I had my first baby I went into delivery with the notion that I wanted everyone who wanted to be in there..in there. However, when the pain got really bad I wanted only my mommy, lol. The hospital I delivered at had a strict only 2 ppl in the room (at any time) rule. I thought this was rediculous as this was a family event, in my mind. I wanted my best friend in there as well however it ended up being just my mom and my grandma at the actual birth. I felt extremely blessed that my grandma got to witness her great-grandchild's birth.

This time around I will be delivering at the same hospital hopefully and I want my mom and fiance in there. Everyone can rotate around before the actual birth but when the pushing starts, everyone else has to go, except him and my mother. My mother and I are very close and she is wonderful when it comes to helping me calm down and deal with the pain!!

 
Old 05-17-2005, 04:35 PM   #15
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Re: Please Help!!!!!! Delivery room problem...

At the end of the day I'M the one delivering this baby and going through all of the pain so the final decision rests with me. Luckily (and I don't mean to sound nasty when I say "luckily") both my and DH's families live far away so we don't have to go through this drama. No matter what anyone would have said it was always going to be just me and DH in the delivery room.

 
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