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Old 05-18-2005, 08:55 PM   #1
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Unhappy Is this bad of me?

My ex's Mom and her soon to be husband who is just a GREAT guy are coming up for Memorial weekend and want to see me well I just don't want to see them. They don't know how I got pregnant. My ex has lied to them and basically they think we were in this loving relationship. HA what they don't know would shock the hell out of them. Anyway, my ex told me NOT to tell my DS that he was the father so I haven't told him. I am not sure why he didn't want me to tell him but my Mom said the samething. Anyway, I don't want to see them for many reasons... 1. I don't feel comfortable around my ex saying all that he did to me 2. I don't want them to slip in front of my son about him being the father 3. His Mom is a pushy broad who I don't feel like dealing with a week before I am due. Now WHY are they coming up a week before she is due is beyond me. They know when I am due so I'm not sure why they are taking off from work yet. Also, my Mom absolutely HATES my ex and I understand why I do too but his family has NO clue how this happened and I don't want to put my Mom in that situation. I know I will have to see them once she is born but I just dont' want to see him nor them. I'm not even calling him when I go to the hospital I'm waiting until I get home with her and get settled. I'm also telling him that for the first month NO one is welcomed. His family is latin and nothing against latins but they are very pushy and very controlling family and he says it's because of their backgrounds but I don't feel like having to deal with a bunch of people who I can't even understand. Am I being a horrible person? He doesn't think he did anything wrong he thinks I "wanted it" so when I told him my family knows how it happened he told me I was messed up and I shouldn't have told them. I know I will have to deal with him and his family and really his Mom is a nice lady and is so kind to my DS but she like I said is pushy and controlling. The boyfriend is so very sweet and I just love him but I just wish I never had to deal with them again. Am I horrible???
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Jade Elizabeth 6/7/05 @ 7:41pm

 
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Old 05-18-2005, 09:13 PM   #2
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Re: Is this bad of me?

NOPE your not.... If i were you even though you are that far along and you really didnt want to be around them I would go for walks out shopping by a friends just somewhere away from them while they are around... Just to avoid stress which is bad on a pregnant woman Good Luck and keep us posted....

 
Old 05-19-2005, 06:05 AM   #3
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Re: Is this bad of me?

NO WAY!!!! You deserve to be as comfortable as you possibly can be at this stage of your pregnancy. You mean to say this man raped you and he has the nerve to think he should be around you and/or your baby? Hes a nut job! Dont protect him!!! Let his family know you arent up for visitors. They might be coming so that they can be in the waiting room or something if you give birth while they are here. Let them know it is NOT an option and tell him that if he doesnt want anyone to know what happened then he and his family better back off!! Good luck!!!

 
Old 05-19-2005, 06:22 AM   #4
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Wow you sound like my Mom. She so badly wants to tell his family but I know they won't believe me. I didn't turn him in because I didn't think there was anyway to prove it. The night before he had gotten physical with me for the first time. Normally he was just verbally abusive. Stupid me didn't call anyone I just went home with him and the next morning is when it happened. He said or says that since I didn't "fight him" that I "wanted it" I didn't fight because I couldn't believe what was happening to me. This person who "loved" me was doing this to me and I just couldn't believe it. I had bruises all over my right side and I still have a scar on my elbow from where he pushed me so hard I fell on the ground and scraped my side all up but that proves nothing. Then in January I was feeling lonely and I thought I couldn't go through this alone so I started hanging out with him again but things started back up. Never hitting or abuse but his controlling ways and every time we'd hang out he'd try to hold my hand or kiss me and I was just hanging out with him so that as parents we could be civil but then I realized he doesn't deserve to be a "parent" so I cut all ties with him. He has left me alone and now this. And he even thinks that he can come see her whenever he wants but that is a big fat NO. I'm hoping that he won't come around, but I know him just to control me he will. This guy is a nut case. So many lies and I should have left him WAY before it got to this point but I was just stupid and lonely. I know that's not an excuse and you would think at 24 I would know better but I didn't. These nine months have been a real eye opener for me. He is going to have a FIT when I call him after I get home but he is lucky that I am even willing to call him. He is lucky he isn't in jail or doesn't have this strike against him. I hate myself now for not turning him in but I really didn't think anyone would believe me. He is a smooth talker so I thought he would lie (which he is now) I did say no the whole time. I think he knew I was going to leave him and he knew when my cycle was so it's almost like he did it on purpose thinking if I got pg then I'd stay. Now, he says he will take her for six months out of the year when he is done with school. But I have so much crap on him that I don't really worry about it anymore. I know he is here legally but illegally if that makes sense. Anyway, I'm just so confused. His family did nothing wrong but I can't put on a happy face around them with him. I hate him. The only good thing from him is this lil miss I am carrying.
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Amy
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Brandon James 5/11/99 @ 4:48pm
Jade Elizabeth 6/7/05 @ 7:41pm

 
Old 05-19-2005, 07:10 AM   #5
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Im coming from a similar situation, and I think you are right in the way you are thinking. If your not comfortable with him there, then you stand strong. This stress on you during this time is not good for you or the baby. My x is a drug addict and I thought was recovering so I decided to let him come back home. A month later I was prego (3rd time) and he was using again about 2 weeks later. I made him leave and Im really sticking strong about him and his family. He has now been clean since the relapse for about 3mths now. But he is controlling and so is his family, so I know where your coming from. I get lonely and I cry alot, but I know that right now Im better off this way. Your not alone. Im sorry for what happened to you, too bad he is getting away with it. Keep your spirits up and keep thinking the baby is almost here!! Woo Hoo. Also my x use to be verbally and physically abusive and I never did anything about it because I was scared and I loved him that much. But now I would never put up with it from anyone again. Its a mind game they like to play and we just have to be stronger and better than that. You didnt deserve to be treated so badly. But your right the baby is a blessing. Good luck and I hope all works out well with you.

 
Old 05-19-2005, 07:51 AM   #6
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Re: Is this bad of me?

I am so sorry for all that you had to go through. This guy sounds like a real loser. Why dont you try to get a restraining order against him so that he cant come near you or your daughter? Since he is her father he will have rights to her and the only way to prevent that is by going to court and telling them he is a danger to you. Also, on her birth certificate I would put your last name. Your lil miss doesnt deserve the burden that he is trying to place on you. Neither do you!!! Hang in there!!

 
Old 05-19-2005, 08:04 AM   #7
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Re: Is this bad of me?

I'm not putting his name on the Birth Certificate. He is the one who said he didn't want my DS to know that he is the father of this baby so what would my DS think if they had different last names. It was HIS idea. Doesn't he have to do something to me before I can get a restraining order on him? I live with my Mom now so like my sister said this is her house and she could get one on him and then he couldnt' come around here. I don't know I just know he will never be alone with her. I'll do whatever it takes!!
__________________
Amy
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Proud momma to
Brandon James 5/11/99 @ 4:48pm
Jade Elizabeth 6/7/05 @ 7:41pm

 
Old 05-19-2005, 10:03 AM   #8
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by InDueTime05
I'm not putting his name on the Birth Certificate. He is the one who said he didn't want my DS to know that he is the father of this baby so what would my DS think if they had different last names. It was HIS idea. Doesn't he have to do something to me before I can get a restraining order on him? I live with my Mom now so like my sister said this is her house and she could get one on him and then he couldnt' come around here. I don't know I just know he will never be alone with her. I'll do whatever it takes!!
Well has he ever threatened you? Why is he so admant about your son not knowing he is the father? How old is your son?

 
Old 05-19-2005, 01:37 PM   #9
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Well, threatned me how? My son is 6 now and I have no clue why he is so adamant about it.
__________________
Amy
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Proud momma to
Brandon James 5/11/99 @ 4:48pm
Jade Elizabeth 6/7/05 @ 7:41pm

 
Old 05-19-2005, 02:11 PM   #10
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Has he ever threatened your life? Especially recently? If so, or, if he does it again, get in contact with the police right away to get a restraining order. Good luck honey and despite all this, try to relax because you cant be getting all stressed!

 
Old 05-19-2005, 02:28 PM   #11
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Re: Is this bad of me?

I am so sorry that you are going through this all alone. He needs his butt whiped if you know what i mean.. I would not keep it a lie about you and him that is just helping him out maken him look like a good guy when he is really a dirty man. You don't have to get into details about what happend with you guys just the stuff that you want to tell them keep it real with them they need to know what type of son they have. An you can still go and report it to the police if you want to and get the restraning order on him also . Jut so you do not have to deal with him. I wouuld not want anything to do with him kids or no kids that man does not deserve to hear you breath.

Good luck on everything keep us posted

 
Old 05-19-2005, 02:32 PM   #12
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TJR
Has he ever threatened your life? Especially recently? If so, or, if he does it again, get in contact with the police right away to get a restraining order. Good luck honey and despite all this, try to relax because you cant be getting all stressed!
Well, he has never threatened my life ever. I mean yes he got physical and he was verbally abusive but never did I feel like my life was in danger just my self esteem. He knows better then to threaten me. He knows that's all I need to go to the cops now. I'm not really getting stressed anymore. I was real stressed when he said he would try to get her six months of the year in Miami. That's 8 hours from me and I just couldn't bare it but my lawyer said no way. Especially since we weren't ever married and never lived together. He would have to prove I am unfit which there is no way he could. He also lives with college guys no judge is going to make me let a baby stay at his house. I just don't want to see him. He makes me sick!
__________________
Amy
--------
Proud momma to
Brandon James 5/11/99 @ 4:48pm
Jade Elizabeth 6/7/05 @ 7:41pm

 
Old 05-19-2005, 02:47 PM   #13
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Re: Is this bad of me?

LOL!! Well, Im glad to hear that. Also, if his name isn't on the birth certificate and you tell the judge that you dont know if he is the babys father (in the event that he tries to get her for 6 months) then there will be a long process he will have to go through. And if he lives with a bunch of college guys, I think you are safe!! LOL. How old are you? Good luck, and stick to your guns!! Don't let his mom come and ruin things.

 
Old 05-19-2005, 02:53 PM   #14
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Re: Is this bad of me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LEILANI
I am so sorry that you are going through this all alone. He needs his butt whiped if you know what i mean.. I would not keep it a lie about you and him that is just helping him out maken him look like a good guy when he is really a dirty man. You don't have to get into details about what happend with you guys just the stuff that you want to tell them keep it real with them they need to know what type of son they have. An you can still go and report it to the police if you want to and get the restraning order on him also . Jut so you do not have to deal with him. I wouuld not want anything to do with him kids or no kids that man does not deserve to hear you breath.

Good luck on everything keep us posted
*CLAPPING* I agree 100000000000000000000000000000%! Induetime, you are this babys mother and father. You are all she has needed for these past 9 months and all she will ever need. Do your thing girl!!

 
Old 05-19-2005, 04:12 PM   #15
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Re: Is this bad of me?

It sounds like a lot of crap going on, but if it were me, I'd be seeing an attorney to ensure he stays away (if that's what you truly want), and you are doing everything correctly to be able to collect child support from him.

You are a single parent; therefore, entitled to financial support from the father. Make sure you don't screw up your rights to that.
Gayle

 
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