Dh and I don't want people coming to the hospital until after the baby is born. Should be plain and simple, cut and dry, right? My parents even think it's a great idea. Enter my MIL. She won't wait at home. Period. Infact, she's coming on the tour of the maternity ward with us, so she'll "know where to go". ***. I'm sorry if I don't want an audience while I'm pushing an entire human being out of my vagina. Plus, if I get sent home from the hospital and have to wait even longer to have the baby, it just makes it a pain for everyone else. After she's born and I'm re-grouped, everyone and their dog can come! Dh and I just want to be alone during the actual process. I don't think that's too much to ask. Anyone else in the same boat, and if so, what are you doing?
Last edited by Jessthemess; 09-02-2005 at 04:24 PM.
It depends upon the hospital and how it is set up, but some of them will not let people in without permission or getting "buzzed" in. You can request that you do NOT want any visitors, and they will be forced to wait outside in the waiting room until you give permission. I believe it is part of the HIPA (or whatever it is) law that it must be kept private, unless you give permission. You can also call the hospital an preregister, and then request that when you are checked in, you do not want people to be able to call in and find out where you are or if you are even there....it sounds drastic, but it insures your privacy.
I am just curious tho....how are they going to know you are going in? Do they live nearby or are you having a c-section or being incuded? In that case they would know when you are going in....but otherwise...just don't tell them until the baby is out. Tell them it "slipped your mind" lol.
jessthemess---i feel exactly the same way that you do! i dont want anyone in there besides my husband and possibly my parents...no way a re the inlaws allowed...i'm going to do what lex said...just not say a word...
If you do not want to her tour the maternity with you and your husband he needs to be the one to tell her to back off. When you are having the baby, it is okay if she is there as long as she is sitting in a waiting room like everyone else. You can make it so only you and are husband are present for the birth. She can't just walk into the room while delivering unless you two let her, just tell your husband that she needs to back off. I feel the same way you do. Good Luck!
I was keen on only having my mother and husband in the room. But since my mom would perfer nor to be in the room, I thought my husband would be great alone! Then I learned he wants to help deliever the baby! So my MIL (step) asked if she could be my second coach, I was overjoyed. Infact she acted like it was christmas when I said yes. Her son would be able to make babies due to being sick when he was little so it was the least I could do
But then again, if you don't get along w. your Inlaws then maybe its better lol. Plus I know not many women like the idea of everyone and their brother checking out their no-no's!
Just put your foot down and tell her you'd really perfer only you and your husband. Maybe your hospital can set up a tv for them to watch in a different room (if YOU'D like it). Good luck!!
Yeah I am in the same boat. I am due in January and I dno't want anyone in the room except my husband. And some people plan on being there right when the baby is born. I told them no. I felt bad but its our choice. To solve this lol. I told everyone I know my due date is in february when I am actually due in January lol. Peace Out..
I don't care if people want to wait in the waiting room, but as far as the birthing room, I won't even let my husband in with me when I have the baby. I don't want anybody to see me in that condition. I was the same way when I had my daughter 11 years ago, and I don't regret it. I'm a very private person and squeezing a baby out is just to personal to me. To personal for me to even let my husband witness. I won't even let him go to my doctor visits. It makes his mom mad, but he don't mind because he knows how I am and he respects me. I think he is actually relieved he does not have to witness it all. My family thinks I'm weird, but that's ok. I have been this way my entire life.
My husband and I are dealing with this right now. I have been telling my woes on the most current September Mommies thread if you want to go there to read the saga. It's current, so you don't have to scroll hardly at all to find it.
We are sticking with the approach of just saying NO. We are not going into explanations, reasons, or excuses on why we would rather not have them waiting around. Doing that just gives them more of a negotiation tool if they are ones to fight to get their way. My MIL is a fighter, so we are in the middle of the battle right now. We WILL get our birth our way...and I am being induced...so they know the day and time already.
Just tell them NO to the tour. The birth of your baby should be about you and the baby...not about keeping the grandparents happy.
I told the Dr and Nurses that I didn't want anyone in the room except DH. After I started pushing I looked up and who was there but my Mother. I was so mad. She ran off telling everyone MY birth story of our DD. I wanted it to be something shared between DH and I ONLY.
There were lots of complications and sooo many people in the room, I don't think the Drs even noticed she was there.
Make sure you or your DH make it very clear to her that you want to share this experience ALONE, just the two of you.
She can't just walk into the room while delivering unless you two let her
You'd be amazed during my first labor I was in the process of pushing and the dr told my mom she could come in. I didn't give consent at all and in pops my mom I waved her out which I don't think I should have had to do at the time. I wanted my dh and myself there and that is all.
I'd love to be able to go and have the baby and then tell everyone but my mom calls constantly saying CALL ME WHEN you go into labor. It's like LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
Wow, this is such an interesting topic. I didn't realize how many people plan on being in the delivery room without even asking. I am worried my mother will insist on being there, which I will say no. She was in the room with my SIL and brother because there were young and having the baby come out made my brother sick so my mom was there.
With my first child I had my mom, my mil, my sil, my little brother, and my husband. With my second my husband, my mom, and my sil. With this last one I plan on my mom, mil, husband, and best friend. I have been in the room with two of my friends while they have given birth and let me tell you it was an awesome experience. It's totally your choice and what you feel comfortable with, but you can't blame your family, especially moms, to want to share the experience with you. I thought I wouldn't like other people in there, but honestly, at that point you don't really care. I'm just trying to give some opinions from the other side. That is just something that the grandma can carry with them the rest of their lives and your kids will think its cool that grandma was there when they were born. My three year old doesn't know it yet, but when she has a baby-I'm going to be in there!
If your into having people there that is wonderful. I am not totally against it, but I know my husband and I will want to be the only ones there to share having a child for the first time and probably cry together and kiss each other and I also want him to hold the baby before myself or anyone else in the family because I am younger and he is a little older than I, and he waited a long time for this. I wouldn't mind too much if my mom was there, however, she can be overbearing, and she would end up coaching me and telling me to deal with it, etc. which is probably fine, but I tend to get short with her, because she is so overbearing it drives me nuts!
The way i see it...they weren't there at the conception and I think that birth is just as private. I don't want anyone to see me in that condition. I think that my hospital has a limit of how many people can be in the room anyhow. I only want my husband (and I'm not even sure about that because he can't stand to see me in pain) and my sister in law ( who is going to be my borth coach).
hi jess, yeah thats a tough situation to handle without making your MIL feel too neglected. does she understand your wishes or have you not brought it up yet? im guessing this is her first grandchild!??!?!?!...............and you know shes excited but i hope she respects what you want without her gettign mad... that could be tough.
i agree w you though, thats a private thing and you choose who you want expereincing that w you.....and i think the husband and you are the best choice, considering you said anyone cnd their dogs can come! i hope they all bring their dogs....haha, im jk, i thought that was cute what you said! im not in the same boat (yet) but i know my wishes are exactly the same as yours. good luck w the labor and soon to be congrats!!!!!!! xoxo
I agree and I think you should tell your MIL straight out. You have every right to decide on who you want in the room. And if she doesn't agree with your wishes thats just to bad, like you said your the one having the baby. Sounds like she is getting a little "to involved". Call her after the baby is delivered.
This may sound very simplistic, but why not just tell her no or nothing at all? I'm not sure I understand how she is able to know when the tour is or when you go into labor without you or your DH telling her. Problem solved, you just don't tell her until afterwards.
You have every right to have who you want in the room or not in the room. You shouldn't let some PITA person ruin this experience for you. This may sound harsh, but don't worry about their feelings, she doesn't seem to be too concerned with your personal feelings about it does she? Otherwise she would have backed off at word one. Yes, she's excited, but no one is taking that away from her or telling her not to be happy. She's been the mom, given birth, raised her children...now it's your turn.
Wow!! Who the H*ll does she think she is?! That's a special time for you and your husband...if you don't want her there, straight out tell her NO!! Put her in her place now...otherwise you'll may be trying to do it later when she wants to butt in and be a second mother to your child. Not to mention...yes...HIPPA will prohibit her form being there if you don't want her there...If she doesn't take no for an answer...don't even bother telling her about the tour is until it's over...and don't call her utnil YOU are ready after your baby is born.
Sorry if I sounds harsh...I don't keep in touch w/BFs mother AT ALL anymore (nor does BF in fact) because of stuff like your MIL is trying to pull...I just feel plain angry for you...
I was allowed in the room with my sister when she had my neice and I wondered "omg I don't want to see her THERE!" but once that baby's head started to come out I was amazed! I cried so hard and I felt like I literally seen a miracle. I could NOT believe another human was coming out of another human. It was amazing. So after that when I got pg years and years and years later I allowed my mom, sister, neice, husband, best friend all in there. With my twins I had the same and also my son. I guess I wanted everyone to experience that miracle and they have such a bond with my children because of that. I totally understand not wanting someone in there and I can NOT imagine someone trying to push their way in there. Make sure they know ahead of time. Your going to have to tell your MIL that you have decided to call everyone after the baby is born to not be upset but she will be one of the firsts to hold the baby. Make sure she feels really really special and make comments like "oh she really loves you" because even though you want it to be special for you and your husband they will feel really left out. Once it's done it's done so make all of your guests feel a bond with that baby. By the way your vagina looks just like theirs!!! hahahaha Yours isn't special. Good luck and keep us posted.