I am now pregnant with what will hopefully be my 4th baby. I have 3 little boys ages 5, 2 & 1. I just had a miscarriage in June and now my husband is totally petrified that we are tempting fate in trying to have any more children. I have asked a lot of women at work how they knew they were done having babies and they all said they just felt complete. Well I thought I was happy with my 3 boys until I became pregnant earlier this spring and then when I lost that baby all of a sudden there was a gaping hole in my life and I knew that I was not finished. I have tried explaining this to my husband but he cannot get past the heartache of losing this last baby. He now looks at our 3 children and says that when I was pregnant with any of them I had no complications and everything went perfectly from conception right through labour and delivery and we have 3 healthy children why do I need to risk possibly my health as well as that of any baby to have more. Am I being selfish in wanting more children? Is there a point when your body starts to behave differently with pregnancy? I am only 29 years old so its not like I should be a high risk but with the miscarriage just kind of lingering in the background it is hard to be happy and excited with my current pregnancy (I am 11wks - due May 26,2006).
How many children do each of you plan to have and how will you decide?
Well, this is my first pregnancy so i am waiting to see how labor and delivery go before i decide to have more but here is what my husband and i have discussed. I am an only child. not by my parents choice. They had me and then 4 miscarriages when at that point decided to stop. I decided that I want to have a large family. About 5 would be great! My DH's grandparents just celebrated their 60th wedding aniversary last year. They had 5 kids and the love that was in that room the night of their party was amazing. 5 kids, 8 great kids and 3 great grand kids. I would love to grow old surrounded by that much love.
If for some reason it bacame a health issue that would change my mind. it sound slike you are healthy though. How far along were you when you miscarried? Typically they say that once you reach the 12 week mark the risk goes way down.
I have many friends tell me that you will know when you are finished. Another question is being able to afford and provide for a larger family. I say that if you can, why not.
When me and dh got together we said we wanted 6 kids, that changed after number 2, but we are pregnant again and this is the last one, one of us is going to get fixed!!!, lol Im due Feb 8 2006, and we are content, we tossed the idea of another one around for a while and here we are, so its all good. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30 , Im 27 now so perfect timing! anyway you hopng for a girl?
We are pregnant with our first baby due in April. I always thought of having 3 kids. My husband is happy with 1, maybe 2. What is a deciding factor for us, is that I am younger and my husband is 40. He does not want to be older and having lots of children although he is extremely active. So right now we are having this baby this one might be it for us. I would like to have possibly one more after this baby but we will see when the time comes. I would like to have more so I don't have an only child and also in the future to have a couple/few kids coming and going with activities and when they are grown to go to their weddings, have grandchildren would be wonderful.
In response to your question about being selfish for wanting more.children..you have your fourth on the way now and obviously your husband agreed to it or you wouldn't be pregnant, right? In the future it is fair to listen to his concerns and well as him to listen to yours if you decide to have any more children. Especially when you have to think about who will be raising your children, will you continue to work with many little ones? Or, any financial concerns that may arise in the future? These are all vaild things to consider when wanting more children so you are able to provide for all of your family as well as have time available to give them too.
I am also like the previous poster, and only child. My mom had 3 miscarrages before having me and ended up giving birth to me at age 34 with numerous complications. Her water broke at 5 months and I was delivered at 6 months. I always felt lonely with out a sibbling.
My husband comes from a family of four (one sister). He is very logically and looks at things differently that I do. His main concern was providing for more than one child financially. His thought was have one and do EVERYTHING instead of splitting the assets. Luckily he loves children and was open to and wanted another child. We were actually kidding/tossing around the idea of number 3 even. Well...we found out 2 weeks ago we are having twins! So I guess the decision was made for us!
I think it is such a personal decision. Yes financially it is a huge consideration, especially if child care is an issue. I don't think it is something you can talk your partner into or out of. You have to make a decision you can live with. Health concerns are very important. I think that decision has to be weighed carefully. I don't think you are at increased risk either, you are young and had 3 successful healthy pregnancies. Statistically 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. It truly is a miracle to have a child that is healthy and without complications.
Well I have 4 children..Ages 11,10,6,1....I wouldn't change a thing, I love having them, but I am also done...3 girls and a boy and our family is complete....For myself it wasn't an adjustment, just for the kids trying to divide your time with all of them...It's amazing how you manage, and just take it day to day....Ralinda
My wife and I are just now expecting our 1st, however my sister has 7, #8 is on the way and she has had 1 miscarriage. Growing uo we always wanted a large family, shes got it now. I personally want 3, maybe 4.
this is my 2nd pregnancy the first ended in m/c i will have to see how we feel after this one arrives before i consider having anymore the stress and worries has nearly killed me some days. as long as i get this one healthy then that is enough if that is what we decide on.
We decided to try for number 3 a few years ago and we struggled to get pregnant. When we got pregnant we said that we were done because it hurt so much through the struggle. But when he was born all the ups and downs were forgotten. I had a rarely easy pregnancy and we decided to wait on the permanent birth control methods liked we had talked about. But he is 18 months and we are 2 months pregnant with baby number 4. All of our children are 2-3 years apart so we decided that since it took us awhile last time we should start. And five months later we found out we were pregnant and everything looks great so far. We are so excited. We have not really discussed if this will be our last but if this is a girl we will have two of each so I think we will discuss who will get fixed. I think that I will know when I am done. And since I have been blessed with healthy children and healthy pregnancies I think it is easy to say oh just one more. But I want to give my children all the love that I can, with all the energy I can.
I come from a family of 4...2 close together that I fit into and then a 6 year gap (after an ectopic that was missed and nearly killed my mom) and then 2 more 4 years apart. Us older two did without a lot of things compared to the younger two although I'd definately say they worked harder than we did on our parents farm. From seeing the dynamics in our family I decided I wanted our kids evenly spaced out (although I actually get along better with the younger two than the older) and thought all along I only wanted 2.
Now I am pg with #2 (well I guess 3 after a m/c and 5 months of trying) and am thinking that maybe 3 wouldn't be so bad, especially if this one is a boy as we have a son who will be 3 when baby arrives. I worry about the financial aspect as I am the only one with money sense in this family. So far I've disovered lots of ways to save $ with kids...used and handmedown clothes, used toys or handmedown toys etc. So I only really fear for the years when the kids start asking for things we just can't get or when hockey and other sports become part of the expectation.
Now dh is quite a different story. He is 35, the baby of 3 with parents who are 79. He and his siblings are all adopted (at different times and not biological). He'd love as many kids as I can produce, a year -18 months apart and has no worries about money at all.
I think we've come to a good understanding that we'll see how this one goes and from there decide whether I need to work or can stay home and run a childcare program from here....that might make it easier to decide if I'd have more too.
I love these threads, they are so exciting to read.
I grew up with 4, I was the only female, but I had a blast as a child. My husband grew up with 3, all boys. We both have very strong family roots and love the idea of having multiple children so nobody is alone. We said we'd have 6, but I think we are just thinking ahead of ourselves. We definetly want 3 for sure, then I think we will discuss further or just let things be however they are inteneded. In another words, if we keep getting pregnant, then we keep having babies.
It is wonderful to hear that there are other people out there that still want to have large families. I was beginning to think that I was out in left field!!! Anyway, DH has finally come around and reconciled to the fact that baby#4 is on the way. He now explains to me why he was so ornery when I first told him I was pregnant this time - he is having difficulty getting over the miscarriage we had in June. He is so afraid that something will go wrong and he doesn't think that he could cope with that again. Anyway, this will be our last baby - 4 will definately be a full house especially when you consider that the oldest will only be 5 when the new baby arrives. Right now I can reconcile myself to the fact that this will be my last pregnancy and I plan to enjoy every minute.