It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Pregnancy Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-16-2005, 01:39 PM   #1
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 67
dad_2b HB User
Am I being unreasonable?

My wife is due Jan 7th. (U/S said the 4th, but doc didn't change EDD)
From what I have read and been told it is normal for baby to come up to 2 weeks early.
When we found out we were pregnant and due this time of year, we told everyone we would not be traveling after Thanksgiving. (most of our family is out of town). Now my sister is just furious with me, and thinks I am being selfish and stubborn. I just don't want to be 200 miles from home and wind up going to a different hospital, having a different doctor, etc. She has even told me to make the trip for christmas and leave my wife here and if she were to go into labor "I would probably make it in time."
My sister and wife get along fine, so it isn't anything like that.
But,
1. That would leave a 38 week pregnant wife home alone for christmas.
2. If she were to go into labor, I'd never forgive myself for not being here and she'd have to get herself to the hospital.
Now, I don't think she will go into labor that early, I just don't see the risks being worth it, however this is turning into a huge family fight.

 
Old 11-16-2005, 01:56 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 193
cark HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dad_2b
My wife is due Jan 7th. (U/S said the 4th, but doc didn't change EDD)
From what I have read and been told it is normal for baby to come up to 2 weeks early.
When we found out we were pregnant and due this time of year, we told everyone we would not be traveling after Thanksgiving. (most of our family is out of town). Now my sister is just furious with me, and thinks I am being selfish and stubborn. I just don't want to be 200 miles from home and wind up going to a different hospital, having a different doctor, etc. She has even told me to make the trip for christmas and leave my wife here and if she were to go into labor "I would probably make it in time."
My sister and wife get along fine, so it isn't anything like that.
But,
1. That would leave a 38 week pregnant wife home alone for christmas.
2. If she were to go into labor, I'd never forgive myself for not being here and she'd have to get herself to the hospital.
Now, I don't think she will go into labor that early, I just don't see the risks being worth it, however this is turning into a huge family fight.

Geez.. so much for an understanding family huh?
Im a bit over 38 weeks and Id be mighty disappointed in my husbadn if he abandoned me at that time. I had to drive myself to the hosp in labor once.. and its NO picnic. I also never forgave my EXhusband for going off on his selfish venture and leaving me there to fend for myself , hence the EX
I say youre not the one being selfish and you shoudl tell your family where your priorities are.. your wife and unborn child, their safety, and you being there to hold your newborn and be with your wife.. and do what we are doing this Yr.. going to have our fammily get togethers AFTER the baby is born. That ahould be good enough if they sincerely care.

Hope all goes well for you. The holidays are great arent they??

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-16-2005, 02:17 PM   #3
Registered User
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Duluth, MN
Posts: 701
rounsy222 HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Lets just say you are a better man for feeling the way you do. I would ask her how she would feel if she were 38 weeks pregnant and her hubby left and said well I would probably make it back in time. Thats the only thing I would say and leave it at that.
meg

 
Old 11-16-2005, 02:36 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 993
friday13 HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

my friend just delivered 3.5 weeks early... I have also told my hubby (I am due 2/24) and he is not to be traveling on business (unless he wants to possibly miss the babys arrival) starting Feb. 1. Granted I am going to be scheduled early for a c-section but... my friends baby came 3.5 weeks early and my section is 10 days earlier than my due date for now - they could change it to 7 days prior.... So I could totally go into labor before the section...

I totally understand what you are going thru to a point. I have horrid inlaws. The MIL is cold to me - the FIL is just a jerk... and the sister in law (she is very immature for her age of 21 and her boyfriend) fight often and are always brought along on family trips. We are moving into a new home in a new state during the next two weeks. As soon as we get there - my hubby has to go away on a business trip leaving me alone to do a lot of work. I am supposed to be "taking it easy" due to high blood pressure issues... I have it under control at the moment...

We get a phone call - and low and behold the FIL has planned a long trip to see us for the holidays! you can only imagine this would give me little time to settle into the new house - and get ready for company (for a while)... ugh. My husband and I tried to tell them nicely it wasn't a good time to come (we have spent every Christmas with his family for the past 9 years we have been together) - and unfortunately its just bad timing with the transfer of his job and all. FINALLY - my hubby had to put his foot down and say - NO visitors at Christmas. Geeez Louise. Now they are upset - and we feel a little bad (not a lot bad)... and they have another son and daughter to spend the holidays with. We had to think of us - and our mental health and happiness - and they will get over it - and if not they are just selfish pains in the necks - and such as life.

Wow your sis is being terrible... I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My Doc wouldn't let me travel after jan. 1!! and i am due Feb. 24th. !!!!!

Hope it all works out! - xxoo Friday

 
Old 11-16-2005, 03:27 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Kentwood
Posts: 111
Tweetymommy HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Asking your family for a bit of understanding in this situation is not unreasonable in the least. As it is most doctors strongly recommend to limet traveling as much as possible in the month or so leading up to the delivery. Christmas unfortunately is a family holiday and the others don't consider your comfort or availability in this matter and that is unfair. All I could offer would be a possible compromise that either you hold the holidays at your home or near to you. Or they are postponed until the baby has arrived and the baby can meet the inlaws. Once the baby has arrived likely all hostility will melt away... Good luck.
__________________
One Day Soon, I swear !!!!

 
Old 11-16-2005, 04:49 PM   #6
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 370
Sherbet HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Hey Dad2b...

I think you already know what the right thing to do is... I can whole heartedly agree with you that you aren't being unreasonable to want to spend an important holiday with your wife and mother of your pending child. I think if my DH left me because his sister had a tanty, it would reflect his wayward priorities. The most important people in your life are your wife and unborn child... your family should appreciate that and make allowances. As tweety suggested, why can't they come to you?????

Good for you for seeing this as a potential problem... set your sister straight and let her know the universe does not revolve around her wants.

Good luck

 
Old 11-16-2005, 05:13 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 761
Valerie_s HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Sounds like your sis is being inreasonable, Im sure if her spouse left her in those conditions,she wouldnt be very happy! Anyway I say stay home with your wife, she is who comes first now...sorry sis! They are being selfish even too ask..Im not travelling for Christmas, and Ill be 34 weeks..not a good idea

 
Old 11-16-2005, 06:28 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,279
OrangeCouture HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Actually your sister is being rude and selfish, especially if you made it clear before. I agree with the other poster, ask her how she would feel. You have your own family now and it is unreasonable to leave your wife home alone on Christmas. Ask her what her problem is....is she being pushy about? Wow.

 
Old 11-16-2005, 07:57 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 2,354
BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Hi -

You can offer to ask the OB doctor, then just calmly tell the distant family that (as you suspected) the doctor says travel that close to the due date is out of the question due to winter weather, distance, and the uncertainties of late pregnancy. The "bad guy" is the doctor and your sister can just deal with it!!!

You've got to wonder where the true Christmas spirit is in someone who acts so ugly when she doesn't get her way. Go figure.

Happy holidays! Barbara

 
Old 11-16-2005, 10:14 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: US of A
Posts: 633
lex jude HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I can't even believe this is an issue.....has your sister EVER been pregnant??? From the sounds of it, I would say NO. Stand your ground. Don't be rude, but just state that you and your wife have your future child's well being in mind.

And to assert your point, I gave birth one week early, and my labor lasted 6 hours from when my water broke....NOT enough time IMHO. Because I needed DH there the ENTIRE time.

Try to come to some sort of compromise with your family. I know after the birth, it will be hectic for your wife to be traveling, and going away with a newborn is not something I would suggest until she is healed up (at least). Maybe you could plan a "holiday party" at your house, or at a family member's house that isnt too far away that everyone could come too...you could celebrate christmas, thanksgiving etc all in one day, plus show off your new baby. You could also promise to call on the days they are celebrating, and eat dinner or whatever "along" with them. There are creative things you could do....webcams, etc. to help be there with your family without traveling.

And like the above poster said....once baby arrives, everyone will get over your absence pretty quick. And if they don't....oh well. Their loss.

Good luck and I hope everything goes well!
__________________
~~*~~
He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.

 
Old 11-17-2005, 01:38 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: england
Posts: 2,513
weepyone HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

it sounds like your sis is thinking of her own needs, not yours or your wifes. If my dh even considered for 1 minute leaving me at christmas i would be heartbroken to think that i and his impending child come second to his sister. You have a new part of your family now and they need your love and support. Maybe your sister is jealous of your wife and baby! your sister does not sound very supportive of you nor does she seem to understand the responsibility to your spouse and child. Besides if this is your last christmas with just the two of you before baby arrives just think how special it will be just the 2 of you.

 
Old 11-17-2005, 02:00 AM   #12
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 67
dad_2b HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

WOW, thanks for reafirming what I already knew. It's just this has been such a issue for 2 weeks now that I was starting to feel like the bad guy.
My sister is actually a L & D nurse, and pregnant with #8. My moms sick and wont travel, so sis thinks I should go there. And I get the whole "grandpa wont be here for many more christmas's, if any."
Anyway, I've ben standing my ground and am going to continue to do so. I have been thinking about just telling her that doc says my wife cant travel, and that its a really bad idea for me to be away.

Thank you everybody

Last edited by dad_2b; 11-17-2005 at 02:22 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2005, 06:34 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 755
baby#2 HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I can't believe a L & D nurse with almost 8 children is suggesting your wife travel at 38 wks pregnant or for you to leave your 38 wk pregnant wife at Christmas time! In my opinion she, of all people, should know better. I don't think you need to make excuses like, "The Dr said not to". Be honest and upfront about it and tell her how important your wife and child are to you and that you aren't willing to risk anything when it's not necessary! Sorry, I am very opinionated and when I hear stories like this I get upset. You mentioned you won't travel after Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada so I don't know when your Thanksgiving is), does that mean you will see your Mom and everyone else then?
You can't choose your family but you did choose your wife and to have a wonderful little baby together. Your wife needs you more than anyone else on the planet right now...your sister should already know that.

Last edited by baby#2; 11-17-2005 at 06:57 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2005, 06:55 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 2,354
BarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB UserBarbaraH HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

I agree - your sister ought to know better!!! Maybe she hopes to deliver your baby herself?!! Maybe she's forgotten the excitement of having your first baby??

Will you and your wife have Thanksgiving with that part of the family? Even if not, you're still doing the right thing to be home, with your wife, and sound asleep when Santa comes down the chimney! You might do as I did, due on Valentine's Day and baby came on Christmas Eve!!

Cheers! Barbara

 
Old 11-17-2005, 07:36 AM   #15
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 211
jriegel HB User
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

it sounds like having kids for your sister is old hat, if she's on #8. it's pretty insensitive of her not to consider that your wife has not popped out nearly 10 herself and probably doesn't have the same lacs. attitude she does...

if i were your wife, i would be SO, SO, ***SO*** upset if you left to go spend Christmas with your family. your wife is your family, too, and your new little one who will be coming just around the corner... start your own family Christmas, maybe grandpa won't be around for a whole year longer after this christmas, maybe mom is sick, but mom will get better, and who's to say that you can't travel AFTER the baby is born and show your new family member off WITHOUT the stress and expectations of the holidays, but just a time to visit. keep standing firm. your family loves you, but your wife is your family, too - she's closer to you than they are, and she needs you right now, especially at christmas. what a terrible thing for her to have to be worried about.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
am I being unreasonable ChickPea71 Depression 3 11-27-2008 02:24 PM
Am I being unreasonable ? D31 Relationship Health 16 11-15-2007 03:18 PM
I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable? Sept.girl Abuse Support 25 10-01-2007 09:40 PM
husband stays out...am i being unreasonable?! maryjane1984 Relationship Health 15 09-24-2007 02:31 PM
Unreasonable? ILM Relationship Health 6 06-14-2006 09:18 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (6), quinyonna07 (2), Kali333 (2), cattieos (2), mumovhann (2), kittenkaboodle (2), Xkwizit (2), TwinMamma (2), Administrator (1), Blastoff9600 (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (905), Titchou (848), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:49 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!