My wife is due Jan 7th. (U/S said the 4th, but doc didn't change EDD)
From what I have read and been told it is normal for baby to come up to 2 weeks early.
When we found out we were pregnant and due this time of year, we told everyone we would not be traveling after Thanksgiving. (most of our family is out of town). Now my sister is just furious with me, and thinks I am being selfish and stubborn. I just don't want to be 200 miles from home and wind up going to a different hospital, having a different doctor, etc. She has even told me to make the trip for christmas and leave my wife here and if she were to go into labor "I would probably make it in time."
My sister and wife get along fine, so it isn't anything like that.
But,
1. That would leave a 38 week pregnant wife home alone for christmas.
2. If she were to go into labor, I'd never forgive myself for not being here and she'd have to get herself to the hospital.
Now, I don't think she will go into labor that early, I just don't see the risks being worth it, however this is turning into a huge family fight.
My wife is due Jan 7th. (U/S said the 4th, but doc didn't change EDD)
From what I have read and been told it is normal for baby to come up to 2 weeks early.
When we found out we were pregnant and due this time of year, we told everyone we would not be traveling after Thanksgiving. (most of our family is out of town). Now my sister is just furious with me, and thinks I am being selfish and stubborn. I just don't want to be 200 miles from home and wind up going to a different hospital, having a different doctor, etc. She has even told me to make the trip for christmas and leave my wife here and if she were to go into labor "I would probably make it in time."
My sister and wife get along fine, so it isn't anything like that.
But,
1. That would leave a 38 week pregnant wife home alone for christmas.
2. If she were to go into labor, I'd never forgive myself for not being here and she'd have to get herself to the hospital.
Now, I don't think she will go into labor that early, I just don't see the risks being worth it, however this is turning into a huge family fight.
Geez.. so much for an understanding family huh?
Im a bit over 38 weeks and Id be mighty disappointed in my husbadn if he abandoned me at that time. I had to drive myself to the hosp in labor once.. and its NO picnic. I also never forgave my EXhusband for going off on his selfish venture and leaving me there to fend for myself , hence the EX
I say youre not the one being selfish and you shoudl tell your family where your priorities are.. your wife and unborn child, their safety, and you being there to hold your newborn and be with your wife.. and do what we are doing this Yr.. going to have our fammily get togethers AFTER the baby is born. That ahould be good enough if they sincerely care.
Hope all goes well for you. The holidays are great arent they??
Lets just say you are a better man for feeling the way you do. I would ask her how she would feel if she were 38 weeks pregnant and her hubby left and said well I would probably make it back in time. Thats the only thing I would say and leave it at that.
meg
my friend just delivered 3.5 weeks early... I have also told my hubby (I am due 2/24) and he is not to be traveling on business (unless he wants to possibly miss the babys arrival) starting Feb. 1. Granted I am going to be scheduled early for a c-section but... my friends baby came 3.5 weeks early and my section is 10 days earlier than my due date for now - they could change it to 7 days prior.... So I could totally go into labor before the section...
I totally understand what you are going thru to a point. I have horrid inlaws. The MIL is cold to me - the FIL is just a jerk... and the sister in law (she is very immature for her age of 21 and her boyfriend) fight often and are always brought along on family trips. We are moving into a new home in a new state during the next two weeks. As soon as we get there - my hubby has to go away on a business trip leaving me alone to do a lot of work. I am supposed to be "taking it easy" due to high blood pressure issues... I have it under control at the moment...
We get a phone call - and low and behold the FIL has planned a long trip to see us for the holidays! you can only imagine this would give me little time to settle into the new house - and get ready for company (for a while)... ugh. My husband and I tried to tell them nicely it wasn't a good time to come (we have spent every Christmas with his family for the past 9 years we have been together) - and unfortunately its just bad timing with the transfer of his job and all. FINALLY - my hubby had to put his foot down and say - NO visitors at Christmas. Geeez Louise. Now they are upset - and we feel a little bad (not a lot bad)... and they have another son and daughter to spend the holidays with. We had to think of us - and our mental health and happiness - and they will get over it - and if not they are just selfish pains in the necks - and such as life.
Wow your sis is being terrible... I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My Doc wouldn't let me travel after jan. 1!! and i am due Feb. 24th. !!!!!
Asking your family for a bit of understanding in this situation is not unreasonable in the least. As it is most doctors strongly recommend to limet traveling as much as possible in the month or so leading up to the delivery. Christmas unfortunately is a family holiday and the others don't consider your comfort or availability in this matter and that is unfair. All I could offer would be a possible compromise that either you hold the holidays at your home or near to you. Or they are postponed until the baby has arrived and the baby can meet the inlaws. Once the baby has arrived likely all hostility will melt away... Good luck.
I think you already know what the right thing to do is... I can whole heartedly agree with you that you aren't being unreasonable to want to spend an important holiday with your wife and mother of your pending child. I think if my DH left me because his sister had a tanty, it would reflect his wayward priorities. The most important people in your life are your wife and unborn child... your family should appreciate that and make allowances. As tweety suggested, why can't they come to you?????
Good for you for seeing this as a potential problem... set your sister straight and let her know the universe does not revolve around her wants.
Sounds like your sis is being inreasonable, Im sure if her spouse left her in those conditions,she wouldnt be very happy! Anyway I say stay home with your wife, she is who comes first now...sorry sis! They are being selfish even too ask..Im not travelling for Christmas, and Ill be 34 weeks..not a good idea
Actually your sister is being rude and selfish, especially if you made it clear before. I agree with the other poster, ask her how she would feel. You have your own family now and it is unreasonable to leave your wife home alone on Christmas. Ask her what her problem is....is she being pushy about? Wow.
You can offer to ask the OB doctor, then just calmly tell the distant family that (as you suspected) the doctor says travel that close to the due date is out of the question due to winter weather, distance, and the uncertainties of late pregnancy. The "bad guy" is the doctor and your sister can just deal with it!!!
You've got to wonder where the true Christmas spirit is in someone who acts so ugly when she doesn't get her way. Go figure.
I can't even believe this is an issue.....has your sister EVER been pregnant??? From the sounds of it, I would say NO. Stand your ground. Don't be rude, but just state that you and your wife have your future child's well being in mind.
And to assert your point, I gave birth one week early, and my labor lasted 6 hours from when my water broke....NOT enough time IMHO. Because I needed DH there the ENTIRE time.
Try to come to some sort of compromise with your family. I know after the birth, it will be hectic for your wife to be traveling, and going away with a newborn is not something I would suggest until she is healed up (at least). Maybe you could plan a "holiday party" at your house, or at a family member's house that isnt too far away that everyone could come too...you could celebrate christmas, thanksgiving etc all in one day, plus show off your new baby. You could also promise to call on the days they are celebrating, and eat dinner or whatever "along" with them. There are creative things you could do....webcams, etc. to help be there with your family without traveling.
And like the above poster said....once baby arrives, everyone will get over your absence pretty quick. And if they don't....oh well. Their loss.
Good luck and I hope everything goes well!
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He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.
it sounds like your sis is thinking of her own needs, not yours or your wifes. If my dh even considered for 1 minute leaving me at christmas i would be heartbroken to think that i and his impending child come second to his sister. You have a new part of your family now and they need your love and support. Maybe your sister is jealous of your wife and baby! your sister does not sound very supportive of you nor does she seem to understand the responsibility to your spouse and child. Besides if this is your last christmas with just the two of you before baby arrives just think how special it will be just the 2 of you.
WOW, thanks for reafirming what I already knew. It's just this has been such a issue for 2 weeks now that I was starting to feel like the bad guy.
My sister is actually a L & D nurse, and pregnant with #8. My moms sick and wont travel, so sis thinks I should go there. And I get the whole "grandpa wont be here for many more christmas's, if any."
Anyway, I've ben standing my ground and am going to continue to do so. I have been thinking about just telling her that doc says my wife cant travel, and that its a really bad idea for me to be away.
I can't believe a L & D nurse with almost 8 children is suggesting your wife travel at 38 wks pregnant or for you to leave your 38 wk pregnant wife at Christmas time! In my opinion she, of all people, should know better. I don't think you need to make excuses like, "The Dr said not to". Be honest and upfront about it and tell her how important your wife and child are to you and that you aren't willing to risk anything when it's not necessary! Sorry, I am very opinionated and when I hear stories like this I get upset. You mentioned you won't travel after Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada so I don't know when your Thanksgiving is), does that mean you will see your Mom and everyone else then?
You can't choose your family but you did choose your wife and to have a wonderful little baby together. Your wife needs you more than anyone else on the planet right now...your sister should already know that.
I agree - your sister ought to know better!!! Maybe she hopes to deliver your baby herself?!! Maybe she's forgotten the excitement of having your first baby??
Will you and your wife have Thanksgiving with that part of the family? Even if not, you're still doing the right thing to be home, with your wife, and sound asleep when Santa comes down the chimney! You might do as I did, due on Valentine's Day and baby came on Christmas Eve!!
it sounds like having kids for your sister is old hat, if she's on #8. it's pretty insensitive of her not to consider that your wife has not popped out nearly 10 herself and probably doesn't have the same lacs. attitude she does...
if i were your wife, i would be SO, SO, ***SO*** upset if you left to go spend Christmas with your family. your wife is your family, too, and your new little one who will be coming just around the corner... start your own family Christmas, maybe grandpa won't be around for a whole year longer after this christmas, maybe mom is sick, but mom will get better, and who's to say that you can't travel AFTER the baby is born and show your new family member off WITHOUT the stress and expectations of the holidays, but just a time to visit. keep standing firm. your family loves you, but your wife is your family, too - she's closer to you than they are, and she needs you right now, especially at christmas. what a terrible thing for her to have to be worried about.
I bet if you were to ask your wife's doctor he/she would tell you NOT to travel, so it's not like you would have to lie to your sister or anything. I am due 3 days before your wife and my doc hedged a little bit on letting me travel 8 hours for Thanksgiving!! He told me to be sure and stop every 1.5 hours to get out and walk around.
Absolutely do not let her bully you into coming. It really is too late to travel for your wife. Not only will the trip be uncomfortable, but she'll have to sleep in a strange bed & play "nice" when she's not really feeling nice. At that time in a pregnancy a woman really needs to be pampered and have her needs met first and there is just NO WAY that will happen out of the comforts of her own home. I just couldn't imagine trying to sleep somewhere else that far along in pregnancy & it just would not be fair to ask a 38 week pregnant woman to do so... much less with the possibility of going a bit early!!
I am so upset by your post, I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid I would use profanity....but I've calmed down now and I've found something else to be upset about
You are not being unreasonable and frankly, I would be ticked off if my family acted in that manner. They are being selfish and truly hateful. I can't think of any other way to describe it. They are being very insensitive to your situation and it makes me wonder how they'll begin to act once the baby comes. It sounds like it's time to start a new Holiday tradition and spend it with your new family. My DH and I would love to do that, but both of our families live close by us.
My husband travels a lot for his work and I usually go with him. After December 1st (I am due December 29th) my doctor will not allow me to travel. My husband doesn't want to be away from me either so he is not going on his December trip that is 1000 miles away from home. It wasn't easy telling his boss (the VP of his company) that he wasn't coming, but she was understanding.
How did your wife react to the situation? I would have been LIVID!!!
Last edited by Mommie-2-B; 11-17-2005 at 08:26 AM.
We will be seeing my mom and grandpa for thanksgiving, and they seem fine about us not being there for christmas.
My wife knows my sister has pushed the subject but isn't aware of how much it has been escalating in the last 10-14 days. I have tried to shield her from this because I know it will just stress her out.
I have already told all of my family that as long as everything goes well and we feel up to it that we will come see everybody 2-4 weeks after he is born. My family seems Okay with this, it is just my sister, and I am oh so very close to telling her off.
I agree with starting new holiday traditions, I have my own family now. We've joked in the past about staying put and just saying "you want to see us, the door is always open."
Again, THANK YOU ALL, my sister was starting to make me feel like I was the bad guy here.
It sounds like this thread is pretty much finished but I just wanted to add something that your sister should know very well...a pregnancy is considered full-term at 37 weeks. Anything after that is definitely fair game!! It sounds to me like you sister has forgotten the nerves and excitement of having a first baby. Don't let her bully you and certainly don't leave your wife alone...I would have killed my husband if he'd done that to me...I would never have got through my labour without my DH there.
In my opinion she, of all people, should know better. I don't think you need to make excuses like, "The Dr said not to". Be honest and upfront about it and tell her how important your wife and child are to you and that you aren't willing to risk anything when it's not necessary! Sorry, I am very opinionated and when I hear stories like this I get upset. You mentioned you won't travel after Thanksgiving (I'm in Canada so I don't know when your Thanksgiving is), does that mean you will see your Mom and everyone else then? 
Maybe she's forgotten the excitement of having your first baby?? 
