I need advice on how to discuss baby names with DH rationally! I am actually losing sleep over it! It seems to turn into arguments every time. I'm a control freak to start with, and am somewhat emotional right now (if you can imagine)! One of DH's favorite phrases is "it's my way, or the highway"! So it is not going well. It's like we both take it personally when the other doesn't like a name we choose. Help!
Choosing a baby name that both partners can agree on is a very difficult and lengthy process. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I liked one name and my husband liked another. What we did to "ease the pain" of picking a baby name was to choose 5 that both of us were okay with. Then, I picked my 3 favourite and he picked his 3 favourite. There is has to be 1 that is the same. Pick that one, if you have more than 1 that's the same, well then you have the middle name(s) too!! We did this for both Girls and Boys as we didn't know what we were having! We ended up with Caden (same), Benjamin (my fav) Joshua (his fav). We weren't too sure about Caden at first but now we love it and our little man really suits it!
Good luck and I hope you and your husband realize a baby name isn't worth arguing about. Tell him that! It should be a fun and exciting adventure.
A long time ago my wife and I started discussing names, we agreed that neither would push a name that the other didn't like. There were a few times that we had to explain to the other why we didn't like a name. And I think we both tried to resubmit a few.
Maybe if you approach it more like, "have you given any(more) thought to a name, I've come up with ____ & ____, how do you like those." Or, get 1 or 2 name books and leave laying around.
How far along are you?? Maybe once you know the sex (if you are finding out) it may be easier.
As for the "its my way or the highway", it took 2 to make the baby, and will take 2 to raise it, so this is probably the first of MANY compromises he is going to have to learn to work with you on.
Then again, my FIL named my wife (signed the birth certificate and everything) without talking to my MIL. So, my MIL named the next 2 without asking him.
Dad 2B - My eyes almost popped out of my head when I read the last part of your post above!! I can't believe anyone would just name a child without consulting with MOTHER who just gave birth to that child. Very daring, or is it stupid!? Does your wife have a nice name? I'm sure she does!
Just an added note to dad 2b's suggestion. My husband really like Curtis and I just don't. I don't have a reason in particular, I just don't like it for my child. He kept bringing it up and I stood my ground. I think once a name is exhausted and suggested too many times it just gets worse!!
If we were having a girl our name was decided without any problems. Now, if this one is a girl we have changed it and it's definitely not etched in stone. Things change...you just have to be willing to go with the flow!
we decided it had to be aname we both agreed on it took forever. He hated names and so did i. we decided georgia olivia for a girl and lewis samuel for a boy. we now know we are having a boy and are starting to go off lewis we think samuel will be his first name and i want to run george by dh as a middle name. i brought a few name books and dh circled the ones he liked and i did the sam efor the ones i liked then we went through them to see which ones we both liked.
I understand that choosing a name can be frusterating. We are fortunate we are having a girl because be both had a difficult time thinking ANY boy names we liked. We both always liked Alexa (then Lexa and Lexi) for short for our girl name. Until recently my husband wants to explore other names and I get nervous because I happen to be hellbent on Alexa for her name and I have dreamed calling her Lexa several times. I am going to hang in there and not pressure him. He wants to make sure there aren't any other names. We still have time, so this helps.
My dh had picked a name for a girl since we were engaged bc he wanted a little girl -Naomi. Our first was a boy and it took a while since we came up with a name we both agree Leonard. So now my dh is finally getting his little Naomi. With the ones that will come we already agree that he will name the girls and I will name the boys
Picking out names is def. stressful. My hubby is Ukrainian so picking a name was took to another level. I felt pressure from him as well as his family pick a Ukrainian name. We literally had to go through newspapers and old books to come up with ideas. Luckily, we found out that we are having a girl because as soon as we both heard Kalyna we knew that was it. I picked the middle name Sofia after his mom (to please her of course ) However if I was having a boy we probably wouldnt agree on a name until I was in labor. ( I actually had a good friend who had a baby 3 weeks ago decide the name after she had her baby!) Just try not to stress yourself out. I agree with writing down your top names and eliminating them. At least it is a starting point! Good luck and get your sleep!
My DH and I each made a list of names we liked in boy/girl/first/middle categories. Then we swapped lists. The intolerable names were scratched and the remaining names were said aloud in mix and match combinations until we had a boy's name we liked and a girl's name we liked. Then we made sure the names passed the ultimate two tests:
1) the child's initials didn't spell anything that he/she would be teased about while in elementary school AND ...
2) we tried saying the child's potential names (first and middle) together with our last name in a tone of voice as if the child was in trouble!
We had the names!
I hope you and your DH can relax and not see this as a competition with winner and loser. As someone has said, you two are in this together. Your home will be happier and your child will have a happier life if you and DH play together nicely, with kindness and courtesy.
IMO, that "my way or the highway" is at best juvenile stupidity. At worst, well, it's a$$inine fighting words. It certainly has no place in a marriage.
Thanks for all the help and advice! I hate the my way/highway thing, but can be pretty stubborn myself sometimes! So far we have never been in a situation where we were taking opposite stances on something! I think this is different because it is so deeply personal as well as shared. We're only 10 weeks along, so I'm just going to go with the flow. I've already started listing names, and I am going to encourage him to do the same - maybe we'll have some of the same ones...
I'm only 8 weeks along and we just had our first argument about names the other day! I love one name and hubby "just doesn't like it". Sheesh! So we agreed on another. There will always be a happy medium.... it's just usually a rough road to find it!
Last edited by moderator2; 01-07-2006 at 07:33 AM.