It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Pregnancy Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-24-2006, 01:48 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 7
mommy2be29 HB User
Mommy to be looking for support

Hi all. I'm new to this board

I'm 29, and this is my first pregnancy. My husband and I have been married just one year, but we have been together since 2003, and have been friends since 2000. We feel blessed to have a little coming into our lives. Although I have to say, the pregnancy wasn't exactly planned, but not exactly prevented, if you know what I mean. I think my husband wanted it more than I did. Before I got pregnant, I didn't know how I felt about having kids. I'm still not sure I do, even though we have one on the way.

I live in LA, and don't have many friends. I have been here for 2 years, but it is hard to make friends in a place where everything is so spread out geographically. And the friends I do have are either single or guys, and have never been pregnant, so they don't understand what I'm going through. Chronic exhaustion, and I have a condition call hyper-emesis, so I am taking medication to avoid being sick, which seems to make me tired as well. I am about 14 weeks into my pregnancy, and still haven't got that second-trimester burst of energy. I still feel sick every morning, and I feel like all I do is work and sleep. Oh, that's another thing. I work out of my home, so I don't really see anyone all day. And I have to nap at least once a day to keep going.

I feel very isolated and alone, like no one knows or understands what I'm going through. Even my husband, darling that he is, is still a guy and just doesn't seem to understand that his once-superwoman wife is now tired all the time and doesn't have much energy for anything! I used to be the go-to woman, the one everyone could count on for everything. But now I am putting myself first and listening to my body, and most of the time it tells me I'm too exhausted to do anything. Needless to say, this has caused a lot of disappointment among my friends, and I feel like they think they can no longer count on me. I have missed a lot of things on account of being sick or exhausted, and they don't seem to understand that I'm not being flaky. I'm just pregnant.

Anyway, I'm hoping to cultivate some friendships here and just have some people to talk to. I'm feeling lonely and depressed, and I go through periods of elation that I'm pregnant, and periods where I feel resentment because I know I am giving up my whole life to my child, when it finally arrives. Is this normal?

If anyone has any insight, I'd be ever so grateful. Looking forward to meeting you!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-24-2006, 02:08 PM   #2
Registered User
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Duluth, MN
Posts: 701
rounsy222 HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

dont worry about a thing, you sound like your feeling like a failure or not doing something right. Trust me its all normal to be sick, tired, alone and unsure. I have a 11 year old daughter and a son who hopefully will be here sooner than later and im still unsure. There is not a perfect way to feel or act and you know what until someone actually goes through pregnancy they wont know either. Sometimes even then they wont know, some women get off as easy as can be, dont let them tell you how things should be or how you should be feeling. Let you and your doctor decide that.
This board is awesome at finding support and friends. When are you due, there should be a month for your due date you can hop on to and get insight and share your feelings too. Also feel free to read other months to get an idea of how others are doing, it will help you alot. If there isnt a month for you start one, what are you do Sept or Oct I think I saw boards for both.

good luck and welcome
Meg

Last edited by rounsy222; 03-24-2006 at 02:09 PM.

 
Old 03-24-2006, 03:49 PM   #3
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 96
LABOR HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

yeah you should no t worry just listen to your body..if your friends dont understand well to bad.. this is my first pregnacy.. and all of my friends are single or boys..I was like you i was always out and partying w/ my boyfriend.. i didnt want to get preg but i did..i was really tired all the time i would go to work and and just asleep i didnt want to do anything i mean anything.. but it started going away i would have to take power naps at work it was just hard to stay awake..i am 18 weeks and im still tired i prefer to sleep than to do anything else.. i try to go to parties and by ten im like okay lets go home.. it just weird.. but you should not worry later on you will have a baby and she/he will not let you sleep so rest right now that you can..lol.. that is what my mom tell me..

 
Old 03-24-2006, 07:16 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NH
Posts: 1,320
mommawannabee HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely and depressed! But I am glad that you are listening to your body! You are the most important person right now and you need to put yourself first! You are making a little one right now and he/she depends on you! I work out of my home too, so I can understand the isolation that you feel - although I do feel incredibly lucky to be able to lounge in my jammies while in my office. Saves lots of money on maternity clothes and allows me the flexibility I'm so lucky to need right now for my first pregnancy. I'm due Aug 21 and I just started a new tradition with my
precious baby girl, Mackenzie - we have story time in the morning/afternoon and I'll read a couple of books to her. Maybe you can find little things like this to help ease the loneliness - cuz you're really not alone when you think about it!!

Hope you find the comfort you need right now!
take care -
Lisa

 
Old 03-24-2006, 08:39 PM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Dover, DE US
Posts: 250
j baby HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

i know exactly how you feel. my pregnancy was unplanned, and although i was happy enough when i found out, i quickly became misrable due to fatigue and morning sickness and hormones. just hang in there, it will probably get better- it did for me. at 26 weeks im not as tired or sick or emotional as i was, although i have a new set of complaints like back pain. don't worry about your friends who don't understand. i don't have many friends either, and the ones i have don't have children, but i do have a supportive (if less than perfect) fiance and that makes all the difference. just worry about yourself and always remember there are alot of us all going through the same thing, so even if you feel alone, you are not alone in your struggle.

 
Old 03-25-2006, 02:11 AM   #6
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Germany
Posts: 325
Jonanner HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

Hi. Sorry you're feeling so lonely. I know how you feel. This is my first pregnancy too. None of my friends have ever had babies, so I'm the first. They are very supportive of me, but I never see any of them because we were relocated to another country for my husband's job, and will be here another year. I don't work and I have one friend here who I rarely see now. I talk to my friends back home as much as possible, but I often feel alone too. Sometimes I think, I don't want to have my baby all alone in this strange place. Where's my mom? In the end I know everything will be okay and this is going to be an amazing experience.

Either way, I'm happy about the baby, but nervous about being a good mom and how it will change my life. Pregnancy is such an emotional time. You can't predict how you will feel day to day, but try to let yourself enjoy it as much as possible. Hope you feel better soon. You're not alone.

 
Old 03-25-2006, 03:57 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Panama City Beach, Florida
Posts: 1,699
xinerevelle HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

It's tough to make friends as adults -- regardless of the geography. I've lived in several different cities since graduating from college and can county the number of good friends I have as an adult on 2 fingers. And one lives back in the Baltimore area (I live in Florida) and the other moved from where I am now to Texas. Thank goodness for email!!

We just found out yesterday that we were pregnant and haven't even told our parents yet. That should be fun (not!). My MIL made a comment last summer about how she didn't want any little kids around and definitely didn't want any grandkids (let's just say it was a looooonnnngggg week while they were visiting), which was interesting because I was babysitting my 4 yr. old neice 4 nights a week and had to bring her along to dinner and whatnot.

My mom seems to regret having kids and tries to live vicariously through me and has told my sister numerous times that I don't want kids and that she doesn't think I'll ever have them, which she is glad about. I have NO idea where she got that from! It's totally untrue. So today should be interesting!

So, mommy2be29, hang in there. These boards are great for support. I was on the TTC board for 6 months (as well as the back problems one -- I had back surgery in December... not fun!) and can tell you that the folks that come here are great!

You are right -- it will only be these ladies that understand what you are going through.

One other thing. I pulled out my insurance benefit booklet yesterday to look up maternity/well baby benefits. My insurance company (BC/BS) has a program called Baby Yourself where a nurse will call you every month to check in and is available by phone to answer any questions you have. I called and got registered and she is going to send me a bunch of literature (like about the triple/quad test) and a 32 oz. water mug so I make sure to drink enough. She said I could call her anytime (during business hours) to ask questions about anything -- they've heard it all. She was going to send a letter to my doctor letting him know I had this support. You might want to see if you have something similar. (As an added benefit, the insurance company will kick in $50 towards a car seat if you sign up -- but of course that is plan-specific.)

I look forward to talking with you all during the next 9 months!

 
Old 03-25-2006, 08:37 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: austin, texas
Posts: 735
girl75 HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

hey mommy2b29, welcome to our little spot. like the others said, you are not alone. my last 2 were not planned but my 3rd actually was and i still feel the same like, what am i getting myself into. i am 30yrs old and believe me having kids does not have to totally stop you from living your life. of course while you are actually pregnant it does but that is just for a little while. i am 34wks tomorrow and still have not gotten a burst of energy. i am still waiting though, lol.
i was the first one out of all my friends to have a baby at 25 and i know how you feel about them not understanding. now that they have had kids, some of them now understand what i have gone through. i am still missing out on stuff till this day it seems. i have a girlfriend who just so happens to be getting married the same week that i am due and i am going to miss her wedding and bachlorette party and was pretty much bummed about that but what can i do.
i decieded not to have a baby shower but my same friends still wanted to do something for me and wouldn't take no for an answer so they want to get together for dinner or something so thats cool.
just remember that you are not alone and that we are here for you.
being pregnant is not always what you see on T.V i have come to learn and everybody is different.
stop by anytime.
love,
robin

 
Old 03-25-2006, 10:16 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,279
OrangeCouture HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

I am 23 and freshly out of the military and was living in San Diego with my husband who is still in and an officer and I understand what you mean about everything being spread out geographically. We will be married 2 years this coming September and our pregnancy was planned but the timing could have been better because we just moved to Iowa and he is retiring and we are going through three life changing events at one time. (I am due in two weeks.) I have the Montgomery GI Bill from the military and so I stay at home as well and take my college courses on-line and in the beginning of the pregnancy I would also nap and usually stay inside all day. Although I am due to give birth at any time I feel great and partially because I feel so normal and great I don't feel so pregnant and the realization of it still has yet to hit me. I can't believe I am going to be a Mom! Me?!?!!!!! As far as freinds go...relationships change, especially when they are men and you are married now and they may be single and have no children. It is difficult for them to identify with you and things HAVE changed now. As far as your husband goes, talk to him about the pregnancy and your feelings, it helps. Also getting some great books and having him go to the appointments may help him understand what you are going through at that particular time. Just remember that your darling husband is there for you so talk to him when you need to and try not to complain ir get irritated with him.....I find that never helps. Best of luck to you!

 
Old 03-26-2006, 02:50 PM   #10
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 7
mommy2be29 HB User
Talking Re: Mommy to be looking for support

Thank you all for your wonderful words of wisdom and advice. I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing these feelings, and that they're perfectly normal.
You all give some wonderful advice about being pregnant and how to cope with some of the feelings of isolation and depression that come with the hormones and the ickiness and the sickness. Thank you so much!
I'm so happy I found my way to this board. It's nice to know there are others out there who are going through the same thing. I look forward to chatting more with you all, and returning the support and outpouring of warmth I have felt!

 
Old 03-26-2006, 02:52 PM   #11
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 7
mommy2be29 HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

That's a really interesting idea, checking with the health plan for all those benefits. I seriously doubt ours offers it--I think we have the worst insurance on the planet--but I'll definitely look into it! Thanks for the great advice and words of wisdom. I hope you continue to find the support you need through this message board and also through your friends. YOu're right--email is a beautiful thing! It's how I keep in touch with my friends and family back home (in NJ), and I don't know what I'd do without it.
Thank you again for responding to my post, and for your kindness. I look forward to talking more with you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by xinerevelle
It's tough to make friends as adults -- regardless of the geography. I've lived in several different cities since graduating from college and can county the number of good friends I have as an adult on 2 fingers. And one lives back in the Baltimore area (I live in Florida) and the other moved from where I am now to Texas. Thank goodness for email!!

We just found out yesterday that we were pregnant and haven't even told our parents yet. That should be fun (not!). My MIL made a comment last summer about how she didn't want any little kids around and definitely didn't want any grandkids (let's just say it was a looooonnnngggg week while they were visiting), which was interesting because I was babysitting my 4 yr. old neice 4 nights a week and had to bring her along to dinner and whatnot.

My mom seems to regret having kids and tries to live vicariously through me and has told my sister numerous times that I don't want kids and that she doesn't think I'll ever have them, which she is glad about. I have NO idea where she got that from! It's totally untrue. So today should be interesting!

So, mommy2be29, hang in there. These boards are great for support. I was on the TTC board for 6 months (as well as the back problems one -- I had back surgery in December... not fun!) and can tell you that the folks that come here are great!

You are right -- it will only be these ladies that understand what you are going through.

One other thing. I pulled out my insurance benefit booklet yesterday to look up maternity/well baby benefits. My insurance company (BC/BS) has a program called Baby Yourself where a nurse will call you every month to check in and is available by phone to answer any questions you have. I called and got registered and she is going to send me a bunch of literature (like about the triple/quad test) and a 32 oz. water mug so I make sure to drink enough. She said I could call her anytime (during business hours) to ask questions about anything -- they've heard it all. She was going to send a letter to my doctor letting him know I had this support. You might want to see if you have something similar. (As an added benefit, the insurance company will kick in $50 towards a car seat if you sign up -- but of course that is plan-specific.)

I look forward to talking with you all during the next 9 months!

 
Old 03-26-2006, 02:56 PM   #12
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 7
mommy2be29 HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

Thanks for your kind words, Lisa. I really appreciate it! And believe me, what you wrote was exactly what I needed to hear right about now!
What do you do at home? I love working at home. You're so right--nothing beats working in PJs. I love that you read to your little girl in the morning like that. What a great tradition. I would love to be able to do that with my little one as well. I hope I never have to get an office job again!
Thanks again for responding to my post. I look forward to talking with you more!
Take care,
Robyn


Quote:
Originally Posted by mommawannabee
I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely and depressed! But I am glad that you are listening to your body! You are the most important person right now and you need to put yourself first! You are making a little one right now and he/she depends on you! I work out of my home too, so I can understand the isolation that you feel - although I do feel incredibly lucky to be able to lounge in my jammies while in my office. Saves lots of money on maternity clothes and allows me the flexibility I'm so lucky to need right now for my first pregnancy. I'm due Aug 21 and I just started a new tradition with my
precious baby girl, Mackenzie - we have story time in the morning/afternoon and I'll read a couple of books to her. Maybe you can find little things like this to help ease the loneliness - cuz you're really not alone when you think about it!!

Hope you find the comfort you need right now!
take care -
Lisa

 
Old 03-27-2006, 07:23 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NH
Posts: 1,320
mommawannabee HB User
Re: Mommy to be looking for support

Hi Robyn!
Yes - nothing beats working in PJ's! I work for an insurance company and assist all of the health plans with their questions that they have regarding systems stuff. What our systems can accommodate etc - just a mixture of a whole bunch of different and interesting things. I LOVE it!

What do you do at home for your job?

I look forward to talking more with you also!
Take care Robyn!
Lisa

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Soul Support Orthotics Dancinboots Foot & Ankle Problems 0 04-23-2010 07:05 AM
August Mommy!!!! Goldielocks123 Pregnancy 12 12-27-2007 12:02 PM
*New* soon to be mommy here!! CW1984 Pregnancy 1 08-13-2007 03:40 PM
I'm a Mommy.....And it's a BOY!!!! onemoretry808 Pregnancy 18 08-09-2007 08:46 AM
A Letter to My mommy> Passed away July 19 2005 VickieLynn Death & Dying 2 07-24-2006 06:12 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (6), Xkwizit (2), TwinMamma (2), cattieos (2), mumovhann (2), kittenkaboodle (2), quinyonna07 (2), Kali333 (2), seantal (1), armywife2007 (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1162), MSJayhawk (992), Apollo123 (890), Titchou (827), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (757), ladybud (744), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:21 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!