Recently my mother told me my dad was in the labor room but not the delivery room for both of her pregnancies. I made the mistake of telling my bf that, and now he doesn't wanna be there! He says he's afraid of passing out. I wondered if it is normal for the father to not be there? I hope I can change his mind. It sounds too 1950's to me.
My dad wasn't with my mom either time as well. My husband however was with me both times. My ob won an award from the govenor of my state because he was the first doctor in our state to allow men in the delivery room (he's been an ob for a long time). So my doctor helped to put my husbands fears at ease. My husband said the same thing that he would pass out. But I just kept telling him how much I really needed him. He finally agreed and now he's glad he did.
I think these days it's more normal for the man to be in the delivery room. A lot of men have fears about delivery. They are afraid they will pass out or that something will happen to you or the baby. I think the passing out thing happens more on TV than in real life. Maybe you can try reassuring him that everything will be okay, but if he feels really strongly about not being there perhaps you could ask someone else (like your mom, sister or a friend).
p.s. My husband insists on being in the delivery room, but doesn't want anything to do with cutting the cord. He's scared he will mess it up. They're all just scared! Pregnancy is very foreign to them.
They think the reason they will pass out is because of the blood. In reality there really isnt that much blood. There may be some from you tearing or if they do an episiotomy but that is really about it. My husband says that he wont miss it for nothing. He is going to cut the cord and assist in giving her her first bath. They even asked if he wanted to assist in delivery. He is on the edge about that one. Basically on that my midwife will deliver the head and suck out the mucus and then let him catch the rest of the baby (with her right there of course). My day is getting closer and Im getting more and more anxious.
when i was preg with my dd my hubby said from the start the he wanted to be there as he wanted to cut the cord, i was abit worried about him fainting but he was brilliant, i started to deliver at 5,30 am and by that time had already had an epidural which cause my whole left leg to go completely numb, i couldnt even move it, to cut a long story short i eventually was laid on my side to give birth with my completely dead leg wrapped around my husbands neck so he had a very close up view, but all the fear of him fainting didnt even enter my head, he was just making jokes the whole way through to cheer me up (bad jokes at that). sadly he didnt get to cut the cord as they dont allow it where i live which was a bit dissapointing but he got to bath her and give her her first feed which was great, now we are expecting our second child and i cant wait
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
My husband said he never felt so out of place in his life, mostly because I had a medication free birth, and I wasn't able to enjoy anyone's company most of the time. Everyone had to sit around and watch me in pain, but he said that he probably wouldn't cut the cord but he ended up doing it. Sometimes they may have another image in their heads other than what it may really be like.
My husband said the same thing. I was upset at 1st and was telling him that if I have to give birth and go through all that pain, that he had to be in there. If he was worried about passing out or getting sick that he just needed to stand next to my head and not look down. When I told him that he said yes and then kept changing his mind. My last resort was to challenge his ego or manlyness by telling his Mother he was refusing to go in becausee he was scared. It wasn't the nicest thing too do but it worked. Next thing I know we have moved on to argueing about who will be in the delivery room besides him. I hope you have a plan figured out, because I still haven't figured out my problem. Everyone says its up to me but if you knew my family and my in-laws you would know that what I want will come with major reprocusions and penalties. So it's deal with it for one day including the birth or deal with it for a lifetime after! Anway eventually I decided that if he sin't in there in will be fine because it might be better if he's not because I don't want to have to worry about him and not be able to focus on the birth and myself. I think it's normal for the Father to not come in but than again this is my 1st baby.
i really didn't give my husband a choice. i guess he didn't think he had one either, because he never said anything about not comming, but he was really worried about watching, he said he was going to stay at my head and wait for the baby.
when it can time, he was holding my leg and the dr. had to tell him to move his head so she could deliver the baby. with both of our children.
He said it was a beautiful thing. now when he hears other new dads say they don't want to watch or go in, he encourages them and tells them that it is something they don't want to miss. it's the birth of your child, and it is a beautiful and wonderful experience. you get to see life come into this world that the two of you created. it's amazing. and when i hear him say that, it makes me love him that much more. He's great.
so encourage you bf to go in. to just stay at you head if he would like, because it really is an amazing experience.
My DH doesn't have a choice either. I'm in the camp of "hey, I just spent 40 weeks not drinking caffeine, not eating lunchmeat, being uncomfortable, etc. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS STAND NEXT TO ME FOR A FEW HOURS AND SUPPORT ME AS I GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR DAUGHTER!" ha! To be honest with you, I don't really care whether he is going to get squeamish or not... that's his problem to deal with. I'll have my own to worry about...
Thirty years ago it was quite different in the medical scene. My mom wasn't even given a choice on whether to have her tubes tied after she had my brother... since she had some cancer of the vulva the gyno just decided to do it at the same time for since he didn't think she should have more kids (there was NOTHING wrong with any of her reproductive organs) and my parents were planning on having about 6 kids (they ended up with 2). She was mighty surprised when she woke up!
My dad wasn't in the delivery room either... in fact, for my brother's birth in 1973 Monday Night Football was on so he was watching it in the waiting room. Mom was already quite advanced in labor (she didn't even have time for the saddle block to kick in before she had him). The doc came out and got so engrossed in the game with my dad that it was about 15 minutes before he remembered to tell him that he had a son! sheesh.
My dh was there for both of mine and had no trouble at all. He was in awe of the whole experience. I don't think they know what to expect beforehand and that can cause anxiety for them. You could ease his fears by explaining that he can be in there with you without actually watching the baby being born. Now, once he is in there I bet he will want to see, but he could hold your hand and comfort you without seeing anything. During my sister's last labor, one of her sons wanted to be in the room but wasn't sure about watching the birth, so he sat close to his mom and got to share in the excitement without seeing everything. Maybe you could talk to your bf about that to ease his anxiety? Good luck!
My dh had 2 children from his 1st marriage. He didn't go in the room with either of them, he just paced the floors. Well when I went into labor( water broke and I wasn't even 1 cm) with our 1st several people came to hospital,after I was in labor for 10 hours and really feeling bad, I had my husband ask everyone to leave.I felt vunerable. After a few more hours it was time to push and hubby said let me step on out( I really didn't care at this point who was there) and Dr. said hang on, go ahead and grab her hand and help her sit up a little. My dh was very flustered, but felt like he really was needed. He stayed and is so thankful the doc put him on the spot like that. Or 2nd he was very omfortable and even cut the cord. This time he joked he would just deliver it LOL. I think they are more nervous than us.
Good luck, tell him he won't regret it.Mine didn't
From what I understand, years back, fathers weren't allowed in the delivery room. I know my father wasn't allowed when me or my brother were born, but was allowed when my sister was born.
My husband tried getting out of it too because he was afraid of what he would see (he doesn't have the stomach for it), but I would NOT let him get out of it. I told him that he helped me get to this point and that I was not doing this alone. I didn't give him the choice to back out. I needed him for support, and I was going to get it. So, he was in there with me........and handled it quite well.
my dh was scared of seeing me in any pain and thought i was stupid to not want to have a section, he can't understand why women want to experience the pain if they don't have too men wimps. anyway i was ill at the end of my pg and got rushed in for a section and dh did not get there in time he arived just as my son wrapped in a blanket was being passed to me so i asked he went to his daddy first which was lovely. personally if my delivery had been a normal one believe me my dh would have been there or we would be in the divorce courts lol. it is a time when you need support i was so frightened being all alone when things were going bad for me and ds and sadly dh was not there in time ds was delivered so quickly and urgently to keep us both from geting worse.