Yesterday I had my first appointment. My husband came, and was in the room for questions, the (vaginal) ultrasound, blood test, etc. During my exam (pelvic, breast, pap) the doctor asked if he would be leaving or staying. I said he would leave. Later he asked why I had kicked him out considering he will be there for the birth, though he said he didn't mind leaving, just wondered about it. He is right in a way, though it seems a bit different. I was wondering if most husbands stay for this sort of stuff and if he should stay for future exams.
My husband has always been in the room everytime I get a pap or what not. He's been in the room when I had ds and well he needs to be there god forbid anything comes up. It's easier for it to be heard from the dr than it is for me to tell him something if it happens. That way if he has any questions he can ask the dr and I dont have to try to remember them for my next appt. It's actually a lot easier. But to each their own.
I understand your concern. I do feel it is so private what women go through. I really don't want my DH when I have the pap, etc. However, he has been in the room several times now that I went through my IVF process. He saw when they put the eggs in there and has seen a couple of vaginal ultrasound for the baby.
He is also going to be in the delivery room. Not because he will be very helpful (like LovinArmyWife05's DH). Sometimes DH does not ask the right questions and some questions are even silly. But I will let him be part of it because he is the Dad and he wants to be part of it... of course, until he faints. I know when he sees how impressive is delivering a baby, he will get dizzy and may lose it. His Mom wants to be in the delivery room and I have flat out told her NO. Of course, she is bent out of shape about it ... and she drives me NUTS . I don't understand WHY she wants to be there. My mom is so sweet that she understands and will wait outside. Even if I would want my Mom in the room I couldn't have her cuz then my MIL will get so jealous and make a scene and then I will have to have all those people in the room. I don't need people cheerleading me while I deliver the baby.
I wouldn't want my DH to be there for pap exam, it'd be rather creepy. You're in such a compromising position, I'd rather have no witnesses.
I think labour and witnessing birth of his child is very different. Though I would be happy not to have him there for that either. He wasn't that helpful. His way of helping was to press the needles in my arm (IV), his explanation... to distract me from the pain. And he's a doctor too, you'd think he'd know better. MEN!!!
It's all personal preference. I just think some things should stay private.
My husband wanted to be there during my exams pregnancy and nonpregnancy related. I told him it would be weird for him since he had never been through so before I got pregnant I had him in on a regular pap. He siad it was weird but no big deal. He was fine from there on out. He said with our second son he really missed being there for all my appointments but it couldnt be helped when he was tdy all the time.
I say let them experience every part of it. They helped make the baby they should be there for every thing else. You actually get use to it and miss it later when they arent there.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
I know how you feel. My dh was with me at almost all of my exams and ultrasounds. I had complete placenta previa and an incompetent cervix. So I had many internal ultra sounds. My tech would perform the tummy one first, then I would make dh leave when she did the internal.
My tech used to laugh at me, but I felt that it was personal choice. Like I didn't think it was right having dh watch while another female inserted a long rod (tmi) into me. Eww. Not that I'm homophobic, as I have many friends that are gay. It just was too much for me.
Dh was present for every thing else though, including the stripping of my membranes when I was past due. I don't think it bothered him either way.
He was present for the entire birth as well. I did not have anyone else in the room besides him and I am thankful for that. I had such a complicated labor/delivery, that I had no less than 6 nurses with me and then dh and my doctor, that was way more than enough! He helped count out contractions/pushing and was a big help. Anyone else, like MIL ( ) would have made it worse.
You are entitled to how you feel about it. It's all a personal choice. No right or wrong.
From a male point of view on this one I would have to agree that it is all a personal choice. With my wife if she asked me to leave or inferred that she didn't want me in there for the exams which require her to be in the stir-ups I would respect her wishes. It doesn't bother me to be in there and she knows I am not going to be gazing up the sheet to get a peek or anything.
I have been to all the appointments thus far, other than strictly blood draws, and don't plan to miss any throughout. I don't know how the doctor likes me being there though, she always kind of just says "the only important one to attend is the ultrasound" which makes me feel a little unwanted by her, but I know my wife wants me there. It helps with any questions that we have had through out the time between visits. I like to hear the progress of the baby too. This is the first baby for both her family and mine so neither of us have experienced anything before.
However, I know I wouldn't really want my wife in the room when I have my physical where they do the hernia check or later in life for the prostate exam, and a women's physical is no different. So if I had to guess later in the pregnancy I will probably step out of the room during the internal exams, just for my wife's comfort.
Hubby came in with me. He had no prob with it and it made it easier for me becuase I had a male doc and usually when it's a male doing an exam on a female they bring in a nurse to witness - since hubby was there nurse was not and it eased my anxietys!
My ex was in there with me for exams and stuff and it was no big deal. He was at my head and not staring up my crotch though... But hey in the delivery room you have several people in there staring right at you so what is the difference??? haha If you can handle that with strangers then your hubby should be no problem.
My Dh has been there and hasn't. Doesn't really matter to me or him either way. He also wasn't much help at delivery. I caught him eating breakfast just as I had started pushing. I could have shot him! LOL! My main coaches were my mom and dad. Yes, my father witnessed the birth of my DD. The one reason I did it was b/c my mother had to have me (his only child) by c-section. Back then they didn't let the man in the room for that, so he missed my birth entirely. My MIL was supposed to be there instead, but she was late, and so my dad was thrilled to stay. He is closer to my DD b/c of it and he will be there for the birth of this one too. Wonderful coaches, my parents are. DH did cut the cord, and made sure the light wasn't bothering her eyes while they cleaned her up. Then he held her while they got me dealt with. So, really it is a personal choice what you do and don't do.
My Dh came in with me for my first exam where they did the internal. He sat at my head. He was actually kind of cute and asked a lot of questions (like did it hurt were the spreaders(as he called them) cold what did it feel like) I thought it was cute and gave him a whole new outlook on what we have to go through. He seemed ok with it and I was fine with it. My doc just laughed at his questions and of course answered them to the best of HIS ablibity. But I think its a personal choice. If you or your DH isn't comfortable then he shouldn't be there.
I didn't really think about it (nor did the doctor ask), but my DH was there for my recent Pap. I wouldn't want him there for routine visits, because I am not 3 years old. But this was the first time meeting the OB so of course he was there and went in for the exam. My 1.5 year old daughter was there as well as a nurse. Party in exam room 11.
I went through IVF at a teaching hospital so I have had daily vaginal ultrasounds with an audience for a month twice now. Between that and my daughter's birth, I just don't care anymore. Nobody is seeing anything they haven't seen before in that room.
My husband and I always go to all of each other's doctor appointments, unless we absolutely can't. We do this because I will often have insight into my husbands well-being that he doesn't, and vice-versa. Now with the baby, and the difficult pregnancy, I feel great knowing that there are two voices in the room with me and the doctor. He has always been to all of my paps and I am glad to have him there. It makes me more comfortable, not less.
mjbrandon...you make a very good point. When I was pregnant with DS I'd have loved DH to be there just because it was the first pregnancy, and I had complications. And now he will be here for just about the full thing. He wasn't here for like 3 months of it. Which is okay because he's here for the biggest part of it, and if I get into a high risk pregnancy again he will be here to help take care of DS and will help me out. It was hard communicating with him when he's half way across the world, and he is here to ask many questions now especially due to the situation. And because I've had abnormal paps come back here's been there to comfort me. It is quite comforting to have someone in the room you can trust, and keep you comfortable.
But again it's a personal decision, but it helps greatly for another brain there if you forget something, because in pregnancy that is something good to happen