It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Pregnancy Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-10-2007, 02:28 PM   #1
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kansas
Posts: 481
Sillygirl554 HB User
Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

I know that this probably sounds rude but I need advice. My MIL and I do not get along at all, really I can not stand the women. My husband and her do not have a very good relationship at all either. But she has already requested that we call her when we go in to deliver and I do not want her there at all. Having a baby is something that my husband and I tried to have for 4 years and we spent several thousand dollars doing it. This is going to be the best days of our lives and I do not want our joy being ruined by her presents. So does anyone have any suggestions on how to tell her she is not welcome?

 
Old 10-10-2007, 02:43 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Columbus
Posts: 555
LiseK HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

dont call her til after you've had the baby. If she acts all insulted which would be really stupid, just explain that the last thing you two were thinking about was who to call? I dunno , the worst thing I've had to deal with was making sure my MIL understood that I didnt want her in the room when I delivered my son

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-10-2007, 02:45 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 477
desmaggie HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

Just don't call her and tell her after the fact.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 03:52 PM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: belllflower
Posts: 479
bricely HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

my suggestion, call her when your about to start pushing don't tell her while your there and there monitoring when there about to tell you ok were going to start pushing that's when you call her and tell her you just arrived to the hospital but you've really been there a long time so when she does get there you tell her that everyone was suprised how fast you had your baby that way its just you and you DH

What you think

 
Old 10-10-2007, 08:05 PM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Usa
Posts: 313
magster04 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

You're not the onlyone with this problem, believe me. Also, it's not rude in the least.
With us it's my FIL and my MIL.. After we told them we don't want them at the hospital waiting for the baby (they have a horrible relationship and would make us both crazy just knowing they're there) they intimated they would come anyway. Then we simply told them they wouldn't get a phone call til the baby's here, then they're welcome to come. They weren't happy, but like you, we've tried for 2 and a half years and want this day to be very special, not stressing because of people we truly don't want to be around that often. Be polite about it, but be sure to stand up for what you and dh want. It's an event that is a first only once and it needs to be kept special for the two of you. That's my opinion anyway. Good luck! Let us know what happens

Vi

 
Old 10-10-2007, 08:21 PM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: SD
Posts: 203
leeleelanilou HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

Just don't call her & don't call anyone that might tell your MIL. Tell the staff at the hospital that they are to tell no one that you've been admitted the the OB.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 12:03 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,545
Amy 333 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

It s so good feeling i am not the only one here..........

Steph if i were you i just wouldn t tell her .....and say that things were not planned...at least that s what i hoped to do even though it won t be that easy now because i was told i ll have to be induced.

This is something between you and DH......you have invested so much for this moment and it is up to you to decide with whom you want to share your special day.

Amy

 
Old 10-11-2007, 06:19 AM   #8
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kansas
Posts: 481
Sillygirl554 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

Thank you ladies for all of your relpies. I am glad to know that I am not the only one with this problem. I think what I am going to do it just not call her. My mom will be there so if I call right when I start to push she will wonder how my mom got there first when she lives like 5 min away from hospital and my mom lives like 30 min away. I really just do not even know why she wants to be there. She hates me, she never talks to my husband, she has nothing to do with the other grandchildren in her life so it makes no sense. I think she wants to be there just cuz she knows it will **** me off.

Well not my problem, I just won't call

Stephanie

 
Old 10-11-2007, 11:55 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,260
jmcummins3 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

I understand that you don't have a good relationship with her. Is your question how do you tell her not to come to the hopital while you're in labor, or not to come to the hospital at all, even after the baby's born? It's much easier to keep her away when you're in labor by just not telling her when you go in, even if you have a scheduled induction or c-section. I don't know how you tell her not to visit at all while you're in the hospital with the baby without having to tell her you just plain don't want her around.

Not to scare you, but I have an annoying "friend" (DH's good buddy's wife, so not someone I can escape) who actually had the audacity to call the hospital and ring my labor and delivery room, insisting that she come up to visit - WHILE I WAS IN LABOR! I was sent to the hospital at 37 weeks to be induced due to dangerously low amniotic fluid. They decided to do the gel overnight and start the pitocin the next morning, so I was in the hospital for 2 days before we had the baby (everybody and their brother was leaving nasty mesages on our cell phones, assuming we just didn't call anyone when the baby was born, but he wasn't even born yet!). The induction took ALL DAY for labor to actually kick in, so we were sitting there waiting nervously to find out if the baby would be okay at barely 37 weeks. The last thing I wanted was some annoying "friend" there driving me crazy when my nerves were already on edge. When the phone rang I thought it was my annoying MIL asking "so, did you have the baby yet?" as if we wouldn't call her when we did. Thankfully, DH fended them all off. I couldn't even handle that "friend" coming to the hospital after the baby was born, so DH told her we wanted "family only" there, since the baby ended up having to go to the Special Care Nursery and he wasn't in the room with us.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 12:59 PM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kansas
Posts: 481
Sillygirl554 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

jmcummins-

To be honest, I would rather her not be there at all, during the delivery or after to visit. She is just a mean person to me and I feel like if that is how she is towards me then she has no business being around my kid. My husband does not really get along with her either. I think that last time he talked to her was over a 2 months ago and she called to tell him something about his sister. She never asked how I was doing or the baby. That is why I don't see why she cares so much. She makes no effort to have a relationship with my husband nor me so why our baby?

Plus I told my husband once the baby is here, there is no way in hell my child will ever be at her house. Not over my dead body. She is a very dirty women. Every time we go over there there is cat crap and dog crap on the floors and probably pee as well we just can't see it. There is plates of food sitting around with mold growing on it and pop cans, it is just so gross. My husband always gets so embarrassed when we have to go over there. ( My husband is just the very opposite. He is very clean and a neat freak like you would not believe. He is a wonderfull man and I wonder how he turned out that way when I see what he was raised in but he is wonderful and the best husband ever.)

I really do not want her around, sorry if that sounds rude but it is the truth, my husband feels the same way we just don't know how to tell her. Although we may not get along I still do not want to hurt her feelings but I will not let my baby be exposed to that either. That is why it is so hard to figure out what to do

 
Old 10-12-2007, 04:21 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,260
jmcummins3 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

I think you just have to tell her. It's easier if you don't want her waiting while you're in labor, but you'll be in the hospital for 2 days after the baby is born. You could just tell her that you don't want ANY visitors in the hospital, but if there are other relatives that will visit and tell her, then that won't work either. You can also tell her that your doctor told you NO visitors for the first week, month, etc. after you're home. We did that with my in-laws, although it was so we could bond with the baby and I could get some rest while DH was off work; we pushed everyone off with both of the little ones and are glad we did. You either have to tell her how you feel or allow her to visit after the baby's born. Maybe she wants to mend her ways and start fresh with her grandchild. If she's rude, maybe you should say something then. I agree with not taking the baby over to her house, though. That's GROSS!

 
Old 10-12-2007, 07:45 AM   #12
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 273
Ravishing HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

We don't want my MIL at the hospital either. Because of this, we have told everyone in the family that we don't want them to visit until we call and tell them that we are feeling up to having visitors. We are afraid that if my FIL is in town he will feel that he is the exception to this rule and show up at the hospital anyway. But, we have been told by friends that the nurses at the hospital where I am having the baby will go above and beyond to honor the wishes of the parents and keep people away. We have decided that if people want to go against our wishes and camp out in an uncomfortable waiting room for days at a time, they are more than welcome to. This is a special time for DH and I and we have no guilt about turning people away if thats what it takes.

I know that we will have to continue this stance after the baby is born as well. When my SIL had our nephew, my MIL pretty much moved in with her and her husband every weekend for months to "help". We will not tolerate this and she will only be allowed to visit or "help" when we actually want or need it.

My FIL wants to come into town to visit after the baby is born and we're ok with this, but he always insists on staying at our house when he is in town. Last week I told him that he is welcome to stay with my SIL but not us after the baby is born. I know this made him really mad and I have a feeling he will try to fight us on the issue but again, we really don't care. We are determined to do what is in the best interest of our child and ourselves. Our feelings on the matter may not be popular with my in laws but their choices are not always popular with us either.
__________________
Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.

 
Old 10-12-2007, 07:59 AM   #13
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kansas
Posts: 481
Sillygirl554 HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

Ravishing-

Thak you for your response. I feel the same way you do about this being something special between husband and wife and it should stay that way. My only problem is, I want my parents there, not in the room but waiting to see her after we have bonded a little, and so does my husband. My husband sees my parents more of his parents than his own so he wants them there. But I think I will just do what husband and I feel is best and that is keep her away. I was thinking about giving the nurses a list of names on who is and who is not allowed in my room plus I am telling the hospital operator to not give out my room number to people who call.

 
Old 10-12-2007, 01:08 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 548
Accutane2X HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

I don't have a MIL (she passed away) but I do not want anyone in the room with us. I just want my DH there. Is this selfish? I don't want to call and tell anyone that I have gone to the hospital until after the baby is born. I am afraid my mom will be upset.

I also know what you mean about visiting other houses that are not clean. My FIL lives alone (doesn't worry about cleaning) and is a chain smoker. I feel unhealthy just visiting him even before I was pregnant. I don't know how we are going to handle the holidays. While pregnant, I don't want to be around the smoke and after the baby is born I don't want it around it either. But it's hard to avoid.

 
Old 10-14-2007, 02:05 PM   #15
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 479
gemmalou HB User
Re: Any suggestion on how to tell MIL not to come to hospital

just wanted to add my bit, with my dd my mum came to the hospital with me and dh, but the second time around i just wanted me and dh there and no one else,, it was just something i wanted us to share together, but my mum said from day one that she wanted to be there so i just went along with her, i had quite a few false labours and had texted everyone saying i was going into labour but on the day he was born i texted everyone but my mum (how awful am i? lol) saying i was in labour, and when he arrived, and i had settles in on the ward i texted my mum to say he had been born, she didnt say anything to me but when she did visit i just appologised for not letting her know and said i thought it was a false start etc etc and that when i got to hospital i was in so much pain, talking to people was the last thing on my mind (which was true cause he came too hours later) lol.
i definately think not telling is the best option, cause then your not hurting her feelings by saying you dont want her there, as the old saying goes,,,, what they dont know, dont hurt them
__________________
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
just wanted to tell my story amy8 Bipolar Disorder 9 05-27-2009 03:01 PM
Have I had a miscarriage??? No one can tell me! morphette Miscarriage & Still Birth 2 12-08-2008 10:51 AM
How do tell FIL he needs to be in a home. rosariared Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 15 11-04-2007 12:07 PM
how do you tell your mil not to come out when the baby comes besafe20 Pregnancy 3 09-16-2007 05:57 PM
Tell me im not alone Transformi Depression 5 07-05-2007 01:28 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (6), cattieos (2), mumovhann (2), kittenkaboodle (2), Xkwizit (2), TwinMamma (2), quinyonna07 (2), Kali333 (2), hillarynotclinton (1), lovelyme (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1011), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (761), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:49 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!