Wow!! You're asking a bunch of pregnant women this question?? LOL . . the best thing I can tell you is . . . . . . . . PATIENCE!!!!!!!! There is a lot going on in a pregnant woman's body and she has to give up things for the entire pregnancy such as coffee, soda, chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, most medicines, our regular clothes, OUR BODIES . . . Is it that unreasonable for a man to be understanding and patient and realize that we don't have control over our bodies and maybe this time is about the baby and not about his *@#!#(##%#! LOL . . but seriously, if she wants it she'll let you know, if not . . back off . . . it's only 9 months and she is sacrificing a lot more than you.
you're kidding, right? you came to this board to ask this question??? what is this, some sort of gang initiation? go p*** off the pregnant women and see if you live through it??? are you crazy???
here's my advice.... learn to understand what a pregnant woman is going through..... get yourself a really good set of pliers and attach them to your nipples and twist really hard.... do this all day for at least 9 months.... go and take about 25 pounds worth of bricks and throw them in a backpack and wear it on your stomach.... do this all day long for 9 months.... it's especially great when your sleeping..... knock yourself on the head with a sledge hammer a few times to get that wonderful constant headache all day long that inevitably accompanies pregnancy.... get yourself a good hit of salmonella to induce that wonderful nausea and vomiting feeling - do this everyday for at least three months.... purchase a brand new thong that's at least 6 sizes too small and then try to squeeze your fat arse into it and try seducing a man with it.... after you try just these few simple things, see how sexy you feel???
LOL PP, too funny! Seriously, I can't believe you would ask this to a bunch of preggos. Be sensitive, I'm sure she has too much on her mind to deal with that issue at the moment, alot of women while pregnant lose their sex drive, there's really nothing you can do to force her to want it... it has alot to do with hormones in the body and how she responds to them. You just have to be patient with her and respect her right now. She will be into it when she's ready. I know the first 15 weeks or so I couldn't even think about doing that because I was so sick from throwing up all the time I couldn't do anything like that. As these other ladies have said, give her a break, she's going through ALOT right now that you can't even comprehend.
DH (23) Me (23) Our first little one!!! EDD 1/30/08!!! BIG u/s sept. 25th, we can't wait!!!!
Best advice I can give is to tell you not to take it personally. Its not that she's not into you anymore. I'm sure that in her head she wants her sex life and body back just as much as you do. But, like everyone else has said, her body is freaking out and there is nothing that can be done to force her libido to come back to life for the time being. I'm sure that if there was something (anything) that could be done she would be doing it (I know I would!! Its been a looong time since sex was fun and I MISS IT!)
You will get farther by showing understanding than you will by nagging her about not having sex. I can honestly say that I'm WAY LESS inclined to actually give in and have sex with my husband when he's whining about not getting any than I am when he's being thoughtful and considerate and doing little things to help out. I tend to feel more generous and less tired at the end of the day when he's
picked up after himself and helped out more than he normally would.
Attitude is the difference between an adventure and an ordeal.
thanks for the insight. its just that we have only had sex about 8 times within the 8 months of her being preggo! she doesnt do anything else either. nothing i do is ever right. she doesnt work, all she does is sit around the house . i cook, i clean, i pay the bills.. so i thought it was something i was doing wrong. she says dont say anythign about it and it will happen.. well i stopped asking and 4 months later she decided to try one day and then in the middle of it told me to go handle myself cause she was done.. hmmm? just had a few questions to ask and whoelse than a room full of pregnant women. i wasnt tryin to step on toes ,yet just try to get another opinon on the whole thing. thanks
sorry.... it was four in the morning when i wrote that....
not that it's not all true....
i guess it must be hard for a man to wrap his head around this, but most women don't NEED sex the same way a man thinks he NEEDS to have it. most women just want to feel like they are loved and appreciated. and i hope you never tell your wife how you're feeling about how she never does anything. pregnancy does horrible things to a woman and her hormones! it's possible her hormones have her so messed up and depressed that she might have given up all together on everything and is simply concentrating all her efforts on not falling apart. no matter what she does, make sure she knows you love her and appreciate the things that she does do.
with my first pregnancy, i was very much the same way, and my husband was very much like you sound. i love him dearly, but when i'm feeling disgustingly fat and bloated and PREGNANT, i don't want him to come near me. it wasn't anything personal, i just had an aversion to SEX.... it was almost like my thoughts were "well sex got me into this mess, why would i want to do that again????"
it was when my husband started acting like he understood my feelings and stopped acting resentful that i started feeling more inclined to be with him. when his attitude changed from acting like he HAD to do everything for ME, to he loved doing things to help the BABY, things got a lot better!
Well, I can definitely tell you some things you should NOT do, and then a few hints which may work:
- DON'T tell her when you self-pleasure yourself
- DON'T make her feel guilty for the things she can't do, including in the bedroom
- DON'T take it personally....this may continue a few months after she has the baby as well (you have to give her healing time, and time to get settled with the new baby)
Here are some things you can try
- Pampering! Massages! Men can get turned on by simply thinking about sex--us women have to be warmed up and seduced, even more so when we feel sick, bloated, unattractive and tired.
- Tell her how sexy she is, or how much of a trooper she is for putting up with being pregnant. Seriously. I know you feel like you are doing a lot around the house, but women take pregnancy in different ways--some woman can work, some are bedridden. But no way is a wrong way--it's just HER way. What can you do--she's literally creating your child. That's no small feat!!
- Be patient and try not to think that this is just something she is doing to punish you--all woman go through this when the are pregnant, to some extent. Jenny McCarthy wrote a book about pregnancy, and she claimed she only had sex ONCE during the nine months. So even sex symbols like her can lose it all during pregnancy
Good luck, and if all fails, just take care of yourself discreetly and respectfully if you absolutely need it.
He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.
Feeling sexy while being pregnant is difficult at best and lots of women just don't want to be seen naked. Plus, as the belly grows, it becomes more and more difficult to be comfortable and it takes LOTS of creativity to find the right angle. A few tips though:
-- Don't pester her... it'll just make her more irritated about the process.
-- Make sure she knows that you love her and think she's sexy. THIS IS IMPORTANT!!! My experience has been that most men love their significant others and are attracted to who they are, and pregnancy doesn't change that... unfortunately, their significant others often can't see that in the midst of the body change crisis that pregnancy creates on our egos. It takes a lot of convincing!
-- When she does agree to sex, make sure her pleasure comes first, that way she's more likely to be interested next time.
It sounds like you are most of the way through the pregnancy now, so hopefully things will be back on tract soon... but make sure she has time to heal! Good luck!
all I can say is imagine not being turned on at all to the thought of sex, having no desire, having your penis swollen and sore, and knowing that if you do have sex it will be uncomforable and you won't orgasm. You wouldn't want your wife annoying you for it either.
I'm going through this right now with my fiance. I am not interested in sex in the least. Not at all. It scares me and makes me feel guilty. But, what can I do? This is my first pregnancy and I had always heard that pregnancy makes a woman want it more!! I thought there was something wrong with me! I don't even want to be touched. It makes me feel like a cold, mean person, and I'm not!! I am glad he posted in here, b/c it made me see that I am not the only woman going through this!!