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tami52100 · 03-05-2008, 02:01 PM

Ladies I don't know if any of you have had to deal with this before and I would of never in a million year thought I would be. My dh decided yesterday that he didn't think this baby is his and when I was pregnant before and m/c that one wasn't his either. We have been married for over 7 years and been TTC since before we got married. We have done the infertility drs and found out he has low testostrone and low motility so our chances wasn't good we was told to conceive we would have to have IFV and we can't afford that and insurance in our state want cover any of it. When I found out I was pregnant 2/21 I was so happy and felt so blessed to finally be pregnant again. I could understand why he didn't act as happy as I was so I figured he was just scared because of the m/c before I figured give him time and he would snap out of it but it is getting horrible. He did go with me for the first Ultrasound but again no emotions didn't seem to care and and acted like he didn't want to be in there. So I asked him if he was going to the next one on the 13th he told me he didn't know. This is our first child together I don't want him to miss any of this I know this is his baby I have never stepped out on him ever and he has never even accused me of doing that. My first pregnacy I did it alone but I have all the memories that I share with him about the first kicks and the ultrasounds and the first time I heard the HB and I don't want him to miss out of any of this because I am not planning on having any more kids. I don't want to have to have a DNA test when the baby is here (not that I am worried at all of it being his) and it come back his and then he is going to have so many regrets on missing out on all the memories and the joys of watching and feeling your baby grow and come into this world. I guess I am just rambling here but I needed to talk to someone I talked to my stepmom and she and my dad and done talked about this they was wondering if he was going to do this. I don't know if he has said anything to his family or not but they seem to be kinda emotionally out of it too then again maybe he hasn't told them and it is just me worring that he has.This is getting really long so I will stop now. Any words of wisdom would be nice because I don't know what to do.I am trying not to stress over this but it is hard not to this is suppose to be the happiest time of our lives right now.

Ol'Line Rebel · 03-05-2008, 08:13 PM

Hi, I am sorry you have gone through so much as it is, and this to top it off.

I can't help but wonder if your husband is feeling very insecure - about his "potency", his "manhood", because of the fertility problems he seems to have - and that is making him insecure about how he could possibly impregnate you. IOW, maybe he is thinking it's about impossible for him to impregnate you, so "it must be someone else"?

Have you simply tried talking openly to him? I don't know what he or you are like in behavior normally; you would know how that might work or not. You can give it a shot, though; approaching him and asking him if he's simply in disbelief that he could've himself gotten you pregnant. And assuring him that even if it's a 1-a-million shot, it can still happen!

If you don't think you can each talk civilly together (don't be surprised by a few tears or defensive remarks; I mean a real shout fest or shut-down), do you have any pastor or counselor or anyone you can talk to together about this? (If public, you might want to consider asking by yourself 1st, then inviting DH in.) Do you have any friends or more-distant relatives between you that are fair and could help you discuss these things he's worried about?

tami52100 · 03-05-2008, 08:27 PM

Hey Thanks for the reply I am feeling alittle better tonight we have talked and I think he might be alittle better aswell or so it seems. The drs didn't tell him he was sterile or anything just his swimmers wasn't going anywhere fast but like I told him it only took one at the right time to do the trick.
I think what really got to me was the pregnacy before we lost in the 2nd trimester that was so hard on me and still is when I think about it and to here him say that killed me. That was such a hard time for everyone. I hope he gets better I told him that I know with out a shadow of a dought that this is he baby no questions asked that there is no way it could be anyone elses. But I told him if he still has questions I have no problem with proven that its his I just don't want him to hate himself for missing out we went out to eat and he was quite so I think he was thinking really hard about all of it and he seems to be better with me and all tonight.
Again thanks for your reply I think it really helped me just to talk about it.

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