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Old 03-26-2009, 03:01 PM   #1
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help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Hi,
I am looking for some serious advice, I just found out that I am pregnant. My husband and I both very much want to have this child, but we are up to dept past our ears. The beginning of this year my husband and I found out that we owe on our taxes for the first year ever of our lives, because last year was our first full year being married and we both claimed 1 not realizing what this would cost us. So here in April we will owe the IRS $1,700.
Before my husband and I went into more dept, my husband took us to Ft. Lauderdale for my birthday so we could have one last hoo rah!! before we had to buckle down and be in dept for a while. So we currently are paying off that vacation which we had planned.
Also a little more background, my husband had to have 10,000.00 in dental work in the last year in a half in which he has been paying regularly.
My husband and I have been together for over 10 yrs using the pull out method. When we got married we talked about continuing that method because we felt that if the situation came upon us it was meant to be, however of course on our lovely vacation we got another surprise, I am now 5wks pregnant and I just don't know what to do.... I just don't see with all of our dept how we will make it through this. I don't want to bring a baby in this world to a bad situation when we are struggling to provide for ourselves. Me and my husband are loving people and we will make the best of what we can. I just wonder if anyone has any advice that maybe has been down this road.
Me and both my husband do not want to put a child in day, and seems that only one partner would be working just to pay for the day care. However I don't see how it would work if I wasn't working... I have been looking on line on this mommies work from home, I am afraid but I was thinking about try a survey page while I am still not far a long to see if I can make any money from it and while I am currently still working.
I know the world is in its own peril and you make the bed you lie in. So I am just looking for some encouraging words to make me believe that this is really possible....
Thank You and sorry so long!!!

 
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Old 03-26-2009, 03:16 PM   #2
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Micheybell HB User
Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Hi luvsfroggy's ....

First ... it is possible to be a stay at home mom. I am doing it now and have financial problems as well. Just when we think we may get ahead we fall 3 steps back. Thankfully I have a great family who helps out as often as they can. In the meantime I live day to day.

There is nothing better than raising your children. I have 2 kids and am having a 3rd on June 1st. This child was a surprise to us but we are still pleased and excited. I try not to stress about the bills and expenses .... everyone goes through tough times (financially) ... hopefully this economy will improve. In the meantime, enjoy your life everyday. A child is a wonderful gift .... the whole process is truly amazing and it may be what you need to get you going on a more positive track.

Good luck with your situation and don't worry there are lots of us in the same boat.

 
Old 03-26-2009, 04:01 PM   #3
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Thank you SO much, it is very encouraging to hear the positive's!! It is so easy to think negatively and believe you just can't do it!!!
I have always wanted a family, it just seems so impossible in these times and it is great to hear you are doing it. Congratulations on your new comer and thank you again!!

 
Old 03-26-2009, 05:15 PM   #4
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

You might want to get some financial advice from a professional. I don't know too much about it, but I'm a researcher at heart, and part of being a good researcher is figuring out what kind of expert to ask. A financial planner, one who doesn't try to sell you a lot of products.

 
Old 03-26-2009, 06:13 PM   #5
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

It can be done, as long as you make wise decisions (financially) and do not live beyond your means. We've managed to raise 3 kids on one income and have even managed to slowly clean up our credit. I consider budgeting as a competition between me and corporations/stores...I don't like to lose.
If possible you may want to consider working opposite shifts, even if you only work part time.
But it can work no matter what you decide, stay positive and keep in mind, that in the end it will all work out. Enjoy your unexpected blessing.
Congratulations and good luck.

 
Old 03-26-2009, 06:52 PM   #6
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Ditto what all these ladies have said. See a financial planner and see about working opposite shifts. DH and I work 6-2 and 3-9. It's tough, but it works. We both get to stay home and we both get to work. We avoid the daycare expense.
Above all else, when you have that baby in your arms, nothing else matters. You'll see. I worried about all this when I was pregnant, but now I know as long as my son is healthy, safe and happy then that's all I care about.

 
Old 03-26-2009, 07:20 PM   #7
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

First off, anything is possible.
You need to count up how much dept you actually owe, then divide to see how much you will have to pay monthly. You also need to calculate your expenses.
For example, my husband and I have no debt but my husband doesnt really make much.
Every month I make a detailed budget counting how much we make and how much money we need. My husband only brings home about $2000 a month and our rent alone is $975. We make it, we actually do pretty well, I buy ONLY healthy foods (which makes us eat less, its expensive!) and most things are organic. We spend more on food than most people do, but I make the budget to cover that. We have internet (for hubby) and cable (for me) we also have cell phones and such. We stopped eating out (something we used to do a lot when we both worked) and we dont really buy extra stuff. My husband has an "allowance" of $50 a month to spend on video games. We could live somewhere cheaper, but we live in a city that is known to have dangerous areas, so we wanted to live somewhere nice and in a nice area. But we shopped high and low to find something that would fit our soon to be family of three (four if you count the dog) and was under $1000. When we first moved in we were figuring on make a lot more money, but even with what my husband makes now we do pretty well. I even put aside $400 last month (I was so proud of myself)! I plan to have enough money to do that every month. That money could be your debt payment. We have used cars that are paid for, and we use hand me down furniture and clothes (such as maternity). We will only buy the baby the bare necessaries, if we dont get it from showers then we dont get it. Life can be cheap, we dont go to the movies instead we invite our friends over for spagetti (which is cheap) or go to their apt complex to grill burgers and sit in the hot tub. We manage to find lots of free things to do around town, and we are trying now to grow our own veggies (not so successful)....
Anyways, it can be done. It helps me ALOT to write it all out, the debt and how much money you bring in...then do the math, you will be amazed at how much money that comes in can be stretched if you stick with it.
Another thing you should remember is that daycare is SOOO expensive, think like $800 a month, I think that if things get bad (for example my husband switches to teaching which will be even less money) I will work part time at a daycare that will pay a little but watch my baby for free...any other job wouldnt bring in enough to be worth it if you take out the cost of daycare.
One tip that I think saves us a ton is to make EVERY meal at home, even if lunch is taken to work, I make it at home...I can make something really nice and healthy for a lot less than a resturant.

Anyways, sorry so long! I love talking about money and budgets and stuff.
You can do it!
__________________
Me: 24 (25 in Jan.)
My husband: 25
Peanut: decided to go to Heaven in August
New baby: Due 08 08 09!

 
Old 03-26-2009, 07:37 PM   #8
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

where would you start looking for a financial adviser? Do they have a fee? Of course I am sure that they do..... See when my husband and I found out we had filed our taxes wrong we were then living within our means. Now that the correction has been made there just doesn't feel like there is any breathing room!!

 
Old 03-26-2009, 07:43 PM   #9
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Do you feel as though you and your mate are not as close as you were before? It really scares me to start working different shifts that I may never see my husband again and he is the most important thing in my life. I know that all changes when the baby comes, but I don't want there to become any resentment for this happening at the one time in our life that we were the least prepared. We know we made our choices but I almost began to believe on of us was infertile for getting away with the pull out method for 10yrs. However when we made the agreement when it happened it happens, it just seemed to no longer become a worry. I guess what I am saying is it worth it to you to work separate shifts and do you miss your husband?

 
Old 03-26-2009, 07:47 PM   #10
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

No I really appreciate the long reply, you have some great ideas. I can't thank you all enough I will have to sit down with my husband and make a plan. Thank you again!!

 
Old 03-27-2009, 01:53 PM   #11
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

Your husband can work another job to bring in more money. I recommend Dave Ramsey's book. No more vacations! Stay at home is the greatest thing, escpecially for your child, I am glad that in important to you. I am not in a situation like you, but my husband and I share our car since he works nearby. We only have one car payment at a time. When this car is paid off this year, we can get another vehicle. Simple things like that you can consider.

 
Old 03-27-2009, 05:19 PM   #12
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Re: help just found out Im pregnant, Is it possible to be a stay at home mommy?

luvsfroggy,
Write a letter to the IRS and let them know you want to make payments. Tell them how much you can pay per month. I had to do this a couple of time when my husband was self employed and I was a stay at home Mom. I had no trouble getting the IRS to let me make payments. They just want you to pay, they don't really care how.

Lisa

 
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