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Old 02-17-2003, 05:41 PM   #1
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Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I am in a very hard position right now. As you fellow pregnant women would know we are all extremely emotional.

My baby's father i have been with for 4 years (we aren't married) We lived together for nearly 2 years and haven't lived together for the last 8 months, it has been too difficult to get along. Now that i am pregnant he has spent every waking moment pretty much when i am not at work right by my side, especially for the last 2-3 weeks. My problem is that he doesn't understand anything that is happening to me and gets badly verbally abusive, of course i have my fair share in return, but i can not handle it anymore as he always wants things his own way, he even resorted to telling me to "do as im told" over the weekend!

Last night came the crunch, he had been lecturing me for the entire day about what he wants in life and i had no way out. He went out for a little while and kept ringing me which ended in arguing again, when he returned he started taking the few things that he had there as well as my computer saying that it is compensation for the "lies and deceit" i have caused him! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> After a long fight and a little pushing and shoving he managed to get my hard drive and took it with him <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> So at the moment i haven't got the computer at home.

What do i do - do i call the police??? and get them involved too?

He also has threatened to take my 5 month old dog as well, saying that he bought him in the first place. I told him i would give him the money for the dog (a small amount of $100) if that is what he is worried about, i have trained, fed and bathed this dog since he was 5 weeks old, i have bought all his food, paid his vet bills, registered him in my name, i'd say that he belongs to me.... I am afraid to go to work in case i go home and he has taken him.

I really can't see myself going back to him now which brings me to another worry, i will be a single working mother... how will i cope???

Sorry for the whinging but i don't know what else to do.

Kellie

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Kellie
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Baby # 1 EDD Sept 1st

 
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Old 02-17-2003, 05:48 PM   #2
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maglib HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

He doesn't sound like someone that you want around in the long run?? You are the only once who can make that decision.

If you don't want him around then you can get the police involved.

If you do want him around (don't know why you would) then talk to him and tell him if he doesn't come around then you will get the police involved (do this over a phone as he may get abusive when told).

Wish you the best. Let us know how this works out. I am so sorry for all your pain.

 
Old 02-17-2003, 05:49 PM   #3
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Alyssium HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

He has serious issues. The best advice I can give is to stay away from him. DOn't fight over anything that will only make it worse and him more upset and deranged. You don't want to raise your baby in that kind of enviroment. Good Luck and God bless.

 
Old 02-18-2003, 05:52 AM   #4
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Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I agree with the other ladies. Please stay away from him. It sounds like he is abusive and possibly moving into the physically abusive realm (you mentioned some shoving). It isn't easy being a single mom and I know...I was one for 11 years. But when I decided to leave my girls' dad it was because I realized that they were bound to repeat what they were seeing in the marriage (which was also verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive). I did not want them to think that was normal (it is NOT). So I struggled with them on my own. But I managed. My job worked with me, my friends from church helped me, and my family would have helped me if I had lived close to them at the time.

I find that when we have to, we can reach deep inside ourselves to do what we have to do for our children. You are much better off without him and as long as you can give your child love, that is the most important thing (in my mind). I wish you much luck...and please, take care of yourself... <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">

 
Old 02-18-2003, 07:09 AM   #5
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Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I would say MOST DEFINATLY get the police involved. Get a restraining order and get your computer back. Don't let him steal from you. Compensation will not hold up in court. All of this fighting and most definatly shoving can cause you to have a miscarriage. Please, don't let that happen. If you have family or friends close ask them for help. But, please don't have your baby around this guy.

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due 07/27/2002

 
Old 02-18-2003, 02:44 PM   #6
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Autumn Angel HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

Shoving?? I would have had the creep arrested right then. The dog is in your name and he cant touch it legally and I would also report the hard drive stolen. He is not good enough to be in this baby's life even though he is the father. You can do so much better and I wouldnt worry about being a working single mother at least you would be free of him and not walking on egg shells. Who is to say he wont "shove" the baby if it crys too much??? Being a survivor of physical abuse I know all the signs and I can promise you it will get worse if you dont get out now or tell him to leave. I raised 3 children on my own and its not easy but I was happy. I wasnt worried about my kids or I getting whacked if we ruffled some idiots feathers. My kids are now 21,18 and 12 and they couldnt have turned out better even in a 2 parent home. Your safety and your baby's come before anything minor. Take care and think about what everyone has said plz!

------------------
Cheers...Autumn
Female...42
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Old 02-19-2003, 09:26 AM   #7
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crazy2tryagain HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I just hate to hear about men like this. My sister was engaged to a man that was very verbally abusive. Occasionally, they even pushed each other around. My sister had to get a restraining order against him eventually.
Considering that your pg with his child, I would get the restraining order for a couple of reasons. (1) You don't need the stress at this time in your life. Being pg is emotional enough and you shouldn't worry about him coming into your home and stealing your dog. If the police are aware of this and he tries anything, he should be arrested. (2)If he is verbally abusive to you now, what's he going to be like to your child. Having a restraining order on him now may prevent him from seeing that child in the future, or at least keep the law in your favor.

You have more to think about besides you. Now, you have an unborn child that is defenseless against any of this. Protect yourselves and stay as far away from this man as you can. Let him proove that he's going to change--Actions speak louder than words.

Finally, don't assume partial responsibility for your screaming matches because you yell back at him. It's called self-defense! Don't allow yourself to feel guilty because of anything this man is telling you. He is playing a game and your just the pawn. You know, many people can't function without drama in their lives. Maybe he's one of those people.

Good Luck! Jodie

 
Old 02-19-2003, 09:37 AM   #8
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phja HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

kellie,
why don't you change the locks so he can't take your puppy?

 
Old 02-19-2003, 10:02 AM   #9
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Epiphany HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I am all for the restraining order and changing locks idea. He sounds like someone you don't need in your life ever again. And certainly not while you are pregnant or have a young child... I am sorry to hear how poorly things worked out with him for you. But don't let him cause anymore stress or problems in your life.

Good luck and stay strong!

 
Old 02-19-2003, 10:12 AM   #10
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lovelyme HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

I just want to point out that if he is willing to be petty enough to harm you while your child is inside you and threatning to take your puppy, which by the way is in your name so legaly is your dog in the court's eyes, then you do realize that your child's safety is being and will be jeaprodized? Even if it is "only" verbaly. I mean I have gone through this and learned an easier way than most. It didn't take a final shove or blow, just snapping out of it. TRUST me I know you want to stick it out and you have probably evensaid, "He really didn't push me that hard. He didn't mean what he said because it was the heat of the moment. I kinda instigated it. I said mean stuff too and hurt him. This will blow over because it always does. We have been through so much and been together four long years and we are having a baby." If you have said anything, even close to this then you are only asking for it again. You sound really smart. I would hate to think that someone as smart as you would stay. Think of what your baby would ask for in a dad if he/she could talk. Would he/she say, "Please give me a Daddy that is mean to my mommy and says bad words to her and calls her names. I want my Daddy to hurt her feelings and mine and treat us mean just because he had a bad day. I really hope my Daddy pushes my mommy around and I will get to see it. I would also like a Daddy who calls me names in front of Mommy and may even take me away from my Mommy someday when he gets too mad." This is harsh, I know, but it is the reality that will happen if continues in this fashion. This is the picture you are painting for us. Don't take this to offense just take it to heart and know this is for you to see and hopefully let sink in. Would he be harmful or irrate of you tried to leave? Many timesthey say that because it is their own fear of being alone, but they are the ones asking to be alone.

------------------
Marie
Baby's Arrival Expected August 2, 2003

 
Old 02-19-2003, 04:15 PM   #11
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kellie1978 HB User
Re: Unhappy - venting..... (long)

Hi everyone,

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied on here, you have all been so helpful.

As for changing the locks, he doesn't have keys anymore for the house anyway, but with the dog, he is old enough to be spending days outside by himself and there is easy enough access to the yard (even while locked), i only get upset about this dog because i have been the one who raised him and i talk to him as if he is a person, he's "my little buddy", whenever i am home he is by my side, whatever room i go into he goes too, i'm sure most of you have had a pet at some stage in your life that seems like the only thing in your life that you can talk to, even if they don't talk back.

I am trying to sort this out now, as hard as it is going to be on my own, i have to do it. My mum has told me that when i decide to go back to work she will be the full time baby sitter, which is wonderful of her. She has spent the last 7 years looking after two of her nieces, one is now at school and by the time my baby is born the other one will be in full time kindy so it has worked in great on her behalf (she says it keeps her active and sane <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> ). As much as i don't like the idea of leaving my baby with her all the time (i feel guilty) even though she wants it that way, i have to go back to work. My boss is being wonderful about it and told me to decide how long i want off and is letting me go back 2-3 days a week for a while until i am ready for full time again.

Everyone around me is so supportive, including all of you.

Again i thank you all for taking the time to read this and even reply.

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">


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Kellie
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Baby # 1 EDD Sept 1st

 
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