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Old 03-16-2002, 09:07 PM   #1
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Location: meridian, MS United states
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Purrbaby HB User
This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

My baby boy just got 2 teeth in three days!! His first teeth!! Needless to say he had me and his dad up all night. Which as all preg. women know is HARD!! I just get so exhausted I feel like I am not being a good mother to my son. I also feel like I am not taking care of myself or the new baby I am carrying b/c I am so attentive to my son. I have to admit he has gotten better about not wanting to be held all the time and he puts himself to sleep..so he is less demanding on my time. But he is learning to crawl and I have to chase him a lot. Now we are moving in a month and everything seems to be happening so fast. Sometimes I just want off this ride!! I have two girls who watch him at least once a week..so Iget 3 days off..2 when my hubby is home..which isn't always on the weekend..and 1 when they watch him. I am considering daycare for my son so I can do things..like clean the house or cook..I have no time or energy any more. But of course I feel like it is bad to put him in daycare. I mean, you hear about these women who stay home with 3 kids breastfeed them until they are 2 never send them to daycare or need help,have a clean house and complete meals..then she home schools them. Personally, I wonder if I'm not cut out for this stay at home mom stuff. I always have clothes or dishes to be done..cooking hardly eve happens in my house..and Iconstantly feel like I need a break. I guess having a set schedule would help. My hubby works any day of the week it all depends..he goes in at either 7 in the morning, 10 in the morning or 3-4 in the afternoon. Today he went in at 4 and will be at home at 4 in the morning. We have one car right now..to save money on the car note..but I have to drag me and my son out at 4 in the morning to go get hubby. Or I could stay here with no car. Either way when hubby gets home my son thinks it is party time. Now my son has his days and nights mixed and basically I'm going nutty. How do I switch him back?? And is daycare or a mother's helper a good idea?? As ya'll can see I have offically lost it! HELP!!

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Old 03-17-2002, 12:03 AM   #2
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babygirl55 HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I think that you should have one day to yourslef do what you gotta do. get a babysitter for that day & sleep or take a drive. then the next day you should feel a little better. i mean daycare might be a good idea. it will give some time during the day to seep in or cook, clean or do wut ya gotta do. I hope everything turns out good for you & you get the rest that you & that baby need.

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smile now cry later
Life is too short to waste time being mad, live life to its fullest.

 
Old 03-17-2002, 02:07 AM   #3
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I get 3 days a week to do stuff but I'm so tired that I sleep most of those 3 days. I just don't know if daycare is a great idea. I'm confused!! LOL!!

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 03-17-2002, 07:16 AM   #4
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Sweetie HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

Awww Purrbaby, I feel for you. Sounds like you have your hands full and you will continue to with the kids so close in age. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with daycare. Some people have no choice but to use it. When my 1st was born he had to go to daycare when I went back to work at 8 wks. He was there from 7:30 to 5:00, talk about guilt! When kids are a little older I thin it's good for them to have other kids to play with and do the fun things they do at "school". WHen my 2nd turned 2 we put him in daycare & he thrived there. Anyway, I feel that by taking the time you need now you are a better parent not a worse one. You're only human and right now the baby inside you is sucking the life out of you lol. You need to do the best you can with the circumstances you have right now. It won't always be this bad. When the baby is born you're still gonna have you hands full but you'll be better able to cope. Maybe you can get the kids on the same schedule etc. Maybe hubby's hours will change to a more normal schedule. We never know what life will bring. And as for those superwomen you were talking about who stay home and end up homeschooling etc...I have one name for you Yates. Isn't that the name of the women who snapped and drowned her kids. Was she a good mother? Don't knock yourself, you sound like a very good and caring mama from the posts I've read here. And as always, we will be here to listen. Hang in there!

 
Old 03-17-2002, 08:46 AM   #5
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Shaelle HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I am definately not cut out to be a stay at home mom! I am so glad to have the weekend come, but then get depressed because I hate staying home! I am so happy and ready to go back to work by Monday. I am already dreading the time I will need to stay home when the baby is born. Yes I will enjoy the time with the baby, but I will be miserable not having something set to do. I am one of those who think daycare is really good for children. My daughter started day care at 5 1/2 weeks old. Not full time though, I went to college, full time, but grandma would take care of her during my evening courses. My daughter always loved going to daycare, and would cry if she had to stay home at 2-4 years old. Even after she started kindergarden, she still wanted to go to daycare, or anywhere where there would be other kids to play with. She's miss social bug, and can make a friend in about 5 minutes at the playground. I never went to daycare, and I never had kids to play with that lived near by when I was little. I had a hard time making friends in school, because i was afraid to talk to anybody.

Maybe even a part time job, just doing something you like to do, even if the pay is bad, would be all that you need to get away. Just 15 hours a week, doing floral arangements or something, you're pay would counter act the cost of the daycare costs, and would be good for both you and the baby. If you always drop you son off at daycare and feel bad, or guilty for leaving him, he'll pick up on this and play on it. If you're excited to be taking him there, because it makes you feel good to do something you enjoy doing, then your son won't even see it as a problem when happy mom comes back to get him.

Good Luck!

 
Old 03-17-2002, 05:15 PM   #6
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I am starting school in the summer..just to get college algebra out of the way before the baby is born. I didn't want to have to take it while I was on my maternity leave from school. I will have to put my son in daycare and he has made such strides lately..he wants to play by himself..not be wrapped around my neck..and he will get tired and lay down anywhere and go to sleep! But I know I can't take him to school with me. I guess I feel like I am putting my burden on someone else. But I need outside stimulation with adults who can TALK! I know my hubby's schedule isn't changing ever. He is a resturaunt manager. Well, it will change when I become a teacher and he wants to stay home and really focus on real estate investing. Right now we have to have his income to put into our mutual funds and stuff. But that is 4 years from now..agg! I don't know why I am so scared of daycare..he loves to play with other kids and he takes to just about anyone. All the servers where my hubby works come over and pick him up and walk off with him and he loves it. I guess now I need to find one that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I need the rest. I guess I feel bad about sending him to daycare when I am staying at home. See hubby wants him in daycare b/c most of my hubby's off days are during the week. This gives us time together and my hubby time to rest. Plus, I am afraid if I don't do something I am going to ruin my marriage. My hubby works himself to death at work and then comes home and I want to talk to him all night(or day) to get news from the outside world. It is unfair to him but that is how I get my adult conversations. I feel like I am putting a lot of stress on him when he wants to come home a relax.

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 03-17-2002, 06:03 PM   #7
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SNILVR HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

Purrbaby,
May i suggest that you try and find a home daycare where there is only a few children and your child will get a lot more one on one care. I worked in group childcare for 10 years and loved it very much but a home daycare is more personable and you might feel more at ease about bringing your child to someone to watch and not feel guilty. I got married 2 years ago and my husband and i have been ttc for a year now with no luck. My dh is a truck driver and so i have been riding with him for the past 2 years, but now starting in june i will be staying home to take in 2-3 children and that way if we do ever get pg on our own or if we go the adoption route i will be home to watch our children as well as doing the thing that i love most! Helping to raise and nuture the most precious thing that God could have ever created! God bless you in whatever you do! Kristin

 
Old 03-18-2002, 06:07 PM   #8
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I have considered the home daycare. I guess I am a paranoid mama! I am afraid the people will abuse my son or neglect him. You hear all the time about people shaking babies and I know my son can be annoying b/c he is over-loved(aka spoiled)!! LOL!! Plus, you hear about people leaving kids in cars and they die. I just freak at the thought of my son being away. Do you think it is possible to spend sometime with my son at the daycare at first so we can both adjust??

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 03-18-2002, 08:58 PM   #9
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Molly M HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

I tend to disagree with the daycare thing I'll tell you right off. I think one or two days a week is fine, but to have a baby in daycare 5 days a week so someone can go work to make money to buy a fancy car and a fancy house and fancy clothes is very sad. Why bother having children? I don't want to get my head cut off, so I'll stop at that. Obviously I'm not talking about you Purrbaby. I don't have any help right now - my daughter is 3 1/2. I was going to put her in preshcool when she was 3 but my husband thought I should be home with her since I wasn't working. Believe me, I was not happy with that!! But we decided to put her in it when she turned 4. And that will be right when the baby is born. I know how you are feeling, although, thank god, my daughter sleeps through the night, I could barely walk today because my lower back - pelvis area is hurting so bad.
I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. And if it's only one or two days a week, go for it!! Lord knows a happy mom is a good one. Not the one who has an immaculate house. If your husband is all for it, do it! You deserve to have some time to yourself. Remember, you can always change your mind if you decide you don't want him in daycare.

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Molly H.

 
Old 03-19-2002, 07:38 AM   #10
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Sweetie HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

Purbaby, it is absolutley ok for you to spend time with your son at daycare before even registering him. That's the way I did it. If any daycrae does not welcome that and say you may drop in at anytime while your son is there don't consider that daycare. Your fears about placing yor son in someone elses care are valid so really check things out and make sure you both feel comfortable. If your gut says no, follow your insticts. I agree that if you can have your little one home with you then do it but I also feel that once a child is of an age to interact with other children daycare/preschool can be great for them. Bottom line is you should do what's right for you and your family. He doesn't have to stay there forever. You could just use it temporarily to get through this tough spot if that's your wish. Good luck!

 
Old 03-19-2002, 08:45 AM   #11
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hillarynotclinton HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

My 5 year old daughter had to spend alot of time in daycare since she was a tiny baby, because I did not marry her father. If I had made a better choice, I would have had children when I was in a situation where I could spend more time with them. I never felt good about leaving her so much, so I dished out alot of extra money so she could go to montessori as an infant and toddler, and later a private christian daycare/school. It helped leaving her somewhere that I felt good about, but I missed her like crazy regardless. The only way I could afford to do all that was with my parent's help. My husband and I still dish out a ton of money for her tuition, but I cant imagine removing her from the school now, so we get by somehow. I wish I could have stayed home more, if not all the time with my daughter. With this baby, I have alot of options. I may be able to quit work (still unsure at this time), I am allowed to bring the baby with me, I may be able to work from home, or my mother will watch the baby. Ideally, I want to quit work. Second best would be working from home. I have 2 months to figure it all out. But I am in a far better situation this time around.Its just not perfect.

 
Old 03-19-2002, 12:23 PM   #12
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Molly M HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

Montessori is where my daughter will be going. I went to pick up one of her friends there the other day and was a little discouraged by the snootiness of the other parents. Not to mention, no one asked me who I was when I picked this little girl up. I signed a sheet of paper, but I didn't even see a teacher anywhere. I am having second thoughts about Montessori now. Anyone could pick up my child then sign my name on the sheet. I haven't spoken with this little girl's mother yet about it because actually I didn't think of it until later. She called them to let them know I was coming, but still, how did they know I was the person? I am a little discouraged about this, but I think we will still go with Montessori. I like the philosophy in this school. But when my daughter is old enough for kindergarten she will be going to a public school. Anyway, just had to tell my story about Montessori.

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Molly H.

 
Old 03-19-2002, 07:48 PM   #13
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: This is so hard and I've gone nuts!!

Hubby and I have really been looking into this daycare thing and we have found one 5 min. from my house that has cameras and you can get on the internet and see your child. They were completely cool with letting me come in with my son and I really would like the extra time to start a few day classes so i won't have so much stress in the fall when I start school and have a baby. My hubby and I could really use the daycare to have time to be together. Our marriage is strained right now b/c of the stress of his job and my crankiness that we need the time to reconect and be together without our son. Thanks for all the help. The bad thing is I made the decision and then saw on Maury where the babysitter was kicking the crap out of a toddler. Ugg, maybe I need to stop watching TV!!

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Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
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