Re: Hormonal-induced/pregnancy depression??
Hillary, me too. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> Sometimes I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is cry - bawl even. It makes it really hard for my fiance to leave for work and some days he flat out refuses and stays home. Makes me feel worse because then I feel like I need to be "babysat" and that I'm a nuisance to him and that he's going to have enough of my BS and is going to leave me big and pregnant and all alone (there comes the anxiety). I have a doctor's appointment on 1/08 and I was really considering asking my fiance to skip this one so I could talk to the doc, but I know he'd be heartbroken so I think I'll just have the conversation in front of him. He lives for these appointments and I think he should know the severity of what's going on in my head anyway. As far as the anxiety, it's literally wrecking my pregnancy. I have even gotten to the point where I'm almost panicky and feel like my heart is going to explode and that I need to go to the ER. Bad bad. The anxiety seems to worsen throughout the day. And I won't even start in on the dreams. I woke my fiance up just last night to ask if a nightmare I just had was real. Awful horrific nightmares that no one should EVER have. I'm to the point that I feel like I should maybe be on some sort of anti-anxiety medication or antidepressant if it won't harm the baby. I have not been able to enjoy this pregnancy for more than a few minutes out of each day because I'm too consumed with worry and depression and anxiety. By the way, I watched those Maternity Ward shows on TLC yesterday even though I knew better (I've forbidden myself from watching TLC, Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel because I just end up crying). The shows didn't help my little problems one bit. Made me wonder if anyone EVER has a healthy baby. And then there's the thought that crosses my mind usually once a day or so that I just KNOW the baby is dead inside me...for no particular reason at all. What's wrong with us?!!!!?!!
The only thing that ever cheers me up is my fiance, but he's at work all day so I can't rely on him. Plus it's terribly unfair for him - I got preggers the same month we started dating, he proposed, I lost my job, we're getting married in 3 weeks and I'm a disaster. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif"> He has been so wonderful and has taken care of my emotional breakdowns on a daily basis, has helped in every way physically with this pregnancy and is continuously watching my health and happiness, and has provided for me 100% financially as I look for work. I don't think any human can hold up much more than that and I definitely don't want to ask any more of him, so I'd like to look into alternative options if they're out there.
Is there anything that can be done?? Is this going to last our entire pregnancy? And it makes me think that because I have this I may get a bad case of postpartum depression and I don't want that either!! Aghhhhh.
Sleepless in California,