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Old 02-01-2002, 10:13 AM   #1
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bitterglitter HB User
I finally took the test...

I took one of those EPT's (First Response) and you are supposed to get an answer up to 4 days before any other ones would give you one.

Well, it was negative. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> I'm so sad. My BF doesn't want a baby, so this was going to be my lucky chance. No dice. Too bad I love him so much.

 
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Old 02-01-2002, 11:37 AM   #2
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Molly M HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Hi Bitterglitter. I'm sorry to hear your sad news, although I must tell you I read the fine print on that same test and it said it came out positive 4 days early for 50% plus or minus. And even 3 days and 2 days early were not 100%. So you might want to try again in a few days.
I am wondering, though, why you want a baby if your boyfriend doesn't. If my husband said he didn't want a baby then I would never hope I was pregnant. Are you thinking you can get him to change his mind once the little one arrives? I guess it can happen, but if you guys aren't married, there's nothing keeping him with you other than his love, which these days doesn't seem to be enough. Of course I don't know your relationship, or your age, or anything about you, so I don't mean to sound callace, but it worries me when I hear a woman who is not married say she really wants to be pregnant, but the boyfriend does not. I hope your boyfriend changes his mind, or you change yours, so you can come to some agreement BEFORE you get pregnant. I am just curious, don't you want to be married before having a baby? I know it sounds old fashioned, but there is a lot of sense to it, legally, and in other ways. Please don't take offense to what I say. I'm not trying to be mean, but I just wanted to bring up some points before you do actually get pregnant ( if you're not already). And if you are pregnant, congrats and hopefully your boyfriend will be able to support you throughout the pregnancy. Good luck.

------------------
Molly H.

 
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Old 02-01-2002, 12:36 PM   #3
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Re: I finally took the test...

Well, I totally see your point, in a perfect world I would have fallen in love with a guy who was as happy about it as I am, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I've been dating this guy for a little over 2 years. I am dumb, I should have cancelled our next date the day we talked about our views on parenthood, unfortunately I didn't and now I am hopelessly in love with him.

He would be an AWESOME father, and anyone who knows him would have to agree with me. I know that is not my desicion to make. He had a turbulent childhood and I think he is just afraid of having that happen to his kid.

Also, he is the kind of guy who is eternally 18....even though he's almost twice that age in reality. I think he is afraid of really coming into adulthood and having responsibilities. I think that once he knew I was pregnant he would be excited, even though he says he wouldn't. Either way we talked about it and he said he would stick by me and be a father.

Again, I am not actively persuing a pregnancy, I just thought maybe I was going to have a suprise. But I guess not. I am going to take another test on Sunday or Monday and see what happens.

 
Old 02-01-2002, 04:07 PM   #4
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Lori A HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Hi Bitterglitter
sorry to hear the test was negative. you should probably take the test again in a couple of days. has your bf ever mentioned that he wants to get married and some day start a family. It is normal be a bit hesitant. maybe he will change his mind and for now just wants to live without that type of responsibility
well good luck to you
take care
Lori

 
Old 02-02-2002, 11:18 AM   #5
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Re: I finally took the test...

Hi again Bitterglitter. I just wanted to say thanks for clearing things up a bit. I was wondering if you and your boyfriend were 17 or something, but now I know you two are adults. To be honest, my daughter was a surprise and neither my husband or I felt we were ready for a child. I was 29 and he was 34. We were married, but we had a lot of problems. I know what you mean about people being afraid to start a family based on what they went through as a child. My husband had a very sad childhood, eventhough he sometimes makes it seem like it wasn't that bad. I know it was. People have to realize that they can break the cycle. These people are survivors. I hope someday your boyfriend will realize that he has control over his life, and having a family doesn't make you old any faster than anything else. In some ways it makes you younger. You take on a lot more responsibility of course, but the rewards are wonderful! I always think of those people who decide not to have a family because they are afraid to grow up and how lonely they might be in their old age with no children to love. Anyway, some people take a lot longer to grow up. And this "Peter Pan Syndrome" is very common these days. You are not alone at all.
Good luck to you and your bf. I hope somehow you will be able to have things work out.

------------------
Molly H.

 
Old 02-04-2002, 01:52 AM   #6
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AngeliqueM HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Bitterglitter,

Try a different brand, such as first responce it's highly recommended by doctors. I took EPT many times and every time it came out negitive. I'm about 10-12 weeks along, and had the doctor give me an ept at the doctors office to make sure I wasn't doing it wrong and it still came up negitive, when hers came out +. Try a few different brands, because hpt dectect different levels of hgc in your system.
Good luck and let us know

-------------
Angie
EDD #1 july-Aug

 
Old 02-04-2002, 02:25 AM   #7
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Hey girl don't get too down. I took one pregnancy test a week ago and it came back negitive...then I took one last night and it came back positive. The best thing to do is pay $35 and have a blood test done if you really think you might be. Those test are never 100%. One friend of mine actually buys three and takes all of them over a one week period to be sure they are correct.

------------------
Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-04-2002, 11:00 AM   #8
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bitterglitter HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

I took two different brands...I'll take the last one tomorrow morning. I think I'll just have to go to the doctor. If I am not pregnant there is still something wrong as my breasts have hurt for quite a while now. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif">

I am REALLY depressed right now. I guess that thinking I was pregnant really got me thinking and now I have to make the biggest decision of my entire life: The Man I love, or Motherhood.
I spent the entire weekend crying....my eyes are sore and puffy. I look rediculous.
I love my boyfriend more than anyone or anything else in this world, but I know that there is a baby up there just waiting for me to find her father. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif">

I am sure that we aren't the first couple to be in this predicament, but what did they do to fix it?

 
Old 02-06-2002, 08:49 PM   #9
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Re: I finally took the test...

Bitterglitter,

Don't be sad, it's ok we are all hear for you!

As far as you and your BF, everyone is different, as far as the guys, and you are the only one that can be sure of what to do. You know him, you said he'd be a great father, maybe he's not ready right now, but will be soon? Talk to him, and find out what he wants. As far as the different childhoods and parenthood views, I know exactley what you mean. The Dh and I had two different childhoods, i was sheltered, and protected from the world, as he learned to fen for himself an learn survial. I had both my parents for most of my childhood, he didn't. For a while I was very worried on how we would raise our child, but it's a joint effort, and a compromise. It will be harder with two totally different views, but the child can get the best of both worlds sometimes. Everything will change after a child is born, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
As far as him leaving you because he is free to do whatever because your not married to him, well he could leave you if you were married. My x fiance, thank G*d he is my X lol, is married with two gf, one of his gf is married also. He just had his daughter about 2 weeks ago. His wife doesn't know a thing about it, because they were having problems and they split for a while. I knew he was gonna be a great dad someday, but look what he's done already..Free will gotta hate it sometimes. I'm not saying all men will are like this, at least I hope not. I'm very thankful for all the great men out there for all the great women and children, and your's sounds pretty great anyway.

On a better note, my best friend just had a baby about a year ago, wasn't married, and they are doing great with thier baby and thier life, I dont know if marriage is even an option.

All I can really say, is talk to him, because communication is a major key in a relationship. If you want a family someday, you should have it. If he never wants children or a family someday, that could be a problem. I didn't want kids for the longest time, an now I can't wait to start a family, well, I got one on the way, so I guess that's a start, lol. My h didn't want kids, and then he did, then he wanted to wait and then wasn't sure,and then he wanted to more then anything- and I thought I was fickle! LOL. I'm not gonna tell a white lie and say we are not both scared off our butts, but things will work out in the end, we have faith and destiny on our side.

Do what makes you happy! Many women have to consider that when they have a child, the father may not be there for whatever reason.

Good luck and Do what MAKES YOU HAPPY!!
ANgie
<p>[This message has been edited by AngeliqueM (edited 02-06-2002).]

 
Old 02-07-2002, 08:54 AM   #10
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sensual_luv HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Hi Bitterglitter,
Just thought I'd say that when I was preg.I took 2 home test both said neg.that was over the weekend.That Tues. I went to our local Health Dept. they said neg.I wasn't preg.and continue my pill(yes I was on birthcontrol)the very next day Wed.I went to the Dr. and I was definitly pregnant.So there could be hope there for ya.But on the other hand if your boyfriend doesn't want a baby or be a father why would you force him into it?Are you afraid he's going somewhere?Enjoy your time alone maybe thats what he's doing w/ you and doesn't want to share you.Once a baby is here theres no giving them back to go out for a night alone.

 
Old 02-07-2002, 05:00 PM   #11
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bitterglitter HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Sensual_Luv, I DON'T want to force him into it. That's the whole problem.

I am not trying to get pregnant. I just thought it was possible that he had accidentally gotten me pregnant.
He and I discussed it, and he says that if I was pregnant, he would marry me and be a father, but he doesn't want to try ot have a baby. He is 32, and I don't think he will be changing his mind anytime soon.

People keep saying "Why would you want to get pregnant if your BF doesn't". I would think that a group of maternal aged women would be the last to ask this question. Logically I do not want to have a baby right now either. But in my heart I feel like I should. And I should definately keep that option open. My heart (and HORMONES) are stronger than my logic. No offense, but ANY woman should know what I am talking about. (AGAIN, I AM NOT TRYING TO GET PREGNANT). Anyway....I feel like I am facing the most difficult descision I will ever have to make.......it doesn't make me feel very nice when people chastize me for being in this situation (not married, BF doesn't want it, etc).

Thanks for your post AngeliqueM. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
The one problem is that what makes me happy also makes me very sad. I want a baby-that would make me happy. But I also want my BF-he makes me happy. It's the choosing between them that makes me unhappy.

 
Old 02-07-2002, 05:36 PM   #12
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Matilda33 HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

I just wanted to say that it sounds like you are going through a very emotional time right now, and I'm sorry for that. I don't agree with you on the fact that just because we are maternal aged women that we should understand. I remember several times when I thought I was pregnant and was totally relieved to find out I wasn't because it just wasn't the right time for me or my hubby. I was not sad at all. It's true that hormones are strong, but just because we are "maternal aged women" it doesn't mean that we should all understand this sadness. I think I would be devastated if I accidentally got pregnant and my BF didn't want the baby. I would be thankful that I wasn't pregnant. Maybe you'll have a "lucky chance" again, only this time hopefully you and your bf or husband will want a baby too.

 
Old 02-07-2002, 07:00 PM   #13
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Purrbaby HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

I'm sorry but I have to agree with Matilda. Just b/c I am having my second child..which wasn't planned doesn't mean I understand. I'm only 20!! I had my son at 19!! BUT, my hubby wants both of these children as much as I do. If we didn't we would have been more careful. Now that we have our two..once this one is safely born..my hubby is getting a little snip job. The baby needs a stable happy enviroment. And your BF can be your husband and whatever but he doesn't have to like it..and the baby will sense it if your BF doesn't like it. Plus, getting married for a baby isn't always a good reason..unless you were planning to get married and just had to do it a little quicker than you planned. I really think if you aren't preg. be thankful. Talk to your BF and find out if you have common values and goals..if not..decide if you are willing to change your goals and dreams for him. You can't "change" someone unless they want to. Having a baby should be a mutual agreement..or else you should take steps to prevent it. You don't want your BF to leave b/c he feels you "trapped" him with the baby. I have seen that happen 100's of times b/c the man wasn't ready and the woman listened to her hormones.

------------------
Smile, life doesn't last that long.

 
Old 02-07-2002, 09:23 PM   #14
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sensual_luv HB User
Re: I finally took the test...

Sorry Bitterglitter....but you did post that this was "YOUR lucky chance"that your boyfriend didn't want a baby..i think anyone from 15-85 would have taken it the same way...Again sorry.

 
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