A little off the subject here but. a while back I posted wondering something good to do for dh for vday.
well it was horrible. I planned nothing really big. when I left in the morning to go to work he was still in bed. I left him a nice card and a nice shirt he was wanting all for when he woke up. after work I was getting a baby sitter and we were going to drive an hour to this nace resturant and spend time together.
a week or so before he asked what I wanted I said I would like bracelet. nothing expensive though. well I got big NOTHING when I got home not even a card or a happy Vday. we have been married almost a year.
right now being Pg makes me very emotional anyway but this hurt me feelings so bad.
Its not about the gift but he could of at least gotten me a card right???
he said well lets go out tonight and I will get you something.
oh yeah like I am going to want to go and pick out my own card.Thats cheap and insensitive. anyway I was just wondering if it would hurt your feelings also or am I just being stupid. If wed been married a long time it might not be as bad but only 10 months.I was so upset all night he just ruined it for me.
I just came home and went to bed.
All day at work everyone was taling about what they did and got from all of their Dh must be nice.
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EDD-AUGUST 15
WISHIN FOR A BABY GIRL
I speaking in general terms here but men just don't get into these holidays like women do.. it would be nice if they put as much thought into things the way we do but they just dont seem to get it. (Sorry for the sterotype) My hubby treats me well year round so when he doesn't seem to pay as much attention to the holidays as I'd like him to I try and remember that.
I do know how you're feeling though. My advice is to let him know it hurt your feelings.. chances are he'll make it up to you. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
The same thing happened to me about 2 years ago. Finally at the end of the day, I just asked him he he was planning on getting me anything, and he said well I took you out to eat. Well after he realized how upset I was he pretended to go out to get some movie or something, and came back with roses and a bear. ALl I wanted was atleast a card. But that was good. He hasn't forgotten since.
you shouldn't expect being forgotten at any stage of marriage. i've been married 20 years and i still get roses and a card on valentines day.how old are you and your hubby? you have anyother child?was this baby planned? is your husband always that inconsiderate?is he a good husband otherwise?
I am 27 dh is 32. he is a great husband in every other way.and this is our third child.second together.
I dont know what his prob. is
I do know he feels bad about it though but I still feel distant from him now like he doesnt care or apreciate me enough to think of me on valentines day. I dont know maybe I am going to far with it. we arent rewally arguing just not really talking.I feel hurt. but I guess i will get over it.
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EDD-AUGUST 15
WISHIN FOR A BABY GIRL
I think most men are the same way. When me and my dh were dating, he never forgot and would always send me beautiful roses to work and take me to a fancy restaurant and give me a peice of jewelry or something. Now for almost all holidays, my dh buys something as last minute as possible and most likely I return it.
Just 3 days before VD I told my dh not to get roses (they never last on VD and I love tropical flowers better) nor candy and that we would go out for dinner on a different night (we couldn't get a babysitter and it was a weeknight and I hate the service on VD). He asked what to get me and I said think of something special to surprise me like when we were dating... Lo and behold he comes home and goes to Shoprite and picks up a cheap almost dying dozen of roses and the typical box of heart chocolates. He doesn't understand that all I want is him to think about a gift for me and to surprise me. Well I am used to it and have told him so many times that I just deal with it now. At least he is normally a good dh!
Based on my experiences I would tell you not to expect anything more from your spouse and somehow deal with it. No matter how many times I have told my dh that I am disappointed things don't change. I would love change but, keeping the status quo is better than any more arguing.<p>[This message has been edited by maglib (edited 02-15-2003).]
My dh is notorious for the I ran out of time, but I MEANT to get you something. I too was stiffed on VD! And now that we have Hannah I even got him a gift from her, a little handprint to put on his desk at work, and a card from her as well. I got 1 card from both of them and thats it. The worst thing is is that he has to drive by a Target, a Kmart, and a Shopko on his way home and I even told him specifically what I wanted. Less than $20.00. I guess my feelings are hurt because he used to be very thoughtful, and surprise even if there wasn't an occasion. He tried pulling the i forgot thing last year and I told him that was bull because unlike easter and Thanksgiving VD is the same day EVERY YEAR!
I don't want to seem insensitive or anything because we all want to feel loved and remembered on special occasions, but to get depressed and upset because of this, I think, is not right. These holidays are so commercialized it is not even funny.
I am sure that there are other ways that your DH's tell you that they love you, and those are the times that sould really count. The "out of the blue" surprises or "Big Hugs" for no reason are, in my opinion way better than jewlery or candy and flowers.
I know that it is nice to get at least a card on Vday, but I also think it is important to understand who benifits more from this "special day"....it is the retail business.
So all of you who didn't "get what you wanted" and feel crummy and are making your DH's feel crummy, please remeber the days he says he loves you with all his heart and remeber all the "little things" he does, give him a big hug and let go of this grudge you got from cupid!!
Love and be Loved.
I'm with the last post. My husband and I decide not to do anything for valentines day because we don't need February 14th to roll around just to show each other how much we love each other and appreciate each other. Every day is valentines day for us. If it's....June 12th and we want to give the other person a gift, we will. I just don't know why Valentines Day is worked up to be such a special day! But that's just my opinion!!!!!
This was a long hard battle for my husband too. He is a wonderful father and husband in every other way, but just not romantic AT ALL. We have been together for 12 years married for almost 7 and I think he is finally getting the idea. I love hollidays and surprises. He just don't see the point. I know how you feel and I would be hurt to, him not getting you anything on your first valentines together married. Especially after he asked you what you wanted. I hate that to. My husband always askes me what I want. I always tell him to just get me something that he thinks I will like. I hate to have to pick out all of my gifts. Just let him know how you feel, and I'm sure he will remember the next time. Don't feel like he doesn't love you or care about you, I'm sure he does, and I'm sure he would give his life for you if he was ever given the choice. But men just don't get the holliday stuff. Not like we do anyway.
I say commercialized or not she made it clear how she felt about the stinkin day and how she would like to be gifted and a card or even a piece of toilet paper with sweet nothings written on it would have appeased her. I say when the other knows of your feelings and does nothing to abide then it is wrong and hurtful. If both spouses/partners agree on it being a come what may holiday then so be it, but in her case it was made clear that she loved him enough and thought of him hense the card and shirt. He returned the favor by being lazy. I would have been hurt too. I believe that on little holidays that a card or even a piece of binder paper with a love note or something nice is a must. Screw flowers, gifts, candy and stuffed animals. Words last and linger so why not shed a few onto something. I get you Eeyore I rally do. On the contrary I would not make it into a fight or anything huge, but I would voive my feelings calmly. Fact is, guys are just DUH most of the time.
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Marie
Baby's Arrival Expected August 2, 2003
I had a long talk with dh about how he hurt my feelings and tried to explain to him that girls are very different than guys and we need other things. I think he understood and we are ok now. thank goodness. And I feel so much better.
Thanks again. All your opinions mean alot to me.
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EDD-AUGUST 15
WISHIN FOR A BABY GIRL
