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Old 02-10-2003, 07:19 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Fredericksburg Va, USA
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Lizzycat HB User
I need help!!!

I'm in a bad situation. I'm 7 months pregnant. I havent told my mom yet, because shes working two jobs just to finally focus on herself after 18 years of putting me before her. I havent been to the doctor yet because I have no money, due to unreliable transportation to a job. My main problem though reguards the father, whom is significantly older than me. When we first found out that I was pregnant, he wanted me to give the child up for adoption. Neither of us wanted to, esp. him because it is his first child, but he lives with his sister and her 3 children, and I live with my mom still. Then, he wanted to get an abortion, because we began to think about my mothers feelings. We must have made more than 10 appointments at separate clinics, and were not able to make any of them but the last, and we fell $100 short. Afterwards, he promised that he was going to take care of me and that we were going to tell my mom together. I seen him on thanksgiving, and he then said that he couldn't be associated witht he child. He wanted me to tell my mom that I didn't know who that father was. Later that night, he told me that we had to stop and said that he thought about me everyday and that it was killing him too. he couldn't say that looking at me, I then explained to him why I could never tell my mother that I didn't know whom the father was. He said nothing. I felt rejected and didn't call or visit for over a month. I then called and he was going to go over a friends house for the evening, so he couldn't come over and talk to me since he already had plans. I then tried to contact him, his sister gave him my number and he hasn't called back in a week. I'm guessing its because he doesnt have really any phone privacy where he is living. I don't know if I should call anymore or not. The stress is starting to affect me physically and mentally. I think of suicide alot just so I don't have to be a burden to him or my mom, but my mom is the only reason I dont do it. I really don't want my mom to know, but she will eventually. I dont want her to be burdened anymore with me than she already is. I want to know what the father is feeling and thinking, but I dont want to be rejected. As for the child, I know I will have to give it up for adoption. It's not the childs fault, but sometimes I just get angry at it because I dont want to form any kind of bond, but its difficult not to. I just want some advice from anybody. Sorry this is so long.

 
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Old 02-10-2003, 09:01 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 121
harvest46 HB User
Re: I need help!!!

I am very surprised that your mom does not know that you are pregnant and you are already 7 month ! Aren't you already showing ?

 
Old 02-10-2003, 09:21 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: kansas city kansas
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smile4u HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Oh honey, I hear how much you're hurting! Please try to find the courage to call someone who will listen to you and help you find a solution. Hopefully there is a social service in your area that can help you without judging. I know it seems like an impossible situation but please talk to someone as soon as possible. Look in your local phone book and there will be someone in social services that can direct you to someone to talk to probably free that can lift some of these pressures off of your shoulders! You're not alone even though it seems like it right now. God bless you.

 
Old 02-11-2003, 05:14 AM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Barcelona, Spain
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nela HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. I know you must feel very alone, but I agree with the previous poster about going to a social services person or centre to get help.

Also, I would just ignore the father of your baby at this point. He is not important, and has shown a total disinterest in your predicament. Try not to make excuses for his behaviour. I may sound harsh here, and I don't mean to , at least not with you. But I certainly feel this man is not going to be any good at helping you out here.

Please get to some kind of help centre and calmly decide what you want to do with your baby. Know that if you decide to give this child up, it will surely go to a couple who will love it very much. It's not an easy decision to make. If you do decide to keep it, you will need a lot of help, either from the state or from your family. I really think you will have to tell your mom sooner rather than later.

Above all, I would highly recommend you get some healthcare as soon as possible, as that baby needs medical attention, and so do you. Take a deep breath and pick up the phone, sweetie. Make the call to the social services and get the ball rolling ! I wish you the best of luck. I am sure you are braver than you think!

All the best, Nela.

 
Old 02-11-2003, 05:33 AM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: palos heights, il, usa
Posts: 1,204
autumnleaves HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Thank you Nela and Smile4U! I couldn't say it better myself...there are so many things to consider here, but first and foremost, this is too big a burden for you to handle alone! I agree that you should just stay away from the baby's father. If you really want this baby, you need to talk to your mom. You may be able to come up with a plan, together, on how to best proceed. If it is too much financially, there are so many people who want babies but cannot have them...I understand what you are saying about the emotional attachment. Search your heart, talk to your mom, get some outside support (start with the phone book). You may even be able to contact one of your local churches and they can refer you to an agency that will help you for free. I wish you all the luck in the world...and please...do see a doctor. Prenatal care is very important to both you and the baby. God bless <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif"> <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif">

 
Old 02-11-2003, 05:42 AM   #6
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Hamlin, WV, USA
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Momofa4yrold HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Please tell your Mom. She may surprise you. Maybe she don't think you are a burden to her and she might welcome a grandbaby.

This very thing happened to my cousin. She was 17 (I don't know how old you are) and she was pregnant. She hid it with baggy clothes and even went as far as rolling up pads once a month and putting them into the trash can. She couldn't hide it anymore at about 7 months and tried to run away. The father disowned her and the child. She got scared and lost and finally called her mom. Her mom didn't take the news all that well, and tried to get her to give it up for adoption. She thought about it and then decided that was something she couldn't do and decided to keep it. When that little baby was born her mom melted. She begged my cousin for forgivness and begged her to stay home. Now that baby is 7 years old. They lived with my aunt for 3 years while my cousin got an education. My aunt is crazy about that boy. She takes him everywhere and spoiles him rotten.

Maybe it can work out for you too.<p>[This message has been edited by Momofa4yrold (edited 02-11-2003).]

 
Old 02-11-2003, 05:53 AM   #7
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: united kingdom
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clarelouise HB User
Re: I need help!!!

I really feel for you in this situation.I would also suggest the same as our other ladies on this board.
You really need to seek medical care,it is so important.You have got to tell your mother.I think she would feel hurt if she knew you couldn't confide in her.
Mothers are there to help you in times of need and I think your mum could give you all the support you need right now.
As for the babies father I would say forget about him for the moment and concentrate on how you are feeling.
You and your baby are the most important thing.
Please Please don't do anything silly like taking your life.Imagine how your mum would feel.
I also feel that you should seek some counselling of some sort and just get someones help.Talking about things can take a huge amount of pressure off.
I really wish you could keep the baby but it is your decision.You know that if you do decide to give your baby up for adoption,it will go to a couple who will give it a wonderful life and give all the love your baby needs.
I wish I lived near you as I would love to help you out.My heart really goes out to you.
All the best in whatever you decide.Remember think about you and your baby not the father.
Please do tell your mum.
all the best.
clarelouise.

------------------

 
Old 02-11-2003, 06:45 AM   #8
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 304
late bloomer HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Hi Lizzy:
I read your post last night and was at a loss for words. Woke up and you were on my mind. Here goes:
When I was in my 20's I read a book called "Woman Who Love too Much" It changed my life. Had a lot to learn about how I put "him" first. There's something about a man that loves a gal that is taking care of themselves, he just may surprise you! Try to put your focus on a healthy baby, that is first and foremost. You must walk into a Drs office asap, I'm sure that will set your mind to ease.

Secondly. You describe your Mom as someone who is hard working and caring - at least that's my perspective. She just may surprise you! She could be the rock you so need right now <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

You also mentioned thoughts of suicide. I don't know too many people that have not had thoughts of wanting to give up. Well, on my quest of healing my need for "him" to take care of me, I saw a psychiatrist, because my suicide thoughts were serious. He told me, he sees soooo many mothers that survive a child's suicide. Told me to think about those we leave behind. I tell you its been YEARS since I had thoughts like that again. You are loved, may be not by someone you so yearn to love you, but you are loved. Why not reach out make a few phone calls today!
Look in your yellow pages, a number will reach out and grab you! Let us know how you're doing.
<p>[This message has been edited by late bloomer (edited 02-11-2003).]

 
Old 02-11-2003, 07:01 AM   #9
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: NJ
Posts: 266
Starbuk498 HB User
Re: I need help!!!

Sweetie,

YOu really need your mother right now........please tell her. She just may suprise you......and take it very well. I know that it is probably going to be the hardest thing you can ever do......you need to do it for yourself and the baby.

I think once the initial shock wears off, and she has time to accept it, she will be the rock that you need to lean on right now. Honey, THATS what Mom's do. The are there for us.

Tell her sweetie........you really need her now more than ever.

God bless,

------------------
~Stefanie
~EDD 7/15/03~

 
Old 02-11-2003, 07:26 AM   #10
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 517
Lady^ HB User
Re: I need help!!!

OK, your Mom is going to find out eventually so you need to just go ahead and tell her now. And you have to go see a doc....you and the baby need prenatal care and you could be harming the baby. This is very important for the health of the child, and whether you keep the baby or not I would think that you would still want it to be healthy.


The babies father sounds like a loser. Forget about him for now. When the baby is born take him to court for child support and leave it at that.

 
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