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Old 04-15-2003, 05:58 PM   #1
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Cool Telling mom...

Wooo...telling mom. I'm only 19 years old, and I haven't yet told my mother that I'm pregnant. Since most of you have surely had to go through the experience of informing your mom she's gonna be a grandma, please give me some ideas on how to tell her!! Bear in mind that this is not the happiest situation, and that she'll probably want to get angry at me...lol man I am screwed! Well, she will just have to love my baby whether she hates me or not!
=)

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-"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel

EDD-12/22/03
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"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel
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Old 04-15-2003, 06:10 PM   #2
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Since you said that it wasn't a very good situation, I would just take her out to lunch or something like that (ie. dinner, movie etc...) and would mention it then. I also wouldn't advise beating around the bush or putting it off. The sooner you tell her the more time she has to get adjusted to it. GOOD LUCK!!
(This is just my opinion on how I would do things but you have to do what you feel comfortable doing)

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Old 04-16-2003, 04:51 AM   #3
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I would tell her ASAP as well. I'm assuming a lot here, but give her time to get over the initial shock, and I'm sure she'll be there to support you. I'll be thinking of you.

Okay, I've got to ask...what does your closing statement mean?? -"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel. I've been trying to figure it out for a couple of days .
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Old 04-16-2003, 06:02 AM   #4
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Now, Kippy, don't you watch Friends? That is Rachel saying that Phoebe has a boyfriend, and that is great, but she doesn't need a boyfriend because she has a baby and a "Ross", meaning she doesn't really know how to qualify Ross.

Karcia.
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Old 04-16-2003, 06:33 AM   #5
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Thanks for clearing that up Karcia. I was wondering the same thing.

Yes, I would tell her now. Just say Mom I'm pregnant. When she is done screaming and yelling, then sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her you really need her help with this and you hope she can be there to give you advise (like she will do anyway) but you really want to do this.

Please let us know how it goes.

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Old 04-16-2003, 07:22 AM   #6
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well...i had to go through the same thing at christmas...i'm a little older, and i think that kinda helped cushion the blow, but the strange thing was, my mom already knew. so my advice, be an adult talking to an adult, and be up front. if you hint or are wishy washy it only makes it worse. good luck to you!!

-JAMIE
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Old 04-16-2003, 08:37 AM   #7
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I am 19 also, and i told my mom when i was about 6 weeks along. I go to a psyciatrist every week, and i told her and she gave me a deadline on when i have to tell my mom by (it was like 2 weeks). I waited until the very last day. and my psyciatrist called my mom and said that I have something to tell her. so my mom took me out to lunch so we could 'talk' (she didn't know what it was).. and i told her. I just said.. "mom there is no easy way to say this.. but i am pregnant" It was good for me and for her to do it in public becuase it is easier to keep your composure and not start crying (i really thought i was going to cry when i told her.. but i didn't)

her reaction realy surprised me.. she was so comforting and my mom knew that getting mad at me would not help the situation at all.. so she didn't express anger. overall it was good to tell her at 6 weeks rather than try to hide it as long as possible and have her find out from someone else, or by the bulge in my belly. (I'm already bulging quite a bit! i'm 4 months now)

that is awesome that you have so much optimism already! I think things will go well for you because of it!!

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Old 04-16-2003, 08:54 AM   #8
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Karcia, Thanks for clearing that up . I did used to watch Friends a few years ago, but haven't done so in at least 2 years.

[This message has been edited by kippy6 (edited 04-16-2003).]
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Old 04-16-2003, 09:14 AM   #9
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Yes...I'm glad someone else knows the quote! Hehehe. I really like that one.

Anyway, my boyfriend (22) told HIS mom last night, and he said she actually took it well. He said she kind of already knew, too. But my mom is really opinionated and thinks she is always right (to the proportions of a mental disorder...she's really awful) So that's why I'm kinda afraid to tell her. Maybe doing it after Easter dinner will soften the blow? Hmmm...well, I'll let you guyz know how it goes. Thanks for bein there for me! =)

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-"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel

EDD-12/22/03
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EDD 12/22/03

 
Old 04-16-2003, 10:40 AM   #10
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Good Luck telling your mom hun! From experience, I agree with everyone else recommending you tell your mom sooner than later. I'm 22 and my parents do not approve of my boyfriend, and would prefer if I didn't have my baby, which made a really difficult situation for me. I know she would have appreciated if I came to her earlier and told her, which I can respect.
Keep us posted & good luck

 
Old 04-16-2003, 01:49 PM   #11
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Ok, I am in this boat with you. Sorry if this is extremely long.
I'm 20. My parents are extremists and have an authoritarian way of parenting.. And have always told me, if you get pregnant, that's it. They will take from me everything they have ever given me. Which is bad considering they pay for my college education, my car, and basically support me. But hey i'll have to get a job and go to work I guess, thats not even the most of my concerns. What bothers me most is disappointing them. Because this is the kind of thing that will absolutely disgust them and make them not even want to associate with me..at least for a good while and then hopefully they'll adjust to it as most parents do.
Well my point here is, to tell your mom sooner that later.
Because I found out at 5 weeks.. and I am all the way at 12 wks now, and still havent told them because I am petrified of what they will do to me. Now if I had told them as soon as I found out.. then now, almost two months later, they would probably be getting past that angry phase and moving into the accepting phase. But instead I am still sitting here in fear and havent even gotten the news out yet when this whole ordeal could be settled by now.. so dont do what I am doing lol I am a coward. Tell her.
Also, the idea of telling her in public was quite a good one. Thanks for that advice whoever said that. I am now actually considering that one for myself. It would make it a lot easier and they cant freak out in public and will have time to breathe and think.
My main plan though, is to sit down and say, mom I'm pregnant, but before you freak out, you listen to what i have to say. Then I will tell her all my plans, how I plan to manage school, fiance, money, and baby, and reassure her that it can all be done. This doesn't leave her much to yell about since the lecture probably would have been Do you have any idea what you've done???? How are you gonna handle all this?? And this will probably not be convincing enough. So i will also say, it is ok to be angry at me. But think hard before you say anything you will ultimately regret. Don't ruin your relationship with your granchild before it even starts. Also point out that she can get angry and make us all miserable, then in the long run regret it all because she knows eventually she will accept it, or just try to accept it now and realize its not the end of the world. And we can all be excited together and get ready for this.
That's basically the best I've got. Now I must get the courage to go and say it.
Good luck to you. Hope I was of some help. I didnt start this thread but all these replies have actually helped me out too.

 
Old 04-16-2003, 02:14 PM   #12
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I agree with everyone else. I've never been through this, but my darling best friend just told her parents she was pregnant. She came from a strong Christian family and has always been a moral "rock" so to speak. Everyone, family, friends, church, has always had the absolute highest of expectations for this girl. She's one of those people who is SO together and seemingly perfect, I'd be jealous of her. She's also in Physical Therapy school and the baby's father is a church youth minister. Needless to say, it was a rough situation. She just told them as soon as she found out. Her mom doesn't initially react to anything very well, and screamed, yelled, and accused her of all manner of horrible immorality. However, before the day was over, her mom had plans to take her maternity clothes shopping and was trying to help her decide how to take care of the baby while finishing PT school. So, hopefully, your mom will get over any initial dissapointment and anger and will be supportive. Most moms are a lot better than we give them credit for!

[This message has been edited by siren24 (edited 04-16-2003).]

 
Old 04-16-2003, 07:47 PM   #13
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I see you are due around Christmas. Why not use that to your advantage? You could find a Christmas card and write her a short note saying this Christmas you will get the best gift I could give you, I'm making you a GRANDMA!! Hope this idea will help, but give her the card in person so she won't freak out. I'm sure if you tell her in person she won't be able to get that upset, and time will help her see your side. Let us know how it goes!
GOOD LUCK

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Old 04-16-2003, 08:43 PM   #14
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You know, one of my best friends has a sister who got pregnant when she was right out of high school. She wasn't living with her parents, but she is close to her mom. But she didn't tell her mom she was pregnant. She is overweight so much that they never knew she was pregnant, until right around the time the baby came (give or take a couple of months...I don't remember). The point is that I think this girl didn't tell her mom b/c she was scared to. Then as time went by, I'm assuming it got harder and harder to tell her. Can you imagine how much worse it was on the mom by finding out at the end of the pregnancy that her daughter was pregnant?

My best friend told me that they were all shocked, but the bigger shock seems to be that her sister waited so long to tell anyone. This has left her mom (and sister) very hurt...and it has been several years now... They are supportive of this situation and they all get together, but sometimes the subject comes up, and she still says she can't believe her sister waited so long to tell them.

Try to tell your mom as soon as possible. I'm sure in the long run she'd like to be there to support you. You just might need an extra loving ear...you'll have questions about your growing baby while PG, and your mom will be able to help answer these questions.
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Old 04-16-2003, 09:33 PM   #15
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I DID IT!!!!!

She called me up tonight and I decided to tell her about my positive HPT. She wasn't mad at all. (She wouldn't have room to talk..she had her first kid when she was 18, lol.) But she was a little worried about whether or not me and my boyfriend were going to be happy living together-- which, I think will go just fine, since we were going to live together soon, anyway --and she was a little worried that my grandfather would be dissapointed, since I am the only other family member besides him with a potential for success. I just don't want people to be dissapointed in me, because I'm not dissapointed in myself! Me and my boyfriend are actually starting to get really happy and optimistic about all this stuff.

But, me and mom talked for a long, long time. She actually got me worried about miscarriage. I had never known this, but she had one right before she got pregnant with me. Now I'm worried!

Well, the moral of this story is, telling your mom you are pregnant IS best early, and she will be there for you, no matter what you think! Share your news!!
=)

------------------
-"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel

EDD-12/22/03
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"You have a boyfriend, and I have...a baby and a Ross!"--Rachel
EDD 12/22/03

 
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