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Old 04-18-2003, 07:05 AM   #1
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Post Strength

I have never thought of myself as a strong person. In fact I find myself to of been weak and not even able to handle the smallest of things. I have always thought of my hubby being strong and him keeping me where I needed to be. I found a renewed strength in myself yesterday though. I feel so close to Juan right now...I had only seen him cry once threw all of this...in the 5 1/2 years we have been married I had only seen him cry 3 times and they were all time that someone had hurt me. Yesterday though when I was having the MRI done (which I hate because I'm clostophobic and such) and he was holding my hand tight...I looked up just in time to see tears rolling down his cheeks. I think he had not cried to try and keep me strong...but in fact his tears made me feel stronger because I knew I needed to do it for him also. After all of our test were over with yesterday (which they did alot since this is such a rare form) they left us in the room together. He just held me and said that the baby would truly always be with us. I love my husband and I'm so thankful that I have him. Not many people know this, but his parents had been trying to break us up....even went as far as offering him money to leave me. I know that he would never do this though. He did call his parents to tell them what had happened and I think they feel bad for everything they said about me and the baby. Juan said that he would pick me over his family anyday and He said we can try again to start our own family after we wait the 4 months for sure....and all of our kids will know of this angel that went before them. God can do remarkable things....he gave me the strength to go on and my husband the strength to cry. This is just something that I wanted to share with everyone that is going through something hard...anything in your life not even the loss of a child. God can give you the strength to go on if you ask.....
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Old 04-18-2003, 07:13 AM   #2
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Carmen, your words are so touching. I don't think any of us know how strong we are until we have to be. I wish my words could ease your pain, I know they don't so I pray that they help. How wonderful that you have Juan. You and your family will be in my prayers for a long time to come.

Larissa

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edd of baby #2 9/21/03 (my son Evan's Birthday!)
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Old 04-18-2003, 07:27 AM   #3
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Carmen - I cannot imagine what this must be life for you. I don't really know what to say except that I am so sorry you have to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH.

Phillie
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Old 04-18-2003, 09:11 AM   #4
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I'm still not ready to face people in public yet. I'm going to be taking atleast one more week off work, maybe more. I'm not happy to go back because I have a coworker that is pregnant with twins and had said from the start that she didn't want 2 just one. Also my director (I teach preschool) has told all the kids. I didn't want them to know anything about this...I hadn't even told them I was pregnant so I wouldn't of had to worry about anything until she did what she did. My sister who also works there has said that she (director) has been saying things about me, and the baby like she knows what is going on. The director also had the nerve to tell me that this is "no big deal" So going back to work will be hard. My doctors kids go to the school and he has only said positive stuff to my sister, and has told eveyone else he would rather not discuse it. I feel I will need all this strength just to return to work...
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Carmen Mommy to
Victoria Grace
born asleep on 4-24-03
Mommy and Daddy will always love you!!!!!

 
Old 04-18-2003, 09:27 AM   #5
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friendlyrobyn HB User
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i remeber last july when i thought i was 10. weeks pregnant. I work at a preschool too and we had a picnic at a park and i had told everyone i was pregnant even the children...ages 2-5. ! week later i was spotting and found out that my fetus hadnt grown any since 9 weeks. That was the hard part... facing people but its also supportive because all the parents were soo supportive. I think the children forgot because none of them had mentioned it and Ive earned some wonderful friends in the parents. I hope there will be lots of support for you too, and Im so glad you and dh have bonded closer!!
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Old 04-18-2003, 09:55 AM   #6
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kmc235 HB User
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Carmen, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength and courage. It's so wonderful that you're able to verbalize your feelings and share your experiences here. Remember that we're all here for you. You, your husband and your baby are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.

[This message has been edited by kmc235 (edited 04-18-2003).]
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Old 04-19-2003, 03:10 PM   #7
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Thanks so much everyone. I had a little breakdown today, but I'm sure I'll have a few of these. I was more in a cleaning mood than my hubby and got mad because he woudln't help. I HATE to clean, but I want to try and everything so that when I get out of the hospital and back from where ever we go I can just sit and relax....I learn everyday that I have more strength than I ever had....
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Carmen Mommy to
Victoria Grace
born asleep on 4-24-03
Mommy and Daddy will always love you!!!!!

 
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