I know I don't know any of you, but I'm feeling very lost today & I'm hoping that since you may know where I am coming from as a young woman any of you could offer some advice.
I'm 22 and 5 months pregnant. It was unplanned, but we decided to have the baby eventhough we both knew it would be difficult - he has money issues, and I just graduated college. My family is very conservative & traditional & very against this, as well they dispise him. A friend of ours, who has let my boyfriend stay at his place since January let me stay there too while I finished school because the situation at my parents house got too bad. Growing up I always had access to everything I ever could have needed & lived a very luxurious lifestyle, and there were some things I've needed but my boyfriend can't afford it right now. He's working but the money he gets goes to pay off debts.
I was upset the other day & questioning about the money situaiton & he said he couldn't afford me, taking me to my parents house because he thought that is where I could get the things I need right now.
I understand why he did this, we had a long talk & figured it was the best thing, but I feel ****ty today. My mother keeps saying he's just dumped me off because he can't afford it. But I know he's trying and he is a sweet man. It felt so good to be near him for those 2 months, sleeping beside him at night, having his hand on my tummy.
What kind of things do you need? Are they expensive things that you could really do without? I know how hard it is to adjust from a life of luxuary to not having anything, but you have to really do some soul searching and decide what it is that you really want. Is the feeling for your boyfriend more powerful than the feeling of needing things?
Another thing that you have to realize is that YOU were never rich. Your PARENTS might be very wealthy, but that is not your life, that is their life. YOU have to start all over again when you start your own life. Like now. You have to make your own money and try to forget about all of the things you have lived with for the past 20 years. You have to decide what you REALLY need. Is it STUFF or LOVE. You can build your money back up. It won't always be pinch and scrape and doing without, but for now you have to just try to get by with just the minimum amount of stuff that you need.
Again it comes down to the stuff you were needing. If it really is needed and he is not willing to try to provide the things you need, then I would have to say your Mother is right.
It can be hard for a man to fall in love with a woman who has lived a life of luxury, and it can be even harder on him when he knows he can't give you that lifestyle right now that you're used to. You said there have been some things you've needed but he can't afford them right now. That probably makes him feel just awful. By taking you home to your parents, I don't think at all he's dumping you off. I think he's an amazing guy to be able to take you back to your parents so that you CAN have the things you need right now. It's hard to admit that you can't take care of someone when they need you. Let him get on his feet and then see how things go. You said you just graduated from college? GOOD JOB! I know how hard it is to be pregnant and do the school thing. Maybe you'll be able to get a really good job now and you won't have to lean on your parents as much. I hope all works out for you!
Rest In Peace, Laci & Connor.
May God Embrace Your Souls & Bring Your Family Peace.
[This message has been edited by sweetescape02 (edited 04-23-2003).]
Thankyou everyone. His love truly is all I need. We can have nothing & we always make it work. I suppose my mom's talking kind of got to me this morning. I just talked to my aunt, who supports me & is happy for us, which made me feel amazing. Thankyou for the support & the reminders when I needed them.
I grew up in a home where I got everything I needed and for the most part wanted. My parents still taught me responsibility but I was spoiled. When my husband and I first met amd moved out, reality set in. I couldn't afford to do the things my friends did and a shopping trip for new clothes was out of the question. We fought all the time about money and I resented him for not having a good job. As we have both grown and learned we realize that our relationship makes us the richest people in the world. We also learned to live simple. We still get frustrated as we don't have much at all and we still are unable to join our friends most of the time. We remember we have so much more than many people in this world and that sets us straight. With baby on the way it is an added stress but one we would never give up. We know we will work things out and you will too. Stay strong and believe in yourself and your relationship. No one ever (Or hardly ever) starts out at the top. You will have more appreciation in the end for the things you struggle and fight for. Good luck - you, your boyfriend and your beautiful baby will be ok! Bon