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Old 09-11-2003, 07:34 AM   #1
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Question What would you advise?

This is a really tricky situation. My SIL who has not long turned 19 was raped about five weeks ago. she kept it to herself until yesterday when she came to me for help. she was walking home from her friends when she was attacked and raped. she came to me and said she thought she was pregnant. i went out and bought her a test and sure enough she is pregnant. i bought her three tests and all three came back positive. the thing is she is against abortion as is all her family but she does not have a boyfriend that would help her out. she says she could not live with herself for killing something that is apart of her. but how could she live with something growing in her that is apart of someone who raped her.
i know that myself and all of her family would help her as much as we could. what advice would you give to her?
thanks in advance Kitty

 
Old 09-11-2003, 07:45 AM   #2
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wow i have a 11 year old son from the product of date rape was an x friend i knew. so i know this man.but ya know you should explain to her this baby is part of her and she is not to blame. i would recomend her seeking counseling it works tremendously.i'm still in it. this baby will love her no matter how it was conceived. and she can explain that when he/she gets older. my son knows all. i took him to my therapist and told him infront of my shrink. he understands a great deal. so please try and convince her to keep her head up and seek help their are so many support groups out there.her baby will love her no matter what. i'll keep her in my prayers. good luck

 
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Old 09-11-2003, 07:47 AM   #3
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I am sorry to hear about her situation, that is horrible! I myself became preg at 18 & had the baby, but I was not raped so I know it's different, but I just know from personal experience that it's hard enough to raise a child at a young age (I am 21 now) let alone try to have & raise a child that resulted in a rape.

I am not for abortion, but I am also not totally against it. I think that it's there for a reason, but girls should NOT use it as a form of birth control (as in my situation) but I always wondered what I would do if I were raped & became preg. Honestly, no matter if family & a b/f were willing to help me out, I dunno if I could carry a child that resulted from a rape! Every time I looked at that child, I would probably want to cry or get angry & that isn't fair to the child!! I am probably not helping you much, but that is just my thoughts on this! Again, I am terribly sorry that she is having to deal with something like this at such a young age... what happened to hear is not fair !

If she is TOTALLY AGAINST abortion, maybe she could have the baby & put it up for adoption? I know that would also be VERY hard to deal with on top of all this, but if she would have a hard time raising it know where it came from, there are plenty of people out there that aren't able to have children that would LOVE to adopt & give that baby the love it needs. Just a thought.

I think that no matter what she decides in the end that she is going to have a hard time b/c it's a touchy situation to begin with.

Give her lots of {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} & prayers as I am sure she needs them!

 
Old 09-11-2003, 09:21 AM   #4
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Hello! my mother when she was younger was also raped and I have an older sister from this rape. I asked my mom how she felt about my sister and she said that she could never hate a child that God created just because she was not made from love and by a man she never even knew. It was hard for her but I think the love for your child takes away from the rape and you donot even think about it as much. I would tell her to find help and someone professional to help her through this pain and anger and she can give the baby up for adoption if she doesn't or can not keep this baby due to her situation. I wish her luck and may God be with her in her time of sadness and confusion.

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Old 09-12-2003, 04:35 PM   #5
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OH MY, THIS IS A HARD ONE !! I know someone that was raped and kept the child.....She thought she could love it etc, but ended up making that childs life a living hell....She was also very young when this happened ONLY 17 ! I personally couldnt go through with it, but like someone else posted, there is adoption ! What a tragic situation to be in...... I hope it all works out well for her !

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EDD 18/10/2003
ITS A GIRL
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EDD 18/10/2003
ITS A GIRL
will be induced late Sept early Oct

 
Old 09-14-2003, 06:55 AM   #6
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after a long talk with her parents she has decided to keep the baby. she knows it will be hard but she will have loads of help. she has also booked herself into counciling so that should be good for her. i feel so helpless right now i dont know what to say to her to make her feel any better. she said last night when i was on the phone to her that she doesn't think she could let go of her child no matter how it was concieved. and that no matter what happened it is not her childs fault and she will love it as much as she can. i really admire her for this. i dont think i would be able to cope with this. she is so brave. thank you all for your advice i appreciate it very much. ((((hugs))))

 
Old 09-14-2003, 07:37 AM   #7
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Bless her heart!

My reply does not really apply, since so many weeks went by before your sister told what happened. In cases when the rape is reported less than 2 weeks afterwards, the woman can have a D&C, thus emptying her uterus of a ready environment for implantation - no implantation, no pregnancy.

It is good your sister has a loving family who will help her and love the baby with her. Bless you all.

Peace - Barbara
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Old 09-14-2003, 07:59 AM   #8
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*hugs* She has a long road ahead of her. Keep your arms open to her! Whatever the outcome of this is, please don't allow anyone to make the decision for her. Guide her and advise her.. love her and respect her decision.

I have to think a little more on this before I state my opinion.

Heidi

 
Old 09-16-2003, 11:16 AM   #9
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thank you all for your kind words. the good news is that the police have caught the man who raped her. her attacked a 13 year old girl on her way home from school. she screamed and three men who were near by grabbed him whilst a woman rang for the police. my SIL had to go and pick him out of a line up. she asked me to go with her. she just broke down in tears as soon as she saw him. but at least he will pay for what he has done.

 
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