It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-27-2003, 10:09 AM   #1
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 68
raspberry HB User
rape becoming too common?

now i may come across as harsh and unfeeling here, but to be honest i'm sick of all these cries of rape. rape is a traumatic experience and should not be taken lightly, but what gets to me is when a woman has a bad sexual experience and feels so ashamed of it they convince themselves it was rape because they werent entirely comfortable in that situation. i have a friend who was wrongly accused of rape. he lost his job, friends and family, all because this girl had been very drunk and woken up with him the next day only being able to remember snippets. i agree that rape is not black and white, but instead of rape being a grey area it's turned multicoloured!! in fact so bright it's blinding people from seeing the true victims and the deluded.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-27-2003, 12:10 PM   #2
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MA
Posts: 33
swallowgoldfish HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

I understand what you're saying...but it goes both ways. There are many times when even the rapist doesn't believe that forced sex is rape because it is done to his girlfriend. It is too common that in high school boyfriends will rape their girlfriend because they believe that if they are both undressed and the girl is turning him on, then she way only asking for it. And many girls in high school feel obliged to have sex with their boyfriend because they don't realize that they can say "no" even if they have turned their boyfriend on.

Date rape is very common because girls usually do not want to turn in their boyfriends and because they feel that it is acceptable behavior because they are in a relationship.

I agree that it is not right for girls to accuse of rape in your friend's situation, but I don't know how often that happens, compared to the common occurance of date rape and other types of rape that go unreported.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-27-2003, 12:10 PM   #3
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 63
zebra1 HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

Raspberry, I am sorry for your friends predicament.The explaination of how he ended up in this situation is a bit vague.I mean really, how do you go from being drunk and hanging out w/ a guy or friend ,and then waking up the next day and not remembering having sex w/ him?It doesn't really sit well w/ me or make sense,I have NEVER been out w/ a guy or guy friends,and then woken up the next day not remembering having sex w/him,and believe me if it happened to me,I'd be crying RAPE too .Did he really know this girl?Did he stop to think that maybe she was totally ****-faced and might not want to take things a step further with him?I am assuming he asked her whether she wanted to have sex with him,when they were sober. Of course the issue of rape is not black and white,there are so many shades of grey,that is why it's so important to discuss the issue of possible sex with someone BEFORE you have sex,not after.It IS a touchy issue,if you are living in the western world you should be painfully aware of this,and THINK before you act.Also ,he lost his friends and family over this(?),MMMMMMNNNN,this seems strange to me also. Why the hell aren't his friends and family standing by him?

 
Old 11-27-2003, 01:22 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,641
Geoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

Rape IS too common in our society. One in three women experiences sexual assault of some kind during her lifetime. The incidence against boys is also very high. Of course there are some false accusations but the incidence of unreported sexual assault is far higher.

 
Old 11-27-2003, 03:48 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,396
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

Rape is such a touchy subject and the definition of rape can be pretty different depending on who you ask but fortunately the views of the courts (western, at least) - and slowly also that of society - are changing to reflect the realization that a woman doesn't have to be brutally attacked by a stranger in order for it to be rape. The key factor now is not that it was done by a stranger, not that it was violent, but that there was an absence of consent. (Although the first two usually go a long way in ridding the average person of any doubt.)

That's why it may suddenly seem like there are all these cases springing up. Because the courts have realized that a wife DOES have the right to say no, that a girl on a date DOESN'T have to put out, and that drunk people are NOT capable of giving consent. And this is basically the law as it stands in the US, Canada, the UK...

So here's where I will probably make raspberry mad: It IS considered rape in the eyes of the law if the victim is intoxicated or unconscious and unable to give consent. It is now accepted that the victim being drunk does not allow the man to assume he has consent (let that be a warning). So according to raspberry's description, her friend was very lucky that he wasn't convicted because depending on how drunk the woman was, in the eyes of the law he was guilt of rape.

The law's attitude has been adjusted, thank god, but unfortunately, some people's have some catching up to do. (eg, anyone who thinks it's still okay to rape your wife, or have sex with a drunk person.)

 
Old 11-27-2003, 05:41 PM   #6
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 68
raspberry HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

i agree with most of what you said. however, in my saying rape is too common, the more threads i read in various messasge boards, it has become apparent how many women are hiding behind rape when in fact it was a sexual act which they later regretted and are ashamed of so are looking for someone to blame. i understand that all cases of rape should be investigated and taken seriously. BUT it is this growing number of women 'crying rape' which is affecting true cases of rape being brought to justice. i have had many sexual encounters which i have later regretted because i've been drunk or superficially attracted to someone, but i would never accuse any of them of rape because most of them were just as drunk/blind in attraction as i was! i think it's such a shame when such a terrible experience is being abused by some people to ease their conscience or as an act of revenge when the person being accused made it clear that there will not be a repeat of the act, as they feel used for giving themselves so quickly only to be rejected the morning after.

 
Old 11-28-2003, 02:10 AM   #7
Newbie
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 7
rainbowgrl HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby
That's why it may suddenly seem like there are all these cases springing up. Because the courts have realized that a wife DOES have the right to say no, that a girl on a date DOESN'T have to put out, and that drunk people are NOT capable of giving consent. And this is basically the law as it stands in the US, Canada, the UK...

So here's where I will probably make raspberry mad: It IS considered rape in the eyes of the law if the victim is intoxicated or unconscious and unable to give consent. It is now accepted that the victim being drunk does not allow the man to assume he has consent (let that be a warning). So according to raspberry's description, her friend was very lucky that he wasn't convicted because depending on how drunk the woman was, in the eyes of the law he was guilt of rape.

The law's attitude has been adjusted, thank god, but unfortunately, some people's have some catching up to do. (eg, anyone who thinks it's still okay to rape your wife, or have sex with a drunk person.)
What if the girl and guy have both been drinking? How can a girl be arrested for driving under the influence(as my friend was). Why would the courts then prosecute and convict her, when it was very clear she was drunk and was not capable of making an informed decision to drive? In most states if you kill someone while driving under the influence, you are charged with manslaughter, how can this be?

I find it so frustrating that no one can take personal responsibility for their actions now days. I believe that the only time the "I was to intoxicated to consent" rule should come in to play, is if you were drugged without your knowledge or are passed out and unconscious. Are guys to carry around a Breathalyzer and test every women before they sleep with them.

Me and my friends always go out as a group and take care of each other, This way we avoid the embarrassing, waking up next to a stranger in the morning. There have been many nights where one of us has blacked out and have still continued to dance and interact with each other normally, then remember nothing of what happened the following day. So if I understand this correctly, if I blacked out and acted semi-sober and i slept with a guy I could have him arrested for rape, but on the other hand if i was in the same drunken state and driving, i could be convicted of DUI. This is makes no sense at all and is completely wrong.

Be safe,
Kristi

Last edited by rainbowgrl; 11-28-2003 at 04:58 AM.

 
Old 11-28-2003, 02:23 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,396
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Hey rainbowgrl, you don't seem to be grasping an extremely important difference between what you do while you are drunk (active) and what gets done to you while you are drunk (passive). Think about it. There is a HUGE difference. I'm sure once you think about it, you will see they are apples and oranges.

Also, your claim that a drunk person is too drunk to make an "informed decision" is totally irelevent. There is no requisite for it. There is however, a requisite for "informed consent" for sex. Are you confusing the two?

Oh, and just to be clear, a woman can't be slightly drunk to claim she didn't give consent, she has to be stinking drunk and incapable of giving informed consent. This is where they courts weigh the evidence (claims) of each party and how drunk or incapacitated the victim was is a very important factor. As for them both being drunk, remember, being drunk is never an excuse, unless he wants to claim that he was actually drunker than her and that he was raped...

 
Old 11-29-2003, 04:34 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 63
zebra1 HB User
Re: rape becoming too common?

Whoa ,hang on there a minute,Rainonwindow.You said you were frustrated because no one will take personal responsibilty for their actions ,right?What about a ******* that rapes a drunk girl??Does he get to forfeit his personal responsibility because the girl was ****-faced? Obviously,I think not.The fact that you were trying to compare rape and drunk driving is truly laughable,I totally agree with Thisby's reply to your post.In fact ,when I first read your reply ,I thought you had misread the post or something.You said,"So if I understand this correctly,if I blacked out and acted semi-sober and I slept with a guy,I could have him arrested for rape,"First off,a person cannot black out AND be semi-sober,it's not possible,cause ya see,blacked out means being unconscious.Also ,when you say ,"I slept with a guy..,'' this implies willingness. If a person is blacked out ,there is no way they can give their consent for sex or anything else.Personally,my boyfriend does not have sex with me when I am "semi-sober," and if he did it would be freakin' weird alright.Think about it.Oh yeah,and while you're at it,why don't you explain ,what level of sobriety a person must be at before the words ,"do you want to have sex?" become unnecessary?

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Girlfriend and Rape floridasfinest Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 23 09-11-2011 10:36 PM
rape/family member? julie39180 Rape / Sexual Abuse 12 11-25-2010 05:30 AM
Can a woman rape a man? kewlgirl Mental Health 10 09-03-2009 06:38 AM
was it rape...? 1confusedgrl Rape / Sexual Abuse 24 04-19-2007 05:32 PM
Statutory Rape? thompsonator Rape / Sexual Abuse 5 06-02-2006 04:50 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:27 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!