It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-07-2004, 09:20 AM   #1
Newbie
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: california
Posts: 5
huggabunch HB User
Talking Sexual Abuse

I was sexually abused when younger, and wonder how this exactly affects me, I don't really feel different, just that I get really nervous around guys, even thought it was a female who abused me. So I was wondering also does therapy work? And how would it work?

 
Old 03-07-2004, 10:28 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 124
mandi-deg HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by huggabunch
I was sexually abused when younger, and wonder how this exactly affects me, I don't really feel different, just that I get really nervous around guys, even thought it was a female who abused me. So I was wondering also does therapy work? And how would it work?
I havent been sexually abused myself but I defenitely think you should give therapy a try. I think thereapy helps change your thoughts and how you think about things. i am starting therapy next week for bad anxiety. I would defenitely check into seeing a therapist or counselor.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-08-2004, 06:28 AM   #3
Inactive
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: madison, wi usa
Posts: 972
Karla HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

I was sexually mollested by a relative from age 4years to 11 years. I was very over active sexually. I was a compulsive masterbater and no matter how much sex my husband gave me it wasn't enough even at 7x a day. Sex had to be kinky to be good. Because I needed that bad feeling to accompny it because that is what I had learned as a child. I loved my husband dearly but found myself constantly cheating on him. I was out of control. I also had a lot of anger towards the person who did this to me. I spent a couple of years in marriage therapy and a couple of years in single therapy at the same time. Finally there came a time where I joined a sponcered and facilitated support group for those who had been molested. They had the victims meet in one room. The perpatrators meet in another room. And the significant others meet in another room. You spend 12 weeks in your group. Then if your councelor feels you are ready to move on you meet for 12 weeks in a group that is mixed. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. It helped me to understand that those who molest are generally molested themselves and that they are victims to and just caught in a viscious cycle. It really helped me heal and to forgive. However, I was classified as a sex addict and had to go to a 12 step support group called SA for help to stay faithful to myself and my husband. It has now been over 11 years since I last cheated on my husband and have stopped abusing myself. I confronted my molester. Who did not deney it. I let him know exactly how it had affected my life. We talked, we cried, he to had been molested. I forgave him but told him I was putting the family on notice and that it was going to stop here and now. He agreed. So there is great advantages from therapy for sex abuse. Some women go the other way from what I did and go the celebate route and have a hard time having a relationship of any kind . Therepy can help that also. There is so much hellp available today I urge you to reach out and get your life back.

 
Old 03-14-2004, 08:55 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 224
antares_wish HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

This is a difficult question to answer. It's how we decide to deal with sexual abuse that determines how it affects us. It's important to realize this because you have the power within you to move past this experience and have a normal happy life. The most important things to realize that are that it is not your fault regardless of what they told you. You did nothing to bring this on yourself. You did not deserve to be treated like that. You are worth loving.

Personally I was initially sexually abused by a female babysitter from the time I was 2-3 until I hit puberty. I am a 30+yr old man, so yes it does happen to us too. For me my experience was not scary other than the threats that I would recieve if I ever told anyone. The result however was no less devestating just because it was not a scary experience for me. Like the above poster I found myself overly curious about sex and the differences between boys / girls. Because of that curiosity I did many things that caused me to feel shame and guilt. I was raised in a religious family and I was taught that those thoughts / feelings were wrong and I believed that I was a bad person for feeling that way. I withdrew from everyone and kept to myself. I did not date like everyone else, I beat myself up emotionally and tried to tell myself that I was unloveable and that I needed to learn to live without love.

Recovery has been a long and rocky road. Talk to someone, trust me you'll feel better and they will not think less of you for it. The idea that you are not worth loving or that you are a bad person is just an idea that only the victim has. Pretty much anyone you tell is going to be understanding, caring and helpful. Don't be afraid to talk it out, having others hear your story and seeing that they still accept you will help a lot. If you're too afraid to talk about it with friends / family or anyone you know talk about it online. Nobody on these boards knows who you are in real life. You can be open and honest and not worry about seeing them on the street.

Therapy is good because it gives you someone you can talk to and they have heard it all before from someone else so you wont be telling them anything they haven't heard. The real healing comes from yourself, the therapist just guides you through the healing process. Find a therapist you can feel comfortable with and that you feel is being helpful. Don't be afraid to jump from therapist to therapist trying to find the right one. They won't be offended, they realize that not everyone responds well to different personalities. You will also find that every time you tell your story it will become easier, the telling itself is part of the healing process.

It is not unusual that you feel uncomfortable around guys even though it was a female that abused you. Everyone feels uncomfortable around the opposite sex and that does not mean that it has anything to do with your abuse. I am more comfortable around women than men even tho it was a woman that abused me. I just find that they are more sensative and understanding. There is nothing wrong with that.

Last edited by antares_wish; 03-14-2004 at 08:58 PM.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 10:41 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 123
Elana HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

Hi Huggabunch, I'd recommend trying a cbt group. I got involved in a cbt group last summer and learned how to retrain my brain through the simple exercises they taught us. My anxiety level is way lower than before. The tools teach you how to keep your thoughts from getting you all wound up and miserable. We used the book Been there, done that? do this! By Sam Obitz in my group and I like it that it has short chapters and the tools are easy to comprehend and apply to your life.

 
Old 03-21-2004, 11:28 AM   #6
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 187
Tanki HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

I think therapy is key when you've gone through any type of abuse. I didn't tell my psychitrist that I Was abused until about 2 yrs after the fact.. after telling her I have been feeing so much better, the bodies memories are less (flashbacks) and I'm not as scared anymore- it definatly is a good Idea to seek help with something like this.
__________________
~Tanki

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
In recovery for laxative abuse! Cipriana Eating Disorder Recovery 7 08-17-2010 11:21 AM
sexual abuse luvmy3girls Rape / Sexual Abuse 7 01-15-2009 01:53 AM
Has anyone that survived Sexual abuse had a healthy relationship?? elatedgiraffe Rape / Sexual Abuse 2 11-05-2008 02:01 PM
False sexual abuse claims by autistic child autisticsis Mental Health 8 05-25-2007 12:04 PM
How to help girlfriend cope with childhood sexual abuse? David_002 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 6 03-09-2007 09:18 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (4), jade680 (2), jen52983 (1), Seraph (1), krazy2day (1), ceeceee (1), Basswife (1), Kali333 (1), mercyrightnow (1), TKHawke (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (999), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (667), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:58 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!