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Old 04-07-2004, 09:40 PM   #1
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Rape if drunk?

My sister is 17 and found out through rumours that she had sex with a guy. She can't remember anything other than him telling her she had to kiss him back, etc. She remembers him dragging her to her room and ordering her to take her clothes off and she said no. He got angry and looked like he was going to hit the wall.. and that is all she remembers.
I confronted the guy and he said he is sorry but he didn't realise how drunk she was until afterwards. He said "I guess you could say yes" when I asked whether anything happened. He then said sorry for not using protection. But then my sister said nothing happened.
I made her get the morning-after pill, but it was 4 days later. She seems to be able to forget and put things out of her mind... I was just wondering whether it is rape. They didn't know each other until that moment.
This is in Australia so maybe you laws are different.

She was watching TV in the student room at college whilst very drunk as her friends are able to go out, but she doesn't turn 18 for another month. That is where the guy found her.

I know she was a virgin before this.. but she still thinks she is... but why would the guy admit it to me if it wasn't true?

I think he is 22.

Thanks.

Last edited by Greenoctopus18; 04-08-2004 at 02:52 AM.

 
Old 04-07-2004, 10:12 PM   #2
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Re: Rape if drunk?

Well in the US due to his age and her being drunk yes it would be considered rape. Since she cant remember anything one might question if something was slipped into one of her drinks but that is just something to think on.

You might want to look in the the laws there. You can either do that online or go to your local police or other such place in which you can get details on Rape laws for your country. I know it isnt the answer you were hoping for but the best I got since I do live in the US.
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Old 04-08-2004, 12:11 AM   #3
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Re: Rape if drunk?

I'm not sure about Australia, my sister visits there occasionally and I seem to recall her saying that the legal age there is 16? I don't recall very well, she said that it was a different age for men than it is for women. I could be wrong. As to whether it is legally considered rape in that country I have no clue. The more important factor however is her thoughts and feelings on the subject. If she is having any issues with it then you should really suggest to her that she see a therapist to talk it out.

Last edited by antares_wish; 04-08-2004 at 12:12 AM.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 01:13 AM   #4
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Re: Rape if drunk?

if she said no and he did it anyway it is rape. it doesnt matter wheither the law considers it rape or not. as of what you can do about it there isnt much. even in the us, the law doesnt do much for rape victoms. yeah you could press charges and he would go to jail for 2 years but when he gets out he will most likely come after her. the only thing you can do is learn from the mistake. it really angers me that men can do this and get away with it and there is nothing we can do. until men become civil enough not to believe they have the right to have sex with any girl they want, weither they say yes or no, you should take precautions to ensure this doesnt happen again. and make sure she seeks counciling. i have alot of friends who have been raped years ago and have problems now because they pushed the feelings deep down inside. especially if this was her first time having sex. i also suggest she get tested for diseases. as for him sorry isnt good enough. he is just trying to escape responsibility by blaming it on the drunkness. this wasnt a mistake and your battle isnt a tiny one. its a full scale war that women and men have been fighting since the begining of time. i'm not sugesting you do anything illegal but he should not be able to get away with it so easly. first you should warn every female in that school about what kind of guy he is. never let your sister be alone again unless she is behind locked doors. i think its kind of mean that her friends left her to drink alone while they went out. if you think hard enough you can find other ways to get back at him while staying within the law. and putting fear into other men who think they have the right to have sex with whoever they want with or without consent. i dont mean to ramble but i am verry upset after reading this.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 02:48 AM   #5
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Hi. Thanks for your concern.
I am feeling a bit guilty as I was one of her friends. When I left she was in the room with a few guys and girls (all of whom were strangers) reading the bible. They (including the guy) were all completely sober. She was only metres from her room and was happily watching TV while they were there looking harmless at only about 10pm.

She didn't seem that drunk when I left, so there are possibilities of something being given to her.
I have read up things and it is difficult to say what would happen if the police were told... but she doesn't want anyone to know incase my parents find out.
I told her she could see the counsellors but she looks like she has forgotten about it now... not even a week later.

He was living in a different college, so I don't know what he was doing at her place, but I took my sister to tell him what she thought of him and she did in the cafeteria of the college he lives. So now everyone there will know about it.

I just can't understand how he could no know she was drunk. She said he kept trying to kiss her and she wouldn't so he would keep trying and tell her that she is supposed to kiss him back. All of the other bible readers were there the whole time. Someone shoudl have noticed. She said that when he started dragging her to her room she called out for another boy to come because she didn't want to be alone with the rapist and he ordered him to stay away from them. She can remember wondering why the other boy couldn't come with them.

Do you think he really done it?
I woudl like to beleive my sister when she said he didn't, but I can't understand why he would admit it if it wasn't true... maybe because he didn't want to be caught out on the lies he had been spreading around.

I'm not sure whether to tell my parents or not. They wouldn't like it, but it may be for her own good.

The legal age is 16 here for girls... but I can't see how a sober older man can legally take advantage of a girls drunkeness. I know she shouldn't have been drinking so much that she can't remember things... but she doesn't deserve this.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 09:50 AM   #6
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Well, if he really did have intercourse with her while she was unconscious or in such a state that she doesn't remember then it most certainly is rape. Fortunately in countries like the US, UK, Canada, Australia, there needs to be something called 'consent' and when someone is unconscious or extremely intoxicated, there is no consent. The laws differ among the countries/states/provinces as to how far a person has to go to get consent, so it would depend on your state's rules, but for the most part, the concept is the same: when you're too drunk (or drugged) you can't give consent. Plain and simple.

That said, chances of prosecuting get slimmer and slimmer the longer the victim waits due to it getting more difficult to get physical evidence. And why do victim's wait? Often because they don't know, are too embarrassed, don't think they'll be believed, or are afraid... A common result of this kind of rape is self-blame which is very bad for the victim's recovery. In your sister's case, it sounds like she's going through denial, which probably isn't any better. I would strongly suggest she get counselling because even if she's ignoring it now, it's going to come back to haunt her later, say when she goes to have consentual sex for the first time...

She doesn't have to report the crime but she should speak to a rape crisis centre anyway.

Last edited by Thisby; 04-08-2004 at 09:51 AM.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 11:29 PM   #7
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Re: Rape if drunk?

Quote:
Originally posted by Pinky1234
yeah you could press charges and he would go to jail for 2 years but when he gets out he will most likely come after her. the only thing you can do is learn from the mistake.
I would have to disagree with that statement simply for the fact that if you let someone get away with it then it just makes them feel that much more confident about doing it again. Is it possible that he may come back to try to take revenge on her? Possibly, but I'd say the chances would be a lot lower than if she didn't. Sexual predators are typically cowards, they want someone that will quietly take it and move on without bringing attention to them. If she proves to be a fighter then the typical rapist would rather find easier prey.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 03:42 PM   #8
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Re: Rape if drunk?

If he did have intercourse without protection she would most likely have had semen residue on her public hairs, underwear (if it was put back on) or bed sheets. Under US law it is rape, though it might be near impossible to prosecute over there given the lack of concrete evidence.

Sadly, if it did occur but she doesn't remmeber, it might be best to stop talking about it. No use telling her she is a victim if she doesn't feel like one, especially when there is probably nothing she can do about it, other than learn from the experience. If you see the boy again, you can certainly give him a piece of your mind and state you are asking around about him and if you can find others who he did this to, you will go to the police.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 03:54 PM   #9
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Re: Rape if drunk?

This is most definately rape. It doesn't matter if she can't remember it or not.

As for the police being told and all that it sounds like you've got a lot of witnesses that saw them together and saw him drag her off so that is in her favor. Also his confessing to you is a plus. But it does all come down to his word against yours and hers.

Frankly as hard as this might sound to do I would tell your parents and the police. Not just because of what happened to your sis but also because he iw most like the type to do this again. And I hate the thought of him getting away with this over and over.

The bad thing is that so much time has passed so a doctor being able to tell if sex occured or drugs were given to her is probably to late... unless heaven for bid she'd gotten an STD from him. Which is another thing she needs to think about and go to a doctor about.

Anyway, yes I would tell. You will probably **** your sister off but someone has to know.

 
Old 04-20-2004, 09:55 AM   #10
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Re: Rape if drunk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by antares_wish
I would have to disagree with that statement simply for the fact that if you let someone get away with it then it just makes them feel that much more confident about doing it again. Is it possible that he may come back to try to take revenge on her? Possibly, but I'd say the chances would be a lot lower than if she didn't. Sexual predators are typically cowards, they want someone that will quietly take it and move on without bringing attention to them. If she proves to be a fighter then the typical rapist would rather find easier prey.
i have alot of friends who were raped. only 2 told police about it. people in school and in the neiborhood constantly harassed them for putting the guy in jail. i moved away after that but the guy reciently got out of jail and came after my one friend. he is harassing and stalking my other friend. he blames them for putting him in jail! and people we went to school with are on his side. he admits to ****** them but he was drunk so automatically it should have been excused and because he said sorry they should forgive him. now "his life is ruined because of my friend" its nothing but a bunch of bs and anyone like that should have their balls choped off

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:14 AM   #11
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Re: Rape if drunk?

I almost lost my virginity to a rapist in this manner. It is terrible that some guys think that they can have sex with someone, consent or not. The guy that did it to me was a preacher's son too. Not that that makes any difference but I will always remember that fact about him.

I can remember telling him NO and trying my best to fight him with what little strength that I had due to the intoxication. He got my pants down and if I hadn't have had a tampon in then he would have been sucessful in ****** me. I told him about the tampon and he moved to remove it and that is when I was able to get away.

To answer your question, YES, it is rape!

 
Old 04-20-2004, 10:45 AM   #12
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Re: Rape if drunk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkie1234
if she said no and he did it anyway it is rape. it doesnt matter wheither the law considers it rape or not. as of what you can do about it there isnt much. even in the us, the law doesnt do much for rape victoms. yeah you could press charges and he would go to jail for 2 years but when he gets out he will most likely come after her.
No offense but this is the worst advice I've heard. I know what you are saying and I agree that rapists get off to easily in our legal system. But to tell someone just to learn from the mistake?! What mistake?!?! Sure she made a mistake getting drunk maybe but her being raped was not her fault and her being drunk doesn't make it "her mistake". It was his mistake and he should pay for it!

He may or may not come after her afterwards but he WILL go after more girls the longer he is out free. And it is women who don't press charges or do anything that are responsible for it then. The only thing a victim of rape is to blame for is not taking action. The more we women let this go unpunished the more it'll happen.

 
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