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Old 11-17-2004, 01:07 PM   #1
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Recently raped and very scared...

Hello
well I will start off by saying that I appreciate all of you reading this and willing to help... may God bless you.

I am very young, 17 to be exact. I found out that I got herpes from my boyfriend of 2 years well almost 2 years ago... he was my first boyfriend and the first time he performed oral sex on me I got GH from his cold sore. We broke up about 9 months ago... and thats that.

During the summer that just past I went to my sisters one night because she was having people over to drink, it was kinda a small party. Well I had a lot to drink... too much, but I figured I'm at my sisters house what could go wrong? I felt safe there... well I guess I shouldnt have. She had her friends over... one of her older friends that I had always had a crush on over the years... I dont remember how I got into a bedroom with him. I was willingly making out with him, and even taking my top off. But he came on top of me and I asked do you have a condom? and he answered no. And then I distintivly remember saying no! and trying to push him off of me. I said no again... and again... trying to push the top of him off. Needless to say it didnt work.

I went to the hospital and got a date rape kit done on me (incase I wanted to charge him from now and 6 months from now) And to see if I had any other stds from him, and to get medication in case i did. I decided not to... risking people knowing that I have this was to much for me. I informed my sister that I did not agree to have sex with him... she told all her friends and his friends and they think I am lying because he doesnt seem to be that kind of guy... (he really doesnt) .... So now I feel like a liar... and I know that he most likely was GH now... from me... and I cant help but feel responsible and dirty for giving it to him. I know how hard it was and still is for me, and now another person has to go through the same thing!!! I have nightmares and dreams of him calling me a dirty **** and it gets to be too much sometimes.

I always wonder what if he tells people he got GH from me? Should I just lye I say I had a cold sore that night on my lip? ... I know it sounds immature and childlike but I said no to him! But I still feel responsible! Can someone please help me I am crying right now just thinking of this... I'm so confused about everything... why my sister doesnt believe me, what if I see him again? what if he tells people? what if he trys to charge me?

Please anyone with any advice I would greatly appreciate... Sorry this was soo long... Take care everyone

 
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Old 11-17-2004, 04:14 PM   #2
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Heavensent, you are not responsible for being raped. And you were raped. What you need to do is to get some counselling. Many rape victims feel guilty, as you do. It is a trick your mind and our culture has played on you. Please don't swallow it. You aren't to blame.

Did you tell your parents? That would be helpful, too; I know at 17 it's hard to talk to them sometimes, but they are the people who love you the most and will fight for you.

Whether you tell them or not, please call some clinics or therapists to find out your options. You are not dirty. You are the victim, not he. And I think you need someone to help you work out the many psychological ramifications of being victimized.

I do want you to know that condoms do not reliably protect others from herpes. Please take a look at the threads here and read one called "Happy Couples." This thread has a lot of suggestions for protecting partners from getting herpes. And when you have time, read lots of threads here. You'll learn a lot about living and loving well despite the herpes.

Let us know what's up with you, okay?

 
Old 11-17-2004, 04:15 PM   #3
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Are you kidding? The guy RAPED you. If anything, he DESERVED it if he got infected by you. But the chances are that you didn't infect him because HSV-1 in the genital area isn't nearly as bad or as contagious as HSV-2. Not to mention that it is difficult to pass HSV-1 genital-to-genitals (people usually only get infected from oral-to-genital contact). So its pretty unlikely that he got it unless you were having a raging outbreak at the time...

 
Old 11-17-2004, 04:25 PM   #4
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

unlucky guy, I could kiss you. She needed to hear that from a guy.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 05:00 PM   #5
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Heavensent,

Reading your post brought back a lot of emotions and heartbreak for me, not to mention tears. I'm proud of you for being strong - although it might not seem like it - but you are reaching out for help AND you went and had a rape kit done.

Almost 16 years ago I began my fight for becoming a rape survivor; I too was 17. Unlike you though, I was still a virgin. I was raised in a very spiritual home and my intent was to save myself for marriage. When I was raped, that man took what I thought to be, the most precious thing I had to offer a man that I loved. I began a long journey with depression, anger, and hatred. I didn't tell my parents until 5 years later. Just a couple of weeks after it all happened, I started dating a wonderful man that I believed to be my angel from god. He listened to me, was a shoulder to cry on...simply put, my gift to help me deal with this horrendous thing that happened. He was the only one I told for many years despite his encouragement to share with my parents. I felt so ashamed. I blamed myself. Questions went through my head like, why didn't I fight harder? why didn't I scream a little louder? why me?

I can tell you all these years later why it happened to me. To share my story with new survivors, like you, to give you hope...to share my story with those not yet victims to help them see the warning signs. I will tell you this, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change it for the world. Prob sounds ???, but if through my experience I could spare just 1 other woman from telling this same story, I would do it again 1ooo x!

Right now, I think it is really important that you seek the help and support from those that are experienced with this and can help you. You are so young, I'd hate for you to loose as many years of your youth as I did to anger. You need to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Good for you for having a rape kit done. I, like so many, did not do that. That just allows the victimizer to continue getting away with it. The one thing I do request from you, stop worrying about the possibility of sharing the STD with this man who raped you. Although I don't want to say that he deserved it, I don't think anyone does, you need to take that energy and utilize it for turning your situation into a survivorship but you can only do that by taking care of yourself. Let him worry about the consequences of his actions, whatever they may be and you worry about overcoming your feelings of guilt.
You are not guilty!

People thought that I was lying too but they weren't there. Don't worry about them. You know what happened and so does he. So like I've said, take care of yourself. There are a lot of counselors that specialize in rape, also a lot of support groups - often times free. Seek one out, so you can begin to survive and one day be able to share your story. Strength will come to you through this experience and if you embrace that, you'll never allow yourself to become a victim again. I promise.

My prayers to you!!

SassyRedHead
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Old 11-17-2004, 05:53 PM   #6
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Hey guys..

Well I would like to thank each of you very much... When you take the time and try and support someone you dont even know really shows what kind of person you are.

Yes my mom knows about what has happened... she knows everything, were fairly close but shes rarely ever home. I think I do need to talk to someone about this, but I feel ashamed of having herpes. I am sure I will anyways though. And someone said that since I got herpes from a cold sore on my ex's lip... its not as bad as getting it from someones genitals... why is that? I have only had one outbreak in 2 years and it was my first one... and I am not on any medications either so I just considered myself lucky. So since I got GH from a coldsore its different some how? Some one please explain?

thank you guys so much again... your stories really do help me A LOT... I dont feel as alone.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 06:29 PM   #7
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Usually herpes on the mouth is called type 1, or HSV1, and herpes in the genital area is called type 2. They can both occur other places, but type 1 prefers the face and type 2 the genitals. You probably have type 1 on the genitals. Since it doesn't prefer that area, you will probably not have as many outbreaks, or as severe ones, as someone with type 2 genitally. And your story seems to corroborate this theory.

And if you were nowhere near an outbreak at the time of the rape, and you have had it for a couple of years, chances are that he did not get it.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 09:13 PM   #8
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Thumbs up Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Quote:
Originally Posted by unlucky_guy
Are you kidding? The guy RAPED you. If anything, he DESERVED it if he got infected by you.

my thoughts exactly

 
Old 11-18-2004, 08:46 AM   #9
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

I agree, he deserved it if he did get it.

 
Old 11-18-2004, 12:40 PM   #10
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Be glad that the *&^#@% is gone! Not worth your time or energy, good riddance!!! Don't feel bad - it's not @ all - your FAULT!!!!!
Keep your chin up, and herpes does get better with time.....-Shinyornament

Last edited by Ornament; 11-18-2004 at 12:41 PM.

 
Old 11-19-2004, 07:21 PM   #11
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Hey everyone its me again
Well thanx for the replies
I know all of you kep saying its his fault because he raped me, and I know this but I cant help but feel like I have reuined his life..( not that having this reuins your life) but I just feel so awful and I always think maybe if I had tried a little harder to pull away, or maybe if I hadnt drank as much... but I literaly layed there saying no quietly and then I started to cry... but I do blame myself for some reason!
I decided to get information about counclers that can help me with this. I'm going to call them on monday... And hopefully it wont be too stressfull. Sometimes I think that I could have such a harder life, I mean all of us could have HIV or something life threatening... But then I also look around and see all these happy people that probably dont have herpes and will probably never have to worry about it all there lives. Sometimes I even forget I have it, I have never had another breakout since my first 2 years ago. But the reality is we do... But I am just wondering how others deal with this? Does anyone else feel like they'll never find a boyfriend/girlfriend that they can tell this to? And if anyone is well educated on herpes can you tell me what the chances are of passing simplex1 genitaly to your partner if you wear a condom and you dont ever break out like me. I know there is viral shedding and you never quite know when that is but I was just wondering if anyone knew the answere to that?!?
Well thank you for your time once again!
xoxox love Heavensent

Last edited by Heavensent102; 11-19-2004 at 07:27 PM.

 
Old 12-02-2004, 02:34 PM   #12
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavensent102
Hey everyone its me again
Well thanx for the replies
I know all of you kep saying its his fault because he raped me, and I know this but I cant help but feel like I have reuined his life..( not that having this reuins your life) but I just feel so awful and I always think maybe if I had tried a little harder to pull away, or maybe if I hadnt drank as much... but I literaly layed there saying no quietly and then I started to cry... but I do blame myself for some reason!
I decided to get information about counclers that can help me with this. I'm going to call them on monday... And hopefully it wont be too stressfull. Sometimes I think that I could have such a harder life, I mean all of us could have HIV or something life threatening... But then I also look around and see all these happy people that probably dont have herpes and will probably never have to worry about it all there lives. Sometimes I even forget I have it, I have never had another breakout since my first 2 years ago. But the reality is we do... But I am just wondering how others deal with this? Does anyone else feel like they'll never find a boyfriend/girlfriend that they can tell this to? And if anyone is well educated on herpes can you tell me what the chances are of passing simplex1 genitaly to your partner if you wear a condom and you dont ever break out like me. I know there is viral shedding and you never quite know when that is but I was just wondering if anyone knew the answere to that?!?
Well thank you for your time once again!
xoxox love Heavensent

Heavensent, I am really sorry for the bad things that have happened to you!

First things first: a lot of people have herpes. You are not alone! When you say you look around and see happy people without herpes: a lot of them will have herpes! Some won't know it (and you are in a better position because you know and you can help protecy future partners because of your knowledge); many do, and they are still happy.

Ok. So you have HSV1. Anything up to 80% of the population will test positive for HSV1. Most will have it orally, some genitally. Now think about it this way:

HSV1 prefers the mouth. Not only are you, statistically (so it's not everyone's experience, but most people's) less likely to suffer regular outbreaks than someone with HSV2 genitally, you are also less likely to get outbreaks than someone with ORAL HSV1. So, cold sores - which many people have every so often and don't worry about - they are the same thing as what you have on your genitals... but you should suffer with them even less than someone with HSV1.

What all of this means is that:

1. HSV1 genitally is usually less "serious" than HSV2 genitally. I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you the exact statistics, but if you had protected sex with someone when not having an outbreak, I do believe your chances of passing on genital HSV1 would be quite low indeed. They would be further reduced if your sexual partner got cold sores / already had HSV1, because they have antibodies which will give them a degree of (if not absolute) protection against reinfection genitally.

2. There are people out there with oral HSV1 - like me. We have to think about the dangers of infecting someone when we have oral sex. The chances of me passing on HSV1 to someone from my mouth when having oral sex are, statistically - it's not for sure, but chances are - significantly HIGHER than you passing it on if you had genital sex with someone. And I have something that as I say, anything up to 80% of people have. So, just because it is genital herpes, there is no need to fear the worst. Many people with HSV2 do not suffer seriously with it; and you have HSV1 which is usually easier to deal with than HSV2. Most of those who get genital HSV1 never get another outbreak after the first one, and I hope you are one of those "most people"! Plus, think of it this way: you have something genitally that probably at least half and maybe three-quarters of people worldwide have on their mouths. Don't think of it as a big stigma because it's genital, because genital HSV1 is usually less serious in its impact than oral HSV1!

3. I have genital HSV1 as well as oral HSV1. You know, the oral HSV1 is more of a pain! Since I got genital HSV1 in August 2003, I have had three outbreaks of oral HSV1 - and none of genital HSV1!

Good luck, and don't blame yourself for the awful thing this guy did to you. If he got herpes, I am afraid that is his problem, because you did not consent to sex. In this respect I agree with everyone here: the attack was not your fault and if he gets infected - which I agree with other posters, is unlikely - then you are not responsible. I'm afraid that if you choose to rape people, then you suffer the consequences.

You should concentrate on positive thinking and knowing that none of this - the rape, the HSV1 - is your fault - and that there is a happy way through this.

Good luck

beaker24

 
Old 12-02-2004, 02:50 PM   #13
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

Hey! wow what a long reply! I really appreciate it! You definitly raised my spirits about this!!!! I am currently in counseling for what happened with the person that raped me... And Im happy to say that it is helping quite a bit! I never knew the statistics were that high! I thought I was one of the only ones that has HSV1 genitaly... Wow that really helped I have to say again. I wish I could email people like you, or anyone who has it and talk about it to, it would really help me i think, but I think it is agaisnt the rules to post email adresses... but anwyays you have helped me mroe then you know. thank you!
xoxox heaven

Last edited by Heavensent102; 12-02-2004 at 02:54 PM.

 
Old 12-02-2004, 04:49 PM   #14
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

First I am a guy, not your fault. I recently got HSV-2 and me my girlfriend are not sure who it came from her or me. He has probably had sex with a few girls so the chance of him knowing where it came from slim to none.
2nd me and my girlfriend love each other we know one of us gave it to the other, in the sceme of things it does not matter to us. I am not dirty and she is not either. This is an epedemic like chicken pox they will fix it sooner or later. I have been taking Indol-3-carbinol you can find it online at health food stores you can keep it in your house and no one is the wiser or will look down on you. I had the same worries. If he does have he isn't talking either.
I beleive God can fix everything, including us.

 
Old 12-02-2004, 04:52 PM   #15
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Re: Recently raped and very scared...

OH Yeah I do not think my life is ruined. So why would his be?

 
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