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Old 03-16-2005, 12:32 PM   #1
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Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Do you ever get over sexual abuse? I was just wondering. Does therapy even work. Why would any one want to talk about something painful as that. Why is therapy so expensive?

Annie

 
Old 03-16-2005, 12:59 PM   #2
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Some people do get over it and some people don't. Therapy works in most cases, although, not all therapists are good at what they do. As for why someone would want to talk about it, well, it could be for many reasons. By talking about it, they can put the situation under different perspectives, they can find emotional support in people who understand and they can realise that sexual abuse is nothing to be ashamed of.

Therapy is so expensive because it's done in private practice and therapists make their living off giving therapy. It is possible to find free support groups and organisations, however, especially for sexual abuse.

 
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Old 03-16-2005, 08:42 PM   #3
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I actually watched a great show about sexual abuse victims and there seems to be good news I was surprised (and horrified) at some of the stories, but remarkably, for all the victims, life's gone on.
And yes, in many cases talking about it does help. It's like seeing a horror movie, ya know? The first time you see one, it's just so terrifying with all the monsters or what have you jumping out when you least suspect it. but after you see the same movie a few times you know what happens and it's not scary anymore. The whole thing kind of loses it's impact. Same with abuse in your life. If you talk to a councellor about it, or just go over the events in your mind by yourself, even if it's real hard at first and you end up crying when you do it, after a few times the real life monsters, those bad events, start to lose their impact too. But if you avoid your unpleasent experiences, and push them into some dark corner of your mind and never deal with them, they may be harder to recover from :S
hope this helps!

 
Old 03-16-2005, 08:44 PM   #4
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hbannie
Do you ever get over sexual abuse? I was just wondering. Does therapy even work. Why would any one want to talk about something painful as that. Why is therapy so expensive?

Annie
I don't think you ever "get over it". Therapy is usually expensive because the good therapists have extensive, expensive training and they work really hard. They're taking on the problems of dozens of people and trying to be objective and professional. ANYWAY, I think a therapist could help by teaching you a new way of looking at the abuse. Sex abuse victims tend to have certain traits - they tend to have low self-esteem and sex problems, sometimes drug & alcohol problems & self-hatred. They often have eating disorders or other disorders like cutting. Therapist try to help them see themselves as normal people, as innocent victims of someone else's sickness, not their own. I've heard of some major success stories. So I'd say it's worth it if you can afford it, or else find someone who will do it cheap or free if you can't.

 
Old 03-17-2005, 07:39 PM   #5
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Red face Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I've been a victim of sexual abuse around 20 years ago and I haven't been able to get over it.

I did meet a man who abused me yesterday and to tell you the truth, the first time I saw him, he asked the wrong questions.

I'm still going to that group but that means going to lengths not to talk with him.

That's not fair at all. Why does he even bother coming? So far, he had hurted me.

Shame on him

 
Old 03-19-2005, 05:10 AM   #6
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

For my part I can tell you that I never got over it from 30 years ago, but I HAVE been able to deal with it better and have a pretty healthy relationship despite all of it.
I lived with an alcoholic who would blackout and then force me to do whatever sounded interesting to him at the time.
He would also trap me inside the apartment and block the doors to keep me from leaving.

To this day I am basically frigid & can't say I enjoy sex to the extent a "normal" female does, but I have a wonderful (and patient) husband of 15 yrs. I told him the bare basics of the abuse when it looked liked things were getting serious. he's been more than wonderful, and luckily doesn't want to have sex every week anyway.
A match made in heaven for me.

Recovering from the verbal, emotional & mental abuse has taken longer. I have bipolar disorder myself and I'm sure my illness entered into the poor decisions in men I made for many years.
I think it takes therapy or a support group, I think it takes time.
And I think it takes helping someone else out along the way...

 
Old 03-20-2005, 06:58 PM   #7
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I don't think `getting over it` is the right term to use....it puts so much pressure on s/a survivors! But I do know what you mean..

Everyone is different, and heals in their own way. It also depends on how much support there is around, and the different circumstances.

I have been healing for 9 years now, and still think about it everyday (but its not a flashback kind of memory...more just a passing thought)... i don't have PTSD anymore and feel `normal` and more in control now.

But it has Definitely changed me as a person ( i feel anyways).

The people in my life who have asked (or told!) me to `get over it` are the ones who don't understand that you need to work THROUGH it in order to come out the other side. And it's Always going to be there....but what changes is the feelings/reactions etc. And i also have my up days (when i feel stronger for having been through it, and i can help others)...but also my down days when i see parts of me that i KNOW are from having been abused (arguing with partner etc). I just think it's human.

 
Old 03-24-2005, 01:52 AM   #8
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Hello,
I was sexually abused when I was a child by two different people at two different times....just when i thought i got away from one, there was another. Anyway this happened to me when i was 10 and 11. I had never told anyone i mean anyone. I am 22 now, and after carying this horrible secret around with me for 12 years I told my best friend about it. After I told her about it It felt good to get it out, but then the next day I wasnt sure what i really felt.....but i do think i feel a little bit different now that i have told somebody (in a releaved/good kind of way). It was the most hardest thing that i have ever had to make come out of my mouth. I mean i can think it over and over in my head its just hard to actually say it. But I am glad that I told her.

As far as getting over what happened I dont know if i ever truly will. Someday maybe I will see a therapist about it, I know I probably should but i dont know if im ready to do that yet..... Now days for about the past year I have thought about it almost everyday, but when I was a kid i could block it out.....i cant block it out and forget about it anymore though.

I have had alot of problems im my life that are typical of people who were molested. I did have problems with eating disorders when i was a teenager. I used drugs and alcohol. I have had sex with guys i probably shouldnt have, and let them take advantage of me. Just to name a few things.

Well that has been my experience dealing with this. And I do see one of my abusers on a yearly bases because he is a family member, but i dont talk to him much or keep close contact, but i have never told. I know i should tell what he did to me but i feel to scared to. I dont want to cause problems with that side of the family, and i know it would be a huge deal and i dont think that any of them would believe that he would do that anyway. I just feel it would be too tough to deal with that so I will still keep this to my self. No one in the whole world knows this bad stuff I cary with me except for my friend and now all of you.

I do feel however that I do a good job with keeping myself strong. I take good care of myself and have healthy relationships now (despite some of the guys in my past). I would say that my self-esteem is pretty good. I dont think badly of myself. I hope this gives you a little bit of insite about how hard it can be to just 'get over' this kind of thing, cause i dont know if i ever will but i have faith that someday i can put it behind me and not have it effect me anymore.

Were you abused too? If so, I hope that you are okay and that you can someday feel better.

 
Old 03-24-2005, 02:56 AM   #9
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

The wife was exposed to her mother having sex with men other than her dad. I still can not stand being around her (mother in law). That was 35 years ago and the wife still has problems with it.
She has came a long way in therpy, but the seed of fear, shame, and anger is still there.
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God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 04-07-2005, 05:55 PM   #10
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Lots of ways i can think of:
-get depressed and express it as a depression and subsequent effects on your life
-become an abuser (not necessarily sexual: drugs, violence, etc)
-devote your life to some morally justified cause in order to make your life have meaning
-engage in wild sexual fantasies
-take revenge using violence/sexual abuse
-reason with yourself that it wasn't your doing and get on with the rest of your life

Hell you could even do them in any combination.

 
Old 04-08-2005, 09:10 AM   #11
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Hey, I was sexually abused when I was anywhere between 3 and 5yrs old.. I hadn't told anyone for 15yrs and that was 10 yrs ago, mainly I forgot about it, Which what I really did was push it aside.. didn't dwell on it eased the pain with using. til I became more sexually active, alot of things similar to what rIcHrD said,,.. It hurts, I have now major depression from that 1 time event.. Never thought it'd effect me, but It does.

It's painful, thinking that Beep beep wich he'd d?e, for making me feel this way and being this way... I really don't think a person can get over it.. They think maybe they can, but it'll aways be in your mind somewhere.. There will be reminders realizing it or not in everyday life.. My lifes' gone to hell because of the abuse.. I now have a 1 n half yr old girl, I pray that she doesn't go thru half the crap I went thru, all the turmoil feelings and pain..
I hope this helps any,, I can keep going.. with this.. I have much anger towards this thing!!!(stepgrandpa)

Thinking about it makes me shudder!! There are alot of very sick people out there.. Just know you can talk to a close friend, but they might not understand, they might not have been there..(gone thru with it like us.) Always know there are others you can talk to on these boards.. I' find these boards very helpful, Emily

 
Old 04-10-2005, 01:04 AM   #12
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hbannie
Do you ever get over sexual abuse? I was just wondering. Does therapy even work. Why would any one want to talk about something painful as that. Why is therapy so expensive?

Annie
I'm not going to beat around the bush with this one: I have read only the first post of this, and that is all I will be reading. I have both educational and personal experience with this subject. One thing: DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE ONE OR THE OTHER/BOTH!

Now, onto the topic.

Sexual abuse. It is a tramatizing thing. One can never get over it. I personally did. One of my clients has not. Sexual abuse, though it is done physically, is something that actually attacks you mentally. Your mind gets the full effect. You must remember that people are not always mentally strong ( in my professional opinion, those that call themselves strong when they have no idea what they are talking about <i.e., people in the army?> are usually the ones who get tramatized the most.)

Why would someone want to talk about it? Well, to tell you the truth, most people don't. They just express themselves. It used to be thought that talking about it would make it better, but that isn't always true. In my case, it was just picking up a psychology book one day. I talked to no one, and many people I know don't know about this one thing about me.

By the way, aren't all doctor appointments expensive? What do you think a therapist is? (Again, by the way, therapists is the wrong word to use. It is more of a slang term.)

 
Old 08-08-2005, 02:19 PM   #13
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I thought i was over it till the othe day when i found how/why some people/smells etc. trigger me the way they do sending me into inappropriate/self harming behaviors.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 02:07 AM   #14
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I have read all the post here. It seems that everyone is female, I could be wrong. I'm not a female, so here goes. I was abused for unknown amout of years, very long time, by somone extremely close to me in age 16 months apart, and close in relation. Mostly had my genitals touched and fondeled with the same actions being returned. I think it was more youthful curiousity more than anything. It has affected me none the less. I am now 25 yrs old and have been unable to have any kind of relationship, ever, Never have had acctual sex. Can't body won't allow it. I do put my self at blame because I returned these actions. It hasn't affected the other person involved the way it did me. he has since grown, married and has a seemingly perfect life. I blame myself for not being able to move on like he did. The one friend I told about it, had similar things happen to him, it didn't affect him like it did me, but I see that it did affect him. he has had over 100 partners, but no real meaningful relationships. to add to the sexual abuse, I was also, beaten at school, called gay, ***, *****, fat, and basically had someone tearing me down my whole life. I rarely speak to my family anymore, I have acctually developed a fear of them, my fater is highest on the list, then my maternal grand-parents, paternal graand-mother (grand-father died before it really affected me), my brothers, and then my mother. Closer to my mother, because she went through something similar in her youth, but I've never told her about what has happened to me. Don't want to rock the boat for everyone else. All is well with my family, except for me and my mom. I am acctually afraid to post this thinking someone who knows me could read it, and find out that it is me who posted.
I think it is also important to note, that nobody in my family believes my mom was abused, except for me, and she doesn't even know that I know.
When she told my dad, he put her in a mental home for a while, I was in the 5th grade. I later found out only recently, that it was because she had made accusations of sexual abuse by a family member, very close to her in age and relation, nobody in my family believed her. I acctually found out because the person who did the abusing was talking about how my mother is crazy, and how she made all these accusations. I want to tell her I believe her, but I don't want her to know how I found out, or why I could believe her.
there you go. for all the women they hate men becuase they were abused, just know it can/has/will happen to us men to.
PS: I set and stared at the screen 10 min, before I could hit Sumit Reply

 
Old 08-23-2005, 05:51 PM   #15
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Re: Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

Hello Annie,
talking about it, more importantly, RECOGNIZING it, is the first step in understanding and coping with one's pain. I don't think anyone really get over it. Some learn to REPLACE, RETHINK, RETRAIN one's emotional demons. Some turn to BDSM lifestyle(I used to be a subbie). Whatever to replace or help with the pain. It never really goes away.

Personally, I haven't learned to deal with my demons. I've dug a deep hole, build up walls around it, imprisoned myself there, occasionally poking my head out to take a peek. At times though, I feel as if I died already.

I was used by my father, a priest and 2 foster brothers. I'm gender dysphoric, asexual, but omnisexual during my manic phase. I still fantasize and secretly enjoy those traumatic events. When I have those thoughts, my depression gets really bad; guilt, self loath and hatred, unworthiness, etc; and I've done a lot of self harm to cope with the pain.

I used to play the victim, but part of getting well is to understand why I feel that way and NOT LET IT hinder and ruin what happiness that comes my way.

regarding therapy; I think paying for the RIGHT psychotherapist makes a big difference. I've had one that insist on HRT/sex reassignment when I told her I've no sexual attraction of any sort or the need to act out. She insist it's the first step for my treatment. Watta quack!!

I'm a natal male, btw
d

 
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