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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 07-04-2005, 10:56 PM   #1
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Was it rape?

I had a bad experience the other night with a friend and am not sure if its rape. This guy and I had previously messed around before, and he knew I was a virgin. I had told him everytime, including the other night I was not having sex with him. However, at one point the other night he lifted him self up over me and started sticking it in. I was pushing him off and yelling him to stop, and although it didnt go in very far I bled a bit the next day. Was this rape? I know I'm upset about it, but I am still confused about what happened. Please help!!

 
Old 07-04-2005, 11:13 PM   #2
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Re: Was it rape?

I had a friend go through this same thing and its hard to deal with especially at a young age and if you are still a virgin. I personally think yes it was rape, and if someone says you're wrong and you led him on etc... that is NOT TRUE. He was told no and continued to do it. It is true that a lot of things you do sexually can lead up to sex but it doesn't have to and if you said no there was no reason he should have continued. I hope you can honestly believe that this was not your fault. I don't personally know the pain this can cause but I can only imagine what can be going through your mind. I talked to my friend a lot about her experience and it was with someone who was a very close friend and she lost a lot of trust for all of her friends because of it. I hope you have someone you can talk to about it. Maybe your mom or a close family member that may be able to help you get through it a little easier. My friend kept it in and didn't tell anybody for a long time and that made it a lot worse for her. I know this wasn't a lot of information but I hope it helped a bit. Please make sure you talk to someone and make sure they understand that you are a bit scared and confused after having that happen.

 
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Old 07-05-2005, 07:03 AM   #3
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Re: Was it rape?

I would most definitely say it WAS rape! You said NO and that should have been that.

 
Old 07-05-2005, 07:08 AM   #4
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Re: Was it rape?

yep, that was rape..if he still kept doing it when you kept yelling and saying no to him, then it is...i suggest you ditch this friend, before he goes and hurts you even more..

Last edited by LOtRsfan; 07-05-2005 at 07:10 AM.

 
Old 07-05-2005, 07:17 AM   #5
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Re: Was it rape?

Yes it was for sure rape. I was also raped from what I thought was a good friend when I was 16 and then I was ashamed to say anything about it and 3 days later he raped my best friend and now he is in prison as we both testified againt him. people like that are scum and feel like they have power over you when you say no and they do it anyway. You need to let someone know about what happened

 
Old 07-05-2005, 08:57 AM   #6
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Re: Was it rape?

Rape is any sexual act against an unwilling individual... From what I read what he did constuites as rape... You need to tell someone...as soon as you can... a trusted adult or a close friend who can tell someone else for you.... dont blame this on yourself... Its not your fault in any way.... Good Luck Honey Im Sorry this had to happen to you...

 
Old 07-05-2005, 11:41 AM   #7
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Re: Was it rape?

Yep, it was rape!

 
Old 07-05-2005, 02:08 PM   #8
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Re: Was it rape?

It was rape...you said no, repeatedly. Do yourself and other girls a favor (before he does this to someone else) Report it and get some help and support for yourself as you deal with this. He abused his friendship and his "power" to take advantage of you. I'm so sorry this happened, just gives us good guys a bad rap. Please, as hard as it is....report this and maybe some other girl won't have to endure the same pain you're going through.

 
Old 07-05-2005, 03:44 PM   #9
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Re: Was it rape?

Did everyone here miss something. Yes, it was rape. No, he had no right doing anything she didn't want him to do. I'm not saying she led him on. He had no business pushing himself on her. But, if she didn't want to have sex, She had NO Business "Messing Around" and especially with her Clothes OFF. What he did was wrong, no doubt. You can't put yourself in that kind of situation. Call the cops and have the guy arrested. But, don't take your clothes off with another guy unless you are ready.

 
Old 07-05-2005, 03:50 PM   #10
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Re: Was it rape?

This guy may have very well done this before and got away with it. A few boys have found that they can do this and not get into any trouble, and some even convince themselves that her "no" was really a "yes". Or, maybe he was fooling around a bit (in his opinion - this is hardly "fooling around") and took things way too far. The decision you have is whether to tell the authorities about this. At this time, you appear to have little to no evidence to support a conviction of rape in court. That is, there is no semen to trace back to him and no signs of forced entry. He (or his attorney) would claim you actually said yes but then changed your mind (something girls have indeed done in the past, thus causing innocent guys to go to be implicated with rape).

I would certainly advise you to talk to a someone - maybe call the rape crisis hotline or a trusted person in authority. Regardless of any legalities, you may need some help to deal with this. If you decide not to prosecute the boy, you can still tell him that if you ever hear of him doing something like this again, you will join with the other girl(s) and bring charges of rape against him.

I bet your "friend" would never consider himself a rapist, but he is. I would certainly avoid seeing him in the future. If he thinks he got away with this, he may go further next time.

Just realize this is not your fault. He was a trusted friend, you told him no in a forceful manner, and he abused the trust and frienship you had. Oh, if the people you tell feel you have a case, or that by filing charges you could help prevent future abuse such as this from happening, then please consider doing so. It will be hard, but you may have suffered because some other girl(s) was too intimidated to come forward.

 
Old 07-06-2005, 03:10 PM   #11
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Re: Was it rape?

YES this is RAPE!! I am relieved that others have been telling you that as well.

I hope that you avoid this person.....he may try to apologize and say things such as "im sorry, its just that you are so beautiful and you had me so excited ...yada yada yada".....basically, making you feel like it was your fault somehow. Please don't listen to him. Stay away from him. He is obviously very capable of doing this once and he will more than likely do it again. If not to you, then to someone else.

I am so sorry for you. This is awful that you had to feel such a violation of your body and of your trust in him. It's not your fault, no matter how 'far' you guys got into it. Like you said, you had told him that night and many times before that you were not going to have sex with him....so he had a choice beforehand whether or not to have any activity at all. Meaning, if it was going to get to an physically 'uncomfortable' point for him, he could have avoided getting started at all. GRRRRRR....what a creep.

Please know it's not your fault. If you don't take anything else away from any of the posts you've recieved here, then at least take that.....IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You did your part, you told him ahead of time, and you told him no. You even screamed and struggled. You did nothing to ask for this or deserve it in any way. Don't let anyone make you think that.

 
Old 07-06-2005, 03:45 PM   #12
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Re: Was it rape?

I believe it was rape also, what a creep I hope you do not associate with him again.
You may even think about reporting it, if not I would cut ties with him. He was not respecting you as a woman or a friend.

 
Old 07-09-2005, 10:53 AM   #13
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Re: Was it rape?

Yes It Was,you Sayed No,when A Women Sayes No And He Still Forces Himself On You I Would Say Yes Thats Rape.no Means No.

 
Old 07-09-2005, 05:16 PM   #14
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Re: Was it rape?

iF IT HAPPENS JUST AS YOU SAY IT DID THEN YES IT WAS RAPE

 
Old 07-10-2005, 08:55 AM   #15
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Re: Was it rape?

As everyone else has said ... yes ... this was rape. Do you think you will prosecute? If you are going to you may need to be checked over at the hospital ... I'd recommend going for a check up there regardless.

I was just a little concerned abotu one response I read ... about the fact that you had previously 'fooled around' and were naked. This does NOT make it your fault. This was NOT a ticket for him to rape you. Please do not feel that this makes you responsible. People can be naked and not have sex. If I do things with a guy, I do not expect him to therefore assume that I am ready for sex. You did nothing to cause this at all *hug*

Sorry you have been hurt this way.

Saz x

 
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