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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 10-04-2005, 01:22 PM   #1
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I was raped and up to this day i can't ever forget

Sometimes I Cry All The Time. I Am Now 18years Old And When I Was 16 I Was Very Curious About Kissing A Guy So There Was A Friend Of Mine Who I Liked That I Wanted To Kiss So I Went Over To His Home. We Started Kissing For The 1st Time And It Felt Really Terrible So I Wanted To Stop. He Started To Touch Me And Thing And I Was Resisting And Telling Him To Stop. He Never Did. I Was Afraid Of Being Really Hurt Because I Trusted This Guy Who I Considered A Friend. After He Finished With Me I Don't Know If It Was A Plan But He Told Me His Mother Was Coming And He Hid My Clothes.
I Was Naked In The House And Desperately Cryin. I Wanted My Clothes. I Went Outside In The Yard And His Friends Were There Also Watching Me. His Mother Never Came. I Could Not Walk In The Streets Naked
So I Asked For My Clothes. I Wanted It Badly. I Went Inside Another Shed To See If It Was There And They Locked It And Around 7 Other Guys Were Inside. One Kept Grabbing My Leg And All Of Them Were On Me, I Had No Control Over Anything. I Felt Helpless. After They Were Done They Gave Me My Clothes And I Put It On And Left Crying. I Did Not Tell Anyone About This. I Was Scared That They Would Blame Me For Trusting The Gujy To Begin With. I Hate Everything. I Never Told The Police Because Of The Same Reason. I Dunno What To Do. I Now Have A B/f At Present And Sometimes In My Life I Juss Cry 4 Many Days On A Stretch. He Tries To Comfort Me About It But I Still Feel Used. I'm Soo Scared. Everytime I See Those Boys I Become Scared Again And Again. I Hate Them Soo Much And I Hate Myself 4 This. I Dunno What To Do

 
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Old 10-04-2005, 01:35 PM   #2
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Re: I was raped and up to this day i can't ever forget

I'm so sorry that such a sickinly, disgusting and cowardly act was forced upon you by such inhumane beings. But the truth of the matter is that it is not your fault. It was never and will NEVER be your fault. You said STOP and he didn't listen, you have no reason to blame yourself. I know you tend to think, what if I would have done this, I should have fought harder, I should have screamed..believe me, I was there too at one point in my life. It didn't get all the way there, but believe me how he tried. You know what you have to do and that's get the help you need. You need to tell the cops and someone you trust. Has your boyfriend gone to tell anyone? I know when my DH found out about what happened when we first started dating he wanted to harm the guy. Who knows how many other girls these beasts have or are planning to do what they did to you to some other girls. You need to show them your not afraid and what they did was wrong and shall never be done again. I also suggest you get some professional help. I'm sorry but this is something you need help with and most likely won't get over "in time." You need to talk it out and work through it. It will be hard and scary. There will be anger and fear. There will be pain and tears. And after awhile with those that love you supporting you, you'll make through it. Please, please, please, for your sake and the sake of others, go to the police. You don't have to go by yourself. You sound like you have a loving and caring boyfriend who is willing to stick by your side through the roughness of it all. You don't have to go through it alone. Please seek professional and or spritual help. My thoughts are with you in your delicate time.
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Last edited by PrittyGreenEyez; 10-04-2005 at 01:38 PM.

 
Old 10-04-2005, 01:51 PM   #3
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Re: I was raped and up to this day i can't ever forget

Thanks For Replying. U Have No Idea, Ii've Had 2 Nervous Breakdowns In My Life For Various Reasons And It Was Terrible. I Can Not Handle Any More Pain. Everyone Thought I Was Carazy. No One Understands. It Was Almost 3 Years Ago So I'm Not Sure I Can Report It Now, I'm Really Scared Still Though. I Really Want Help But I Don't Want My Parents To Go Through My Nervous Break Downs Again. Boys Don't Understand This And They Were Told By The Guys Involved That It Was A Gang Bang. I'm Soo Scared Because I Went Through Soo Much Pain. Usually I Start Crying When I Hear About It And I Can't Do Anything

 
Old 10-04-2005, 01:58 PM   #4
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Join Date: May 2005
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dwallech HB User
Re: I was raped and up to this day i can't ever forget

HI,
First let me tell you, everyone is here to support you. We have been through it and understand. I had major problems until I finally got some professional help. They counseled me and gave me a book to read about post traumatic stress disorder, which I had not heard about til that time. I would also call the local police and see if you can still report this horrendous crime. You did nothing wrong and have been violated. This creates a lot of emotion problems within you. Also see if there are support groups available. Your boyfriend sounds like a super supportive person. When I met my now husband, it actually heightened my fears as I didn't trust myself not to be hurt again. That is when I actually sought out professional help because I had tried to suppress them, but the relationship brought them to the service as I wanted to trust but didn't know how due to the past. I hope you seek professional help and also check about filing a report, which are steps that will help you towards being able to deal and cope with these issues. Take care and hope this helps.

 
Old 10-04-2005, 03:23 PM   #5
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Re: I was raped and up to this day i can't ever forget

Hi Thanks For Ur Support. Sometimes I Don't Think My B/f Can't Really Understand How I Feel Or If He Expected Me To Get Over This Since It Was 3years Ago But He Tries To Comfort Me When I Cry About It Then After He Talks To Me I Feel Okay For A While Then A Day Later I Start Crying Again. I've Been With Another Guy B4 My B/f But None Of Them Have The Answers. I Think That I Will Try My Best To Seek Professional Help. I'm Really Scared, But I Will Try My Best. I Get Really Angry Sometimes And Frustrated When Ppl Talk To Me About Anything And It Bothers Me A Lot. I Lost Everything. I Went From A Virgin To A Thrown Waste Nothing. I Am Scared To Go To The Same Doctors For My Nervous Breakdowns B4 Cause They Will Say Its Me Again And So On.

 
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