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Old 01-09-2006, 02:46 AM   #1
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balivion HB User
my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Ok this is a long post, so i will appologize for it up front, I will also thank anyone up front that takes the time to fully read this and respond.

I guess I should start with I have two children with my ex husband. An 8 year old son with developmental delays, (he is matured to about that of a kindergartener) and a 6 year old daughter. My ex-husband is also a sex offender for indecent exposure to a child under 15. I have never had concerns about him hurting my kids, because I figured they are his kids, he would never do that. That and he gauranteed me, he wouldnt. The court ordered me to let him have visitation when we got our divorce. However, he is not allowed to be in contact with any child under the age of 14 with out supervision. But, for some reason that apparently does not pertain to my kids.

Anyway, to get on with the story here, my oldest came to me the other night and asked me if he could tell me a something with out me getting mad....I told him yes, and he told me his dad has made him look at dirty magazines, (his words not mine) and "sex videos" (aagain his words). He also says his dad has explained to him, how to have sex, from begining to end the entire process, including the motion, He also told him that his penis would feel good when he gets older, (he however used other words than penis to our 8 year old son).

Then!!!!! My 6 year old I ask her has anyone ever done anything to mak eyou feel uncomfortable. I was lookin for a 6 year old answer when i asked this question. Something like yeah this person made me too cold or whatever. Instead I get a terrified look, and a very abrupt NO. I asked her if she was sure, she said yes and started to go back to bed. Then she turns around, and with her blanket in one hand, and her thumb in her mouth came back over to me. She popped her thumb out of her mouth, (she still sucks her thumb, but didnt start until she was 2 its wierd.) and said mommy when you asked me that question (then she looked down at her feet and said) Did you mean like when my daddy sleeps naked next to me.?? She must have seen the fright anger and depression that came over me in my face, cuz she got this terrified look on her face, started crying, dont take my daddy away from me, I promise he wont do it no more mommy I am sorry, dont take my daddy away from me.

SOOOO...Now I dont know what to do. They want to go see their dad, and then they dont then they do. but if I do not report this, I could lose my kids, if I do report it, he will go to jail with in an hour, due to the fact that he is a sex offender.

I dont know how to help my kids deal with the loss of their father (when I know they are going to blame me) and the violation of themselves all at the same time. Can someone please help me out.

 
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Old 01-09-2006, 06:08 AM   #2
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mitpatsmom HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Wow, I am so sorry. This is going to be horrible, no matter what.

But, you must report it. There is no happy ending to this. Your ex-husband knows what will happen to him if the secret is out, and he does it anyway. That sounds like it's not something he will be able to control. If you confront him, he may try to talk you out of it, promising it won't happen again. He's already violated one guarantee, in time he'll violate the next one, too. Because of that, your kids need to be kept away from him.

It will be hard on the kids, but they will come to understand that you are protecting them. Their father is sick and needs help now before something worse happens. Hopefully, the authorities will provide counselling for you and the kids. The kids need to be told, that the problem lies with their father, not with you, not with them.

I wish there was a better way, but protecting your children by contacting the authorities is the only thing I can see.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 06:27 AM   #3
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summertyme HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Your pedophile ex-husband IS sexually abusing your children, despite his promise not to. Hmmmm....that just shows how trustworthy criminals can be. I think that pedophiles are the scum of the earth and I would turn his sorry behind in so fast that his head would spin. He has robbed them of their innocence and that is a shame.

As to the trauma to your children because their father is going to jail, that can't be helped because you chose to make two children with a sex offender. Some things can't be fixed and made all better just because you wish it to be so. Just try to get them into some counseling and maybe repair some of the damage before it's too late.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 06:37 AM   #4
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Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Your first job as a mother is to protect those children.

He has them confused. These kind of 'sick' people will do whatever it takes to make kids adore them first, then they start out small and work up to full blown 'sicker' acts. Contact a child service or your lawyer to find out who should talk to the children, the courts are going to say you put those words in their mouth. Make sure all your ducks are in a row here.

Yes you'll have to deal with the fall out on this, but it's much better to do it now than to wait! Then they will still lose their father plus you'ld have to deal with what he's done to them. It only will get worse, never better. Do the right thing for them.

Last edited by drs; 01-09-2006 at 06:38 AM.

 
Old 01-09-2006, 06:42 AM   #5
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Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Please write back and tell us how things are going.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 10:32 AM   #6
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Karen W. HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Hi,
I read your post and I'm extremely bothered by it, you need to call the police and report him and you also need to get a restraining order against him if he is not put in jail. He has done some horrible things to your children, in which has traumatised them and most likely will need some counseling. No one has the right to to that to anyone, Please keep us posted on the out come of all of this and be strong, your doing this for your kids.
Karen W.

 
Old 01-11-2006, 12:57 PM   #7
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Chellaine HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

I am not replying to beat you up over this, goodness knows I would have no right, read my thread and see the situation I kept allowing my little guy to keep going in to.
In the same turn, you shouldn't beat yourself up either.
I do, however, would like to give some friendly advice. I would advise you to hold visitation, if he wants to know why, tell him! Call the police and report him, call CPS and tell them what you know and allow your children to talk to them. If you have a Child Advocacy Team in your area, get hold of them and they will steer you in the right direction on what you should do next. The detectives that work with the team that are very experienced in working with children, and very good at it too, may want to interview them as well. They are very kind hearted with the kids and not judgemental. They do not scare the kids, they are quite nice.
Do these things for your children. Get them the help they need now. They need counseling now. They need to know they didn't do anything wrong. They may think they did by something he told them or even by telling on him.
If there is no Child Advocacy Team in your area, I am sure you have a Victims Assistance, they will help you also, maybe not as well as the team would, but still will help.
Let us know how the kids are doing, and you as well.
Take care,
Chellaine

 
Old 01-11-2006, 02:34 PM   #8
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Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

You know hun l dont know where your from but right now here in the uk the cases of peadophile attacks are getting more and more common there on the news almost everyday etc etc and you owe it not just to your own kids but to every other kid who could come in contact with one of these monsters to report him!!! It turns my stomach to think an adult can do anything like that to a kid its sick and very very dangerous..... stopping your ex NOW will only save your kids and others and one day they will understand why you did what you did l wouldnt let my kids ten mile near him if it were me! and l hope you dont anymore your ex is othing more than a dangerous monster save your kids!!! Sorry if lm been blunt but lady youve been given a warning sign here dont waste it! Good luck

 
Old 01-11-2006, 02:43 PM   #9
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tnmomofive HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

D*****itly do not allow him to be around your kids again and d*****itly report him!What every one else has said here is right on.Your kids will surely understand as they get older why he had to be reported and sent to jail.I agree though with counselling for the kids for sure get them some ASAP.Please do not worry of them being upset with you they may be but only for a short period.When they get older and can understand things more they will see how much you love them and thats why you had to what you had to do.



good luck and take care of those babies

Last edited by tnmomofive; 01-11-2006 at 02:44 PM.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 06:09 PM   #10
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Chellaine HB User
Re: my kids.and sexual abuse...PLEASE HELP!!!!

Balivion,
Please tell us how you and the kids are doing.
I would really like to know how you and the kids are.
Just write a quick line, if you would, please, and let us know.
Take care,
Chellaine

Last edited by moderator2; 01-14-2006 at 06:16 PM.

 
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