It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-14-2006, 07:08 AM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 22
carolinagirl HB User
Unhappy Sexual Abuse

It all started when I was about 9 or 10 years old. My mom had remarried to another man which I honestly considered as my "real father" because I knew him since I was practically born. He's the one that actually took me into this country at the age of 2 before I was living in Uruguay, South America. I was young so I didn't know any better, or what was good for me, but I knew something was wrong. My step father sexually abused my sister and I. My sister is a year and 3 months older than me. But for some reason he abused me more than he abused my sister. I was there to witness that. It wasn't like a "severe" abuse but it was wrong. He would always come into my room and rub against me or try to touch my vaginal area over my pants; or in the pool he would hold me in the wrong ways; or pull my pants down and just rub his penis around my behind. Nothing was ever inserted. But i'm scarred from that incident for the rest of my life. I didn't think that I was going to be affected by it throughout my life, but as I'm older now, 22 years old it has become for the past 2 or 3 years insane. For example, I didn't tell you the whole story. But basically, at that young age I then went to my older sis and told her "listen we have to tell mom." I grabbed her and I went to tell her exactly what was going on and then we went straight to the police, he was arrested. I was questioned over and over again about so many things for about 6 or 7 hours and then I had to go get some tests done; it was really hard on my sister and I. Now what really made me the way I am today is because soon after he was arrested, I wasn't allowed to see him for a matter of 2 years-but practically the whole time I was seeing him b/c my mom had just had twins with him and the twins had to see "their father." I know in my heart if my kids were ever being abused by there father, I will never let them see there father again. However, in my moms situation she needed the money so she had to see him to support the 4 of us. We were all very young at the time. So I have been living with my step father practically forever up until I just got married and moved out of the house the past couple of months. I'm 22 years old now and I sometimes dream about what happened and wake up feeling horrible and it's always in my head b/c i'm I used to see him every day, and I just want to know why he did this to me. I deserve to know. And it is affecting me in so many ways. Even with my husband, I sometimes cry to him b/c I HATE MY STEP FATHER for what he has done to me and I will never forgive him. He hasn't touched me since; if you are wondering. But, just the matter of the fact that he did it and how I just lived with him through it all. It's sick. I just hate him so much and I don't care about him. And I don't want to see a psychologist because I've been through it all and I just want a closure. My situation has been very difficult to live with and I wish I could find a solution. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not a depressed woman. I always look at the positive side of things and I try to make things work and i'm extreamly sucessful in my life. However, everyone has there downsides and this is mine. The more I talk about it, the more I think about it. But I think I want to talk about it b/c it just makes me feel safe. And with this website I could just spill my heart out. So thanks for listening. Bye.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-14-2006, 07:50 AM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Near Peoria Illinois USA
Posts: 328
NitroChic HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

I too was sexualy abaused from the time I was 5-13. You sound like you are trying to downplay what your step father did to you.

"wasn't like a "severe" abuse but it was wrong. "

Like you dont deserve to be angry or upset about this. Believe me....I don't believe that any level of sexual abuse is "worse or less severe" than any other. I, for many years just pushed it to to back of my life as a done deal that I couldnt change. I "learned to live with it" that is until something happened in my life that absolutely brought it back to the forefront, and I was forced to deal with it.I realized that all my life I would avoid the conditions in which I would be reminded of the abuse...
To keep your sanity, you must talk about it. If you can do that here, then that is great. Please do so. God Cless you...just try to understand that even though it was something you dont want to ever thinlk about...it is part of who you are.

 
Old 06-14-2006, 08:00 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Central New York
Posts: 391
StephanieAnne HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

Hi Carolina

I too was the victim of sexual abuse, when I was a kid and I never told anyone, until I was in my 30's, I was given the phone # of a PTSD therapist and slowly over time, I was able to deal with and put it away,

You stepfather has a problem, and it was very wrong of him to do that to you and your sisters, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT!!! you did nothing but love him like a dad and for him to do what he did is horrible, it set you on a course for your life that made you different from everyone else.

I felt that way my whole life, and I hated it, I was starting not to want to drive anywhere, afraid that I was in other drivers way, I was withdrawing, using recreational drugs, drinking, living a bad life, and I hated it, but that was all that I knew.

I can tell you that I have dealt with my PTSD and what I have received back it an entire new life, then in Dec 2004 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and if I had not worked thru all my pain, then the MS would have swallowed me whole and I would not be were I am now. I realized also that I have had depression my whole life and I like you would put on a happy face and be positive and happy and it was all apart of my mask that I wore. Now I am happy, relaxed, confident, content, and this is the life that I earned from all my pain.

Talking about it will make you feel better, finding a PTSD therapist who can work with you to really put it all to rest, may be the key to your new life. I went to a Psych and I spilled my guts to him and he presctibed a drug to handle my problems, yeah, I never went back to him and it made me shy away from any sort of therapy, but after finding my therapist, it was the best thing I ever did.

I like to let my brain sort things out for me while I sleep and maybe that will work for you. I will give you any support to help you feel better.

I love nitros advice, get it out if you want to do it here and it helps we will listen but it is apart of your life, and it wants to get out, you want to reclaim you. Hang in there sweetie, things will get better
__________________
StephanieAnne

 
Old 07-30-2006, 01:13 AM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States
Posts: 20
NicoleKane HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

Hi, Carolina. I'm sorry for what happened to you.. I, too, can relate to how you feel. While I wasn't sexually abused, I was both pyhsical and emotional from my father, and let me tell you.. I HATE HIM. Everyone's telling me " Oh, you're just angry at him, that's all." but I'm not angry. I've never felt this immense anger before in my life. So you are not wrong at all to hate your step-father. I don't blame you one bit. And it wasn't your fault at all. I used to feel like it was mine, or actually, I still feel like it is, but I suppose it's because of all the times my FATHER convinced me it was. It's good your step-father was arrested - my dad never was. He's out free, roaming the streets, never been arrested for anything. And that's the only thing I want - revenge. I'm usually not a hateful person or someone who likes to hurt people, but with him.. it's different. I feel like I could hurt him so badly, as much as he's hurt me. Just remember it wasn't your fault. You had no control over the situation. Every victim feels that way.. for a long time. I'm starting to realize it wasn't my fault because I didn't beg for him to hurt me, he did it on his own, and it's the same with your step-father. It's sick when men turn to children and use them for leverage for their little games. I was almost sexually molested once by my father, but he didn't get far. Something seemed to snap inside of him.

Also, was your step-father an alcholic of any kind or anything? My dad was, and I think it's because of that he was violent. But that's the most hurtful thing out of it all - you ask the questions, they never give you the answers.
For years, I was wondering 'why me?' when I have a younger brother in the house, ( but then again, my dad HATED him and wanted nothing to do with him anyway, so..) but he hurt me. I was already traumatized after watching him senselessly beat my mom until she was almost dead before my very eyes, but he added fuel to the fire, and this was after I forgave him. He knew I would. He could manipulate me and control me easily without a fight. Those fake tears and the 'I'm sorry, I'll never do it again's were enough to make me forgive him. However, he kept lieing to me and lieing to me, continuing until just 3 years ago. I get horrible flashbacks and I hear HIS voice in my head, repating everything he ever said to me. A person can only be lied to so much before they stop forgiving all-together. That's how I am, now. I don't know if you were that way with your step-father, but being manipulated and made to look like a fool is one of the most hurtful things that's happened to me..

Anyway, sorry I went into detail, there, lol. I just want to tell you that if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always PM me. I'm willing to help you through this.. I am in therapy right now, and I've only just started letting out my feelings.. but it's helping. *Hug* Take care.

 
Old 07-31-2006, 12:01 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,789
galinaqt HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

I was suggested to go to therapy for my problems and I believe I have ptsd and sexual abuse was one of it. I tried two people randomly from insurance list and was highly disappointed, ended up having more problems thanks to them. There help was just put all blame on me in addittion to shouting, insulting, bringing bad moods and personnal probolems and dumping them on me. I got some recommendations now but still feel scared to go.

 
Old 08-24-2006, 07:20 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 1,182
Dee-nah HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

I was sexual abused as well 3-8... Growing up I thought this was all my fault and I was worthless... I'm 32 now and I have no confidence what so ever. I get soooo angry that I let these people ruin my life.. I can't hold a relationship, I second guess everything.. I'm in therapy now and on medication Prozac 10mgs and Xanax 1mg. I'm hoping with talking about it and getting the help like I am I can enjoy what life I have left. This is probably one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. I try and tell myself I'm worth something but never being able to feel confidence for so long it's hard to do.. I suffer panic attacks when I'm in a social setting, I never felt like I belonged... Sometimes I feel like I will never break this cycle but If I think like that then I know I won't... I'm trying to be positive and reassure myself then i am worth a lot.. People are constantly telling me I'm a good person but I just don't see it... I'm in a relationship now and I want more then anything for it to work. He knows my situation, he knows how my mind works and for the most part he has been patient with me but I still have that feeling that I will sabotage it and he will leave.. All I ever wanted was someone to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay without thinking what does this person want from me... Does this person care about me or is he just telling me things I want to hear.. It's a never ending battle but one that I'm willing to fight....I can't live the rest of my life feeling this way.. Right now I'm pretty level headed but tomorrow could be a different story! I'm trying really hard and now that I've seen this message board and I'm reading about other peoples situations I know I'm not alone and I can pretty much talk about anything without being judged it's giving me some hope that I can beat this....

 
Old 08-24-2006, 10:46 PM   #7
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 8
Courage2Live HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

Hi Dee-nah and the other courageous souls that have posted on this thread

Deenah, your words were the ones I wrote a few years ago, about starting therapy, taking meds, facing the demons. Facing the demons was the scariest part. I asked my therapist "tell me this please, is the fear of remembering worse than what I will remember?" And he said yes. And he was right. Remembering the sexual abuse was so very painful. The nightmares that it came out in were horrible and disgusting. The time when it all came to a head and I had to deal with it or die (I felt that I would) was a living hell. But now...now I can very clearly see that I have healed tremendously because I faced the demons. Now I'm not saying I'm cured, but I am healed. More than I ever thought possible.
Facing the terrors of childhood once I was an adult and had my own freedom to set boundaries was the most powerful and healing tool imaginable. You are doing the right thing in getting support while you face the horrors you already survived. If you survived the hell of the past, then YOU CAN and WILL survive the process of healing/facing those awful truths from the past. We owe it to ourselves to allow the memories, pain, hurt and suffering to be acknowledged and to respect ourselves for surviving the hellish days of our childhood when we had no control. The control we have now is the key to unlocking the door of all that pain that we couldn't control. You won't ever be sorry for facing the fear and working to find your own healing. YOU owe it to yourself, and you are worth it. I only can see this now about myself because I did do the things it took to deal with the aftermath of the abuse. Its given me a new life and freedom from the past, and that's a gift only you can give yourself.
Keep up the hard work, its good work, and you won't be sorry. Even if it feels like hell right now, it IS WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT (and I know how hard that is to believe when you've been brainwashed into feeling unworthy) A big hug to all of us facing the pain and surviving so we can thrive...
Silver

 
Old 08-24-2006, 10:54 PM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 8
Courage2Live HB User
Smile Re: Sexual Abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by StephanieAnne
I can tell you that I have dealt with my PTSD and what I have received back it an entire new life, then in Dec 2004 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and if I had not worked thru all my pain, then the MS would have swallowed me whole and I would not be were I am now. I realized also that I have had depression my whole life and I like you would put on a happy face and be positive and happy and it was all apart of my mask that I wore. Now I am happy, relaxed, confident, content, and this is the life that I earned from all my pain.

Talking about it will make you feel better, finding a PTSD therapist who can work with you to really put it all to rest, may be the key to your new life.
I like to let my brain sort things out for me while I sleep and maybe that will work for you. I will give you any support to help you feel better.
Hi Stephanie-Anne...I was going to do one post response but yours just made me want to jump in with two...hope that's fine and dandy
I want to say that reading your words put a smile on my face because its a real gift to read the words of someone who has been there, done that and got the t-shirt, and then has words of encouragement for others that still haven't gotten the shirt (hehe)
You're right, a PTSD therapist is a MUST. I found the one that helped me the most also worked with me on my nightmares. I'd write them down and bring them in every time, and they were long, single spaced and full of things my subconscious had to say to me. He helped me tremendously to see the healing power of the awful things played out in my nightmares. Is that what you meant when you said "I like to let my brian sort things out for me while I sleep" I wonder? I totally identified with that! The nightmares crop up here and there still, but now I see them as helps (even though they are very emotional and getting the images out of my head is hard-I use a stuffed animal or something goofy like a Muppets picture.)
I hope that others in the earlier stages of facing the incredible pain and the scars that sexual abuse leaves on us can find some hope and encouragement in words like yours. I so appreciate your post, thank you.
Silver

 
Old 08-25-2006, 04:59 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 1,182
Dee-nah HB User
Re: Sexual Abuse

This board is great.. I've NEVER talked to anyone that was in the same situation as me... It's been a lonely world I've lived for so long, one that I hate... I did find out about a year ago that the people that did this to me (there is 3, friend of the family and his 2 cousins) 2 are in jail for drugs and the other one is dead. While I'm glad they are away It still brings me no closure! I often wonder if they even know how much they destroyed me??? I don't dwell on that but it does enter my mind. My main goal right now is to build up my confidence, it's so bad... If anyone gives me a compliment I can't take it,no one should feel that way.

I wish everyone on here the best of luck in there recovery from this awful not our fault situation! We all deserve better then this! I wish I found you guys a LONG time ago.... I was even excited to see if anyone would post after me this morning = ) Hope everyone has a GREAT DAY!

 
Old 09-19-2006, 12:14 PM   #10
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 258
Sehsun HB User
Thumbs up Re: Sexual Abuse

To Carolina and everyone else who posted:

You all are so brave to be able to tell someone else about your experience. It was definitely one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life (i.e., tell someone, or "break the silence" as people say). I think it's one of the best things that survivors can do....because then, it breaks the chain of having people keep it a secret. The more awareness we bring to the world, the more people we may have who tell their stories - so that others don't have to suffer in silence and keep the pain and confusion to themselves.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
sexual abuse luvmy3girls Rape / Sexual Abuse 7 01-15-2009 01:53 AM
Has anyone that survived Sexual abuse had a healthy relationship?? elatedgiraffe Rape / Sexual Abuse 2 11-05-2008 02:01 PM
False sexual abuse claims by autistic child autisticsis Mental Health 8 05-25-2007 12:04 PM
How to help girlfriend cope with childhood sexual abuse? David_002 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 6 03-09-2007 09:18 PM
Do you ever get over sexual abuse? dd annie Rape / Sexual Abuse 33 09-22-2006 08:06 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (4), jade680 (2), rosequartz (1), janewhite1 (1), JobuMel (1), danni46 (1), lbabylee (1), JamiJames123 (1), babyjane30 (1), Nyret (1)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:20 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!