Struggling alone, 2 years later (sry, possible date rape trigger) - Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board

tehnateman · 08-05-2006, 03:30 PM

Thanks for the replies, this was helpful.

- Here's to better days.

Intrigue50 · 08-07-2006, 03:44 PM

From my own viewpoint, I was turned off by your statement that posting in this board could be, in your own words, attention-whoring. People who post here have had their lives turned upside down by PTSD and its underlying causes, rape and sexual abuse. The fact that someone may be insincere and simply seeking attention is abhorrent to all of us.

That being said, it does sound as if you are truly struggling and, if that is indeed the case, I would like to express my sympathy for your pain. There are many other causes of PTSD than sexual abuse and the traumatic event you described could certainly be one. And finding a support group would be very difficult, I'm sure.

Some questions that might be helpful to ask yourself:

1. If you were truly without blame and declared innocent, from where does the self loathing come? For many of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes, self loathing was ingrained very early. Thereafter, incidents that bring about blame or condemnation only increase our self loathing and, indeed, confirm it. Self loathing didn't originate with your trauma and won't end there. It needs to be worked through.

2. If you are without blame, why does it matter to you what others think or say about you? Deeply ingrained co-dependency is usually the answer to that question (in my life and the life of many others I know). If we seek our worth and affirmation externally rather than internally, and it becomes unavailable from other people for whatever reason, we are devastated and have no way of returning to that place of self-acceptance. I would encourage you to get involved in CODA (Co-dependents Anonymous).

3. If talking about this issue and thereby decreasing its hold on you would prove helpful (and it definitely would), why are you avoiding it in therapy? I won't go into my thoughts of why you're doing that, but I know a therapist would be very aware of the reasons....and willing to help you move forward so you can address the trauma and find healing.

I hope you'll find the courage to finally face this issue headon and find the healing you so desperate seek, Nate. I truly wish you all the best.

Intrigue

galinaqt · 08-14-2006, 01:42 PM

I believe that it was not your fault but it doesn't matter for people as long as you involved in conflict both are guilty. I was on the other side of the fence being sexually harassed at work. I was blamed much more than person who did it.
Some people will be on your side, some against, some doesn't care. People can be against you not because you are guilty but because they have prejiduces or you have better car/house.
It is possible that you didn't open to therapists cause they don't want you to open but rather talk about some nonsense. It is also possible that you afraid to be judjed which they can very well do.
I had 2 bad apples in a row, one man and one women who put all fault on me.
If you really want to go to therapist you should go only by reference of another doctor or somebody you trust not by insurance list. Insurance doesn't have any responsibility for there quality and they can say that they fly to the moon to get a job.