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Old 08-13-2006, 08:00 PM   #1
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Beyondthesky37 HB User
Sexual abuse

My husband was raped on several occasions by his cousin from the time he was ten until he was twelve. His cousin is about ten years older than him. My husband told his mother who then told his grandparents and his cousin's mother. Well they confronted the cousin and when it was denied they did nothing about it. This obviously has really caused major problems for my husband. The dilema I now face is my Dh's cousin now has a stepson and a newborn son. I'm worried about those children. Is it my place to say something since I have no proof? My husband has never fully healed because nothing was ever done. Meanwhile all of my husbands family members sit by and say nothing. I know if I do say something I will probably be almost kicked out of my husbands family which I know isn't the big issue. I have no idea how to even go about reporting this kind of thing since it was over eight years ago. Should I report it myself or talk the children's mother or what? Who should I report it to. Can I report it since it's been so long since it occured?

 
Old 08-14-2006, 07:21 AM   #2
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Re: Sexual abuse

Tough one. You could report it anonymously as an allegation to child protective services. They would check out the household, and interview the children.
Check with your state's attorney general, to see if it is too late for your husband to press charges.

 
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Old 08-14-2006, 10:23 AM   #3
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Re: Sexual abuse

Do as the above poster states -- talk to your attorney general. And, I'd also consider mentioning this to the child's mother. But, she'll probably take it really defensively. So, your best bet is probably have the authorities intervene. I'd be very concerned about those children, too. Usually, that type of behavior cannot be surpressed without lengthy therapy and rehab, and even then it's unlikely.

 
Old 08-14-2006, 01:35 PM   #4
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Beyond -- my sympathy for the pain you and your husband are going through. While all states have a statute of limitations regarding sexual abuse charges [deleted], I agree with the other forum members that your State authorities might be willing to interview the children at a minimum.

While I am concerned about the cousin's children, I am also very concerned about your husband. Has he had any type of counseling at all? You mentioned he has had significant problems surrounding the molestation, which is of course quite normal. Unfortunately, those problems never really disappear unless they are dealt with. The symptoms might be pushed underground for many years, but they affect our lives and, often times, destroy them if healing does not occur. Having experienced sexual molestation personally, I understand how very important it is to receive counseling in order to heal. I would urge your husband to find a good therapist which whom he is able to work through the issues that still plague him.

Please keep us informed and know you are in our prayers.

Intrigue

Last edited by Mod-S4; 08-15-2006 at 06:09 PM. Reason: Posting commercial web sites is not allowed.

 
Old 08-14-2006, 02:00 PM   #5
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Re: Sexual abuse

There is a lot of wisdom in the last post.
If your husband's motive is revenge, this helps no one.
Therapy helped me get over abuse a great deal. I talked with my state's attorney general, and they were interested in pursuing even though the abuse took place decades ago.

 
Old 08-14-2006, 09:36 PM   #6
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Re: Sexual abuse

Thank you for all you replies. My husband isn't the one who really even thought of this and I just asked him about it briefly so revenge isn't the motive. When I talked to him about whether we should turn his cousin into the authorities he said it sounded like a good idea but he hasn't said anything more about it. My husband has been to a couple of counselors but they weren't very good ones so now he's been against the idea of counseling. He has been talking about seeing a counselor because he's been very depressed lately. I know his past has a lot to do with it. I've been encouraging to see a counselor and I'm praying he will. I just know that sexual abusers often keep abusing especially since he had no consequences the last time. My only motive is to make sure those children are safe. I know personally how this has hurt my husband and I don't want anyone else to have to endure that. Especially since I might be able to help keep these kids from that. It's just really been bothering me and my instincts tell me I should do something.

Last edited by Beyondthesky37; 08-14-2006 at 09:36 PM.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 07:25 AM   #7
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Re: Sexual abuse

Trust your instincts. It sounds to me like you want to do all the right things, for all the right reasons. Good luck in getting your husband to open up, to someone.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 03:41 PM   #8
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Re: Sexual abuse

Is it possible for him to see a psychologist rather than just a counsellor? He may have to still shop around though and professionals understand that the patient therapist relationship is a very personal one. I went to a couple of “counsellors” and one psychologist who weren’t much help. You have to find the right therapist for you. Psychologists can use other methods like rapid eye movement therapy (to deal with past traumas) that work better for some men than just talking. I found rapid eye movement therapy (EDMA) very helpful when I was dealing with my deep-seated anger about my circumcision. I knew rationally that I should just put it behind me but I couldn’t do that. The EDMA wasn’t a complete cure but it did bring the hurt levels down to levels where I could get on with my life.
Geoff

 
Old 08-18-2006, 02:44 AM   #9
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Re: Sexual abuse

I agree with Geoff, you really have to shop, shop and shop some more if you aren't happy with the counsellors you are seeing. Some of them are so hopeless that i feel i could do a better job. While dealing with my marital breakdown a counsellor told me that i ought to buy a bikini and go and sit at the crowded end of the beach in an attempt to pick up some casual dates and that my problems would be fixed. Sheesh, with help like that........

I do think it's wonderful though that your husband has such a caring and supportive wife like you and it's good for him to get help sooner than later. I can't really advise you regarding his cousin, but whether the authorities do anything about the cousin or not, your husband still needs to get some form of therapy as depression and unresolved issues can turn into more serious things.

 
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