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Old 09-08-2006, 04:13 PM   #1
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youngmom_2 HB User
past sexual abuse

When I was eight years old my biological father came back into my life. At first it was okay but after staying at his house I noticed things weren't normal. He began watching me take showers, making me sleep in bed with him, watching me get dressed, and would get upset if I locked the door when I went to the bathroom. He never touched me underneath clothes but I was always uncomfertable around him. I never told anyone and after about two years he bailed again. Well... I have two questions about it... 1) should I tell my mother even though he will never be a part of my life again? I am 20 years old now and she still has no clue. Only a couple of people do. 2) why is it that I still want to talk to him? I don't get it. He is a disgusting man but I still want to find him and talk to him one more time. I don't even know what I would say. This is very confusing to me. I need advice and some opinion, please.

 
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Old 09-08-2006, 06:45 PM   #2
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Location: Dover Tennessee
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emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: past sexual abuse

I was molested by some teens on a school bus when I was in the first grade. I never spoke of it for fear of what would happen and didn't tell my mother till I was in my thirties. I didn't get the support I had hoped for but I did get a sense of relief that I was not alone with this either. Now I don't hide in shame from it and I am not pointing a finger at you. I think if you feel that need to tell then do so just be prepared that her reaction might be different then what you expect if you have any expectations at all. My mom was like why are you telling me this now? Her attitude was one of almost disbelief and boredom. I don't know how your mom will react just an fyi is all. Secondly though I do not know from first knowledge I have heard that is normal regardless of his actions he is still your dad. There is that need to sort of have that father daughter relationship regardless of what happened. Many people who were abused as a child say well this is what happened but I need them to love me or love them because they are Mom or Dad. It is hard to separate those feelings of digust with the feelings a lot of people hold for their parents. Have you thought about a support group of any kind? There you will meet people who have been in similar experiences who might be able to offer more emotional and mental support. I am not saying don't tell mom. It is hard to say if for you that would be a good thing or not. Though I would give her a chance. I hope it goes well for you and you let us know how things are.

Emerald

 
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Old 09-20-2006, 09:08 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 259
Sehsun HB User
Post Re: past sexual abuse

I am sorry that he did this to you. I think you should tell your mother - only if you want to tell her. Make sure no one is making you do this. Something like this deserves being told to someone you can trust, even if you may never see him again. I'm not sure why some people still want to see the person who abused them. A little while after I was abused, I wanted to keep seeing "him" and liked it when he was around.....I always wondered, why did I feel like that after he did that to me? Back then, who knows, since I was really young. After I realized that what he did to me was sexual abuse, I have never seen him again....and don't think I ever will. I hope things turns out okay, keep us posted.

 
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