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Old 12-22-2006, 08:53 PM   #1
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Question Does rape steal virginity?

Despite encouraging words from friends, my therapist and my psychiatrist, I've never felt like a virgin. I was raped at 4, but haven't had sex since then. I feel like damaged goods. When the flashbacks started in 1999, I instantly considered myself damaged goods. No longer the virgin I thought I was. My world fell apart.

I've never felt like I had that chaste gift, even when I couldn't remember everything. I'm 34, but it's as important to me now as it always has been. I want to be a virgin. I feel like it was stolen and I didn't even get the chance to give it away. I feel dirty, trashy and worthless.

I had no control over the taking of something that belonged to me. No one cared. But I do. And I still do. So much hinges on the importance of my sense of purity, not just a label. I may never feel comfortable becoming romantically involved with someone, but I'd like to think I still have something special to offer.

 
Old 12-22-2006, 09:08 PM   #2
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Red Five I am sure you have loads and loads to offer.

You have such a sense of decency and to me, everything about you is pure.

I consider you still a virgin and you sound like a beautiful human being

 
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Old 12-22-2006, 09:34 PM   #3
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

LMS, my eyes are full of tears. Thanks so much. Your kind words are priceless. I'll be reading your post over and over. Your sentiment means more than you know.

Nikki

 
Old 12-22-2006, 10:50 PM   #4
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Nikki,

Unfortunately I can't change how you feel about yourself, but from the opinion I have formed from your post, you are way more worthy and pure than you give yourself credit for.

There really isn't one trashy element about you.

When/if my son marries, I would be delighted if he found a girl with such high morals as you.

You choose who you give your virginity to, and you haven't chosen that lucky man yet.

Take care and be kind to your lovely self.

 
Old 12-22-2006, 11:17 PM   #5
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Dear red_five,

As you have read, you are still a virgin in all of our eyes. The rules change for minors and I am willing to go all the way to the Supreme Court with my stance.

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
Old 12-23-2006, 07:22 AM   #6
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Redfive, I think that many rape victims feel trashy, dirty and worthless because this was how you were treated. These boys were not thinking of your worth or your value when they were ****** you. They were only thinking of themselves. You are VERY valuable and through your writings I can see that you are such a wonderful person who has SO MUCH to offer. This is something that you can work on so that you can feel that you are valuable. A therapist told me once to write a message to myself and then read it out loud several times every day until I believed it. I wrote "I am a valuable person". I think that after a week I believed it. (After I typed the above word it was ******out?)

Last edited by Sannah; 12-23-2006 at 07:23 AM.

 
Old 12-23-2006, 09:54 AM   #7
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LMS1306
When/if my son marries, I would be delighted if he found a girl with such high morals as you.
You choose who you give your virginity to, and you haven't chosen that lucky man yet.
Take care and be kind to your lovely self.
I've got that lump in my throat again. Of all the threads I've started on this board with my questions, this subject has always been the most upsetting. Your beautiful words mean so much to me, especially that you'd be glad for your son to find a girl like me.

And your statement, "You choose who you give your virginity to, and you haven't chosen that lucky man yet," will ring in my head for the rest of my life. Thank you so much. You're a special person.

Big hugs,

Nikki

 
Old 12-23-2006, 10:00 AM   #8
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by forthemasses
...you are still a virgin in all of our eyes. The rules change for minors and I am willing to go all the way to the Supreme Court with my stance.
Wow. That's a powerful sentiment, FTM, and it fills me up in a way I can't put into words. No one has ever been there to take up for me like that, and getting that here, 30 years later, is almost as big as it would have been then.

Thanks a billion times. You're a great guy.

Nikki

 
Old 12-24-2006, 06:18 AM   #9
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Dear red,

Rape will only take your virginity if you allow it to. By feeling that your are dirty, and worthless, you are only giving power over to the act. No one can TAKE something from us unless we allow it. Yes you were raped, at the age of 4... You had no control over that. But you are a woman now, and and can give of yourself (through your mind) to any man that finally warms your heart. I truly hope that you find that man, and he warms your heart. You were raped, but you need to stop punishing yourself for something that you had no control over. Allow yourself to be loved fully, for the beautiful woman that you are. You deserve to have a relationship with LIFE!!!!!!


Hugs,

Sid

Last edited by stick2013; 12-24-2006 at 06:19 AM.

 
Old 12-24-2006, 07:44 AM   #10
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by red_five
You're a great guy.

Nikki

Nah, just one of the good ones .

Take care
God Bless
FTM

 
Old 12-24-2006, 08:47 AM   #11
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

FTM,

That you are.......One of the good ones......


Sid

 
Old 12-24-2006, 10:34 AM   #12
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Nikki, wasn't sure if you saw what I posted yesterday morning since it was at the top of the next page (because you always answer everyone back individually!). I didn't want you to miss out on the technique that I described if you think that it might help!

 
Old 12-24-2006, 01:48 PM   #13
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Nikki, wasn't sure if you saw what I posted yesterday morning since it was at the top of the next page (because you always answer everyone back individually!). I didn't want you to miss out on the technique that I described if you think that it might help!
I didn't miss it. I replied, but I kept getting a message that I hadn't logged in. The message kept appearing, so I left the page, hoping things would work themselves out later.

I'm definitely going to try the technique. I already know it's going to be a challenge because I don't ever say anything aloud, even to myself. I'm going to have to work up the courage, but it's an excellent suggestion.

Thanks so much for the advice and kind words. I always look forward to seeing your username in my threads.

Nikki

Last edited by hergy; 12-24-2006 at 01:49 PM.

 
Old 12-24-2006, 01:57 PM   #14
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stick2013
Rape will only take your virginity if you allow it to. By feeling that your are dirty, and worthless, you are only giving power over to the act. No one can TAKE something from us unless we allow it....You were raped, but you need to stop punishing yourself for something that you had no control over.
Thanks, Sid. I've got to work on that one. Feeling powerful seems to be something far away for me. I do punish myself and do a lot of things, physically and emotionally, to give myself that discipline.

I want to know, not just think, that no one could take something from me. I'm working on it. I really am. Your suggestions are extremely valuable to me.

Thanks and lots of hugs,

Nikki

 
Old 12-26-2006, 04:58 PM   #15
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Re: Does rape steal virginity?

I know how you feel when you talk about feeling worthless, dirty, etc, but no, rape does NOT take your virginity away. That is something that only you have to give. I know all the arguments about the physical side of it......blah blah blah....but there is so much more to virginity/purity/giving yourself to someone...no one can take that away, even by the horrid force that some pour out on others...I hope that you can find that you did nothing wrong, you did not give yourself away, and there is still a part of you that you will choose to give to someone some day that is still very much yours.........keep searching and

 
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