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Old 01-26-2007, 11:37 PM   #1
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Was I raped?

I had no idea what board to post this on. I'm really sorry, Mods, but I couldn't figure out what board this topic should go on. I'm just so confused and upset. I won't go into detail but basically I went home with this guy and he invited me up. I said yes and he kissed me and i let him. But things got going on way too fast and I remember saying no and that it didn't feel right, but he kept doing it. I wasn't drunk and there were no roofies. I was completely sober.

I went to the hospital and got a rape kit done. They gave me an arsenol of antibiotics and plan B. I decided not to press charges. Not yet anyway. I guess I'm in denial or something. I knew him and I never thought he would have let things go so far. I mean maybe he misunderstood me. I don't know. I shouldn't have gone there in the first place. Was I really raped or did I just make a stupid mistake?

 
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Old 01-27-2007, 12:02 AM   #2
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Re: Was I raped?

If you said no and he didn't listen, it's rape. I can't even imagine what you're going through. Obviously it was incredibly smart of you to go to the hospital for the rape kit and plan B, but that certainly doesn't take care of the emotional effects that I'm sure you're dealing with.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. The best thing that you can do is to find people who will support you and be there for you. I had a friend who was raped a couple of years ago by a close friend and that was what she said helped her get through it. That, and finding people who had gone through the same thing when she was ready to talk about it.

Once again, it's so terrible that you've had to go through this and I hope that things get a little bit easier for you soon.

 
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Old 01-27-2007, 03:49 AM   #3
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Re: Was I raped?

Hi,
Hi there.I am sorry to hear about this.
Do you mind me asking ..did you say no the once? and did you try to walk out or get him off you?

xmex

 
Old 01-27-2007, 08:05 AM   #4
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Re: Was I raped?

"I remember saying no and that it didn't feel right, but he kept doing it.

That sounds like he was already in & performing before you said no. That makes it a hard case to prove rape because you just didn't like it. Not many men will stop at that point with a weak noooooh.

 
Old 01-27-2007, 10:06 AM   #5
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Re: Was I raped?

You need to talk to someone at a rape crisis center or a help line. They know the laws and all that stuff. You haven't given us nearly enough info to make that kind of legal distinction, and besides, we aren't law experts.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Even if you don't persue any legal action, you should get some councelling and the rape crisis center people will be able to tell you who to talk to.

Good luck.

 
Old 01-27-2007, 11:22 AM   #6
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Re: Was I raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzybee View Post
Hi,
Hi there.I am sorry to hear about this.
Do you mind me asking ..did you say no the once? and did you try to walk out or get him off you?

xmex
He was groping me and then he said "lets have sex". I told him I didn't want to so he started fingering me. I grabbed his hand and tried to make him stop but he kept on doing it. When I told him "no" and "stop" and "this doesn't feel right" he just kept saying "hold on" and kept going.

 
Old 01-27-2007, 12:35 PM   #7
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Re: Was I raped?

it sounds like you may have been raped, i will probably get boos for saying this but sometimes jsut because a girl says no doesnt mean she was raped, ive said no maybe i shouldnt, and still ended up having sex.. but thats because i was playing hard to get.. but considering you tried to move his hand and told him to stop.. you did tell him to stop right? was he forceful, what happend when he left?? rape doesnt have to be from a stranger.. and it doesnt matter if you are sober if you made it clear you did not want this it was rape! sometimes girls are scared, but they do want it, and thats why they might try and make it seem like you werent, but if you went to the hospital and felt right away when you were done that you didnt want any of this, then yes you were raped, and im so sorry you went through this!!!

 
Old 01-27-2007, 04:03 PM   #8
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Re: Was I raped?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saraw08 View Post
He was groping me and then he said "lets have sex". I told him I didn't want to so he started fingering me. I grabbed his hand and tried to make him stop but he kept on doing it. When I told him "no" and "stop" and "this doesn't feel right" he just kept saying "hold on" and kept going.
This does sound like a pretty clear case of date rape to me. If you kept saying no and stop and tried to fight him off you but he overpowered you, and forced you to do something you were saying no to, then this was rape. I agree, speak to a rape crisis counselor immediately. I'm also very sorry this happened to you.

 
Old 01-27-2007, 05:08 PM   #9
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Re: Was I raped?

You specifically told him to stop and you said no. He continued. You said stop and no. He didn't stop. That is rape. End of story.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 02:33 AM   #10
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Re: Was I raped?

Hi,
Yeah thats what i mean ..they could argue it that you didnt make it clear. I have had this before where i have said no but ive thought back and maybe i should have pushed him off or screamed it lol
Anyway good luck on things and if you feel you have been raped then go and seek advice x
xmex

 
Old 01-28-2007, 11:31 AM   #11
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Re: Was I raped?

I too am so, so sorry you had to endure such a horrible experience and are now having to deal with the emotional issues it left behind.

It really distresses me that you say "Maybe he misunderstood..". How can anyone misunderstand the work "NO"?? He didn't misunderstand you sweetie, he ignored your protests! Please do not allow yourself to feel guilty, or that this is in any way your fault. It's not. This is his fault.

It doesn't matter if you have known this guy your entire life, if you said "no" and he continued, then he raped you.

I agree with the others that you were very wise to go to the hospital. Many women wouldn't be brave enough to do so. This is what many guys count on when they are forcing a woman to have sex with them. They count on the fact that the woman will be too scared, or too ashamed to seek help. Please, do not allow this guy to victimize you any further. If he raped you, he deserves to have charges brought against him.

Please do try and find support to help get you through this, and again, please do not allow yourself to feel that this is in any way your fault because that just further allows you to feel vicitimized. I wish you the very best of luck in working through this terrible ordeal. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

Last edited by ozzybug; 01-28-2007 at 11:32 AM.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 07:20 PM   #12
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Re: Was I raped?

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm talking to the investigator tomorrow morning. I basically want to know if there have been reports filed on him in the past. If there has then I might pursue this, but if not I probably won't pursue it. He didn't beat me or anything and having some DA question my sexual habits and accuse me of being a **** will hurt me more in the long run I think.

I'm gonna get some counseling and follow up with my doctor. He didn't use a condom so I'm probably gonna get tested in a couple months. I think all the antibiotics they gave me caused a yeast infection. Guh.

This sucks. But I'll be okay. Thanks you guys.

 
Old 01-29-2007, 06:26 PM   #13
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Re: Was I raped?

Not all rapists are strangers who grab you off the street, pull you in a dark alley, beat you and rape you. Not all rapists do it when you are drunk, drugged, or passed out. Rapists are people that you know, the guy next door, and friends. They are people who keep going even after you say No. No means no. You were raped. Don't let him get away with it.

 
Old 01-29-2007, 08:45 PM   #14
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Re: Was I raped?

How old are you? was this your first time?
It sounds like maybe you werent forceful enough in getting the point across. but since none of us were there we really dont know what really happened.
All I can say is think this thru before you bring charges. if you could have stopped it but didnt and now feel remorseful, you will ruin this mans life.
The fact that you have to ask if you were raped or not makes me question this. Unless I was drugged I would know if I was raped or not. I would know that if i did everything i could to stop this from happening then it would be rape. If you really tried really hard to get him to stop (not just a weak no)and he didnt then charges need to be brought on him. you might have been saying no but your body may have been giving him another signal and he thought you werent serious.
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:50 PM   #15
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Re: Was I raped?

if you said no to the intercourse and yes to the foreplay and he did force you to have intercourse? without your consent then thats rape even if you did not try to fight him off you thats still Rape.
remember a male penis has to penatrate the vagina(up to one inch) to be consider Rape.

however he invited you up to his apt and you said yes then '' maybe''to him that yes meant that you would go all the way, thats kinda how I would have taken it, but in the heat of passion a girl tells me ''NO'' with authority then yeah thats when I back off.
get mad and just leave, happens a lot.
if you love this guy then why would you want to press charges?

 
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