I was hanging out with some friends one day when a much older man. I was about 22 and he was in his 30s. He got me very drunk but in a way I wanted to have sex but ONLY WITH PROTECTION. I was lying in bed and he decided to have sex with me and I didn't even notice until I looked down and he wasn't using a condom. I was angry and left and he got mad at me and starting yelling at me. Is this considered rape. I didn't want to have sex with him unless he used a condom and he went without my wishes. I'm still crying about it and I don't know what to do.
if you told him no at any point before or during and he kept going then yes. if thats not the case i wold say you wernt raped because you did concent to it you just requseted it wore protection and he was just as *** hole.
i hope your ok. take the morning after pill if you are not on the pill.
No, I told him BEFORE we were going to have sex. Then AFTER I realized he was having sex with me without my consent. I did not tell him NO during sex. I said NO before sex.
So are you saying that you got into bed with this man, he tried to initiate sex, you told him no, not without a condem and then passed out... only to wake up to find him penetrating you without a condem? Is this what happened?
does "he got me drunk" mean he purposely made you drink more than you wanted/tricked you into drinking more than you wanted/slipped something in your drink, or does it just mean he bought you drinks and you willfully drank them?
If you were so drunk that it took you awhile to realize you were having sex without a condom, how sure are you that you communicated to him that you didn't want to do it unless he wore protection? Sex feels very different with a condom than without, so it seems odd that it would take you awhile to realize. Like, perhaps you didn't quite say no, but had second thoughts after thinking about what you were doing...?
To me, this sounds irresponsible on your part, and the guy is a scumbag, but not rape. I think it's one of those life lessons you learn the hard way.
At the very least, it sounds like you were taken advantage of. Your boundaries were not respected. If you told him, 'yes, but only with a condom', then he should have respected that. Also, I agree with chevy that if you passed out and he had sex with you, that's totally wrong. In fact, that is rape, no doubt about it. I was date raped before and I was not drinking or intoxicated at all. I said, 'no', even screamed it, and he didn't stop. But, if you're passed out, you can't say, 'no'. Even if you're not passed out but incoherent to the point of almost passing out, it's still wrong.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-28-2007 at 05:04 PM.
Reason: Response to deleted question removed.
If you say no at any point that is rape - either way this is traumatic I am sure, and kinda felt out of your control at least. I would recommend talking to a counselor about it and get STD/pregnancy tests just to be sure. So sorry!
This is why it's a very VERY bad idea to lose control or get drunk at parties or at the houses of people you don't know very very well. This world is filled with scum just waiting to take advantage of you and you just make it easy for them when you get drunk or otherwise lose control of yourself and don't have the ability to defend yourself. From a legal standpoint, I would guess this is a tricky one. I'm NOT giving legal advice at all, but from what I understand, if you were so drunk that you were incapcitated, then you lacked the capacity to consent and therefore it was rape, but you did get up as soon as you discovered he wasn't using a condom, so an argument could be made that you could have gotten up and walked away at any time during the act. You consented to the act of sex, but gave the condition of a condom, but then failed to watch him put one on. You just trusted him to put one on, which isn't a good idea, especially if you're with someone you don't know. But regardless of the legalities of it, I do believe you were violated to some degree and I don't blame you for feeling violated. Whether you choose to press criminal charges, you should talk to a rape crisis counselor, and definitely get checked for STDs.
I was hanging out with some friends one day when a much older man. I was about 22 and he was in his 30s. He got me very drunk but in a way I wanted to have sex but ONLY WITH PROTECTION. I was lying in bed and he decided to have sex with me and I didn't even notice until I looked down and he wasn't using a condom. I was angry and left and he got mad at me and starting yelling at me. Is this considered rape. I didn't want to have sex with him unless he used a condom and he went without my wishes. I'm still crying about it and I don't know what to do.
If he had sex with you and you did not let him it is rape. If you let with protection but he did not use it IS rape. don't let your "survivor's guilt" get a hold of you.
