I had had consentual sex with my boyfriend before. But on september 20th I got very very drunk and met him at church and I dont remember anything from the rest of that night until I was already almost home. I have bits and peices of memory, like him saying your gonna have my baby and walking down the street with him but not much. I drank on my own he was completely 100% sober. The next day he told me that we had sex and he kinda figured I wouldn't remember. I didn't expect that. It was the first time of our 8 months of having sex that we didn't use protection. I always made sure he used protection. And from that I got pregnant. I am now 6 and a half months pregnant with his baby. He told me in the beginning that I had no choice but to have an abortion because no one could no what had went on etc. Although I didn't remember making my son, I couldn't abort him. My ex has decieded to have nothing to do with the baby he made while i was blacked out. We are both under 18. Can someone help me? I feel like it was rape since I dont remember anything and I am now pregnant with his child which he isnt helping with. But I need another opinion.
Last edited by 1confusedgrl; 03-12-2007 at 08:47 PM.
You can go to the police and talk to them but chances are they might not do anything. The reaosn I say that is you waited this long and just now thinking it over. Also since he is now your ex they could see it as revenge for him not staying with you.
Go to the local planned parenthood clinic and talk to them. Make sure you are getting the proper health care. You should seek legal advice as well since he is the father he has to take care of the child whether he wants to or not. So go get that paperwork started for child support.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Unfortunately, since it has been so long, the police will look at your situation as a "he said, she said" sort of thing. And I agree with Blastoff9600- the police may just think that you are trying to get revenge on your ex.
The best thing that you can do right now is take care of yourself and be concerned with caring for your baby. Your ex is responsible for helping and paying child support. Do his parents now about the baby? If not, they should be notified. Since he is a minor, they will probably have some responsibilty to make sure he holds up his end. Plus, this is their grandchild. They might want to be a part of the baby's life.
Good luck sweetie. It is a tough road that you are on, but not an impossible one. Even with a baby, your life can still be whatever you make of it. You will have to work harder and be more determined than other kids your age, but you CAN do it.
thank you for your advice. im getting pre-natal care and making sure my son is okay. i just feel sometimes like even though i love him...it mite be hard to care about a baby that i didnt want to make. but thanks.
I didn't want to tell my mom that i was drunk and didnt remember anything. and my ex told me once the babys born if i bring it up he will bring up that i used to drink before i got pregnant, and they wouldnt let the baby be with me. but i've come to realize thats not important since i havent since ive been pregnant. and now thats its getting closer to my due date im seeing it a little bit harder to love my baby as much as i can even though he was made without my concent or memory or willingness. thanks for your advice
Have you thought about putting the baby up for adoption? There is nothing wrong with that choice. You can go to an adoption agency, and choose an open adoption, which means that the adopting family allows you to still be a part of the baby's life. There are actually a lot of people waiting to adopt who would agree to an open adoption, if that is what you want. I understand what you are saying about not knowing if you could truly love your baby because of the circumstance of his conception. It shows great maturity that you are thinking that far ahead. You may find that those feelings change after he is born, and you see him and hold him for the first time.
I am so sorry to hear that your ex's parents don't want to be a part of their grandchild's life. How are your parents dealing with your pregnancy?
I wish the best for you.
Last edited by moderator2; 03-13-2007 at 02:20 PM.
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I also think that maybe you should seek out some help from a rape counselor. Your situation is in kind of a gray area, but if you feel like you didn't have a choice when you had sex, then you need to speak to someone who can help you through those feelings. Being intoxicated doesn't mean you consented. Unfortunately you don't remember whether or not you did. If your ex was a decent human being, he wouldn't have touched you when you were THAT intoxicated. Being a horny teenager isn't an excuse.
yes his parents know, and they dont want him to have anything to do with me or my baby
His parents are iresponsible as well. No wonder he turn out to be like that.
Forget about all of them.
Once your baby is born.........him and his stupid family will come around. They always do. I know someone that was in a very similar situation as you. She had her baby at the age of only 15 yrs.(now...that is tough!!)...anyway...didn't even bother coming to her delivery. Until the baby was like around 5 months old....the parents and him...wants the baby now. Which is a little too late.
anyway...since she was so young...and still going to school. She gave in....now they all help take care of the baby.
Yeah...I know you don't want the baby...But, Do you honestly have the heart to give your child away? I can't.
Yeah...I know you don't want the baby...But, Do you honestly have the heart to give your child away? I can't.
Giving a child up for adoption can be an act of love also. Many young girls and women have made that very difficult choice, because they loved their child and felt that another family could provide a better life.
This is a very sad situation that it took place like it did and I'm so sorry! But honey, we all make mistakes and don't let this guy scear you into doing something you will regret later on. Have you told your parents that you were drinking that night and you don't remember what took place? Maybe you should and see what your parents think would be best for you. The boy and his parents not wanting him to have anything to do with you just shows how low they can be, but if you had his baby, you can bet they would come around and be grandparents and he might try and be a Dad to this baby! Them telling you they will take this baby away from you, don't even let that bother you. It is VERY hard for a Mother to lose her rights to her child and you drinking that night I don't think would hold any ground to them taking your baby away. Just think, this baby is part of you too! Good luck with what ever choice you choose to make and take care of yourself also!
What you are going through is so much more common than you might think.
First: yes it was rape. It was not consensual, in the sense that you were not in your right mind, and he knew that.
Second: it is not too late to handle it in a legal manner, if you want to.
Now, for some advice...
Call a rape hotline. If you don't know one, here's one:
NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
Last year I called one that had an 800 number that wasn't even in my state, because I liked their website, and it seemed compassionate. I was calling to get some help from a counselor, about how to deal with my family. See, my sister was sexually abused years ago, by her brother, and my family will not deal with this in a reasonable manner. They just want her to "get over it."
So, here it was, all these years later, and I needed advice, and I called, and the counselor talked with me, anonymously, for about an hour. It was SO helpful.
Call. You really need to talk to someone. The Internet is useful, but it isn't the same as hearing a kind voice on the other end, giving you advice, and listening to you for real.
And about the boy and his family...they are dirt. The boy probably told his parents some lies about you to help them take his side, but that doesn't matter. How could they take his side, knowing he created a baby, and doesn't want anything to do with it. Who knows what a family like that will do. I am so sorry you had to have such a terrible experience with such people.
Call the hotline. Get some help. You have a lot you need to work out. No matter if you keep the baby or give it up for adoption, both decisions are enormous. And no matter what anyone tells you, you do not have to give up the baby, nor do you have to keep it. And you do NOT have to decide that immediately. Even if you have the baby, and breast feed it for some weeks, because that is good for the baby, you can still give it up for adoption, if after some weeks you just *know* you can't go through with this.
But none of these decisions are something a teenager should have to make without help from someone trained in these issues. There are tons of people out there waiting to help people like you, for free. Let them help you.
And you can look online to find more numbers than just the one I posted above. That one is often busy, and you have to wait a long time. When I called, I chose a place I thought would be more "quiet" and it was.
Write back when you have called (or if you need more courage to call) and post an update.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. However it is not that child's fault. If for any reason you feel that you cannot love or care for this child the way a mother should maybe you should consider adoption. I have seen so many mothers (young and older) that could use some good parenting classes. I work in a school and it breaks my heart to see so many small children coming from a home with no love or guidance. You can see it in their eyes, their behavior, and overall personality. It makes me so sad to see them and I wish I could take them all home with me and give them a better life.
Adoption is not something ugly. You are a better person for knowing that your child deserves better if you cannot provide the emotional support that this child will need.
On the other hand...you can change your mind once you have this baby. You might be young but that does not mean you will end up a bad mother. I have seen single young moms that are awesome with their kids.
My story: I was a party animal. Nothing could tame my butt. Not even my bf at the time. I was awful. Then one day I found out I was pg. I aborted and it was the worse desicion I had ever made. I still live with that nightmare. Sadly and irresponsibly a yr later I got pg again. This time I kept the baby. The birth of her changed my life completely. My bf and I got married about a month after birth and 5 months later I was pg again with our second child. I never thought I could be a good mother. I had no confidence but I surprised myself. It feels good to hear teachers and other parents comment on how good of a parent I am. I gave up my career to raise them and that was something I swore I would never do.
Now I am your typical PTA mom and always up at the school volunteering. I could not be any happier in my life right now. And it did not turn out the way I had planned for it to.
Not all mom's are lucky to not have to work but I have seen working moms pull miracles for their children. My bestfriend is a single working mom and I really admire her for the many accomplishments she has made for herself and her daughter.
If you can..get some counseling and take it one day at a time to make any decisions concerning this child.
here's a big hug honey. Look, i've been assulted. it really doesnt matter how long a go it was, but the longer you wait to report him the harder it will be to get anything done if you are wanting him brought to justice. Sweeti, do your parents, know how you concieved? has he threatend you or this baby. i'm so proud you you that you decided to keep this child. i'm also very glad that your parents are at least helping you. as for the father, well he will have to account for his actions sooner or later. life is a very small circle. if he doesnt want to particpate, fine, but that child has rights, that child has the right to be protected from that type of person and those types of people. that child has the right to be taken care of, and it has the right you. yes you. you are so very important. that means that you have the chance to be a good example even though you didnt make the right choices before this happened. my daugher was a result of an assult. she's 4 now. she even looks like him. i had him convicted a year after my daughter was born because when he found out that i had a baby as a result of his actions, he wanted joint custody. it wont be easy, and i felt ashamed because i knew him and we had slept together too. it wasn't easy, and i wont tell you that. i got married and i told my husband what happend and he was so suportive. we have children together and he loves my daughter as if we had made her. i have never had any alchoholic beverage ever. when i was assulted i was in my own house and i had just broken up with him a week earlier. he asked to come in and when i let him in he started to hit me and say that i was still his and that he can do what ever he wants to me. i was scared, and i unfortunately remember everything, even the comercial that was on the radio. it was short, but it felt like it lasted forever, and when he was finished, he actually wanted to cuddle. in his mind he had done nothing wrong. he felt entitled. dont let your ex feel the same way. if you feel it was rape, then report it. May God bless you with reprive and solice (amin)
First: yes it was rape. It was not consensual, in the sense that you were not in your right mind, and he knew that.
Was that the first time that you ever blacked out? I've had friends that blacked out while drinking and I would never have known that they weren't in their right mind if not for them telling me that they remembered next to nothing of the night. Not to belittle what you're feeling, just suggsting that maybe it was consensual at the time and you don't remember? Good luck.
I am sorry what has happened to you.
ok i have a story to tell you but i wasn't raped by him. I was 17 years old and i was with a guy witch is now my ex i got pregnant by him and then he left me and went to drugs...i never thought i could ever raise a child on my own when i was 4 an half months pg i met a guy witch i now call my husband he has helped me and is raising my son as if he had got me pg...and now my son is a year old my ex is trying to get custody well joint custody of him and like my laywer told me it is very hard for anyone to get custody of a child from its mom...i know my friend and she was going to give her baby up when she had it but when she seen it and held it for the first time she changed her mom and she is the best mom in the world she never thought she could love him but she does......another thang my dad has something to do with rap and he said you need to go and tell the police about what happened cause it ain't to late...i wish you luck and keep me posted
Last edited by moderator2; 03-15-2007 at 01:05 PM.
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