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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 06-08-2007, 01:26 PM   #1
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Hayley22 HB User
Sexual abuse

Hi,

I was wondering if there is anyone out there that has been sexually abused and what effect that has had one your life? I have got better but have been scarred from it. I was abused by my grandfather from age 5 to 11 and it was horrible. I feel bad because I have 2 small children that I don't allow anyone to look after because I don't trust anyone the only person that I do trust ironically is my boyfriend the father, my mum and sister but my choice no-one at all I don't leave them with anyone unless I really have to. I have other problems such as confidence, and low self esteem and that.

if anyone else feels anything like I do would be good to hear from you and how things are.

Love Hayley x

 
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Old 06-10-2007, 06:54 AM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Sexual abuse

Hayley, you don't trust easily now. I don't blame you. Family members are supposed to love you and take care of you and when they abuse you for their own needs this really goes against what is good for you. Do you think that you have low self-worth because of the abuse? I mean if your own family mistreats you, what message does that send to you about your value? Hayley, you are very valuable. Your grandfather was just meeting his own twisted needs and he wasn't seeing your true value because he wasn't looking past his own needs. Hayley, I'm really sorry that this happened to you. You can recover from it, though, okay. You can realize your own true value now Hayley and you can learn to trust again and learn how to protect yourself (boundaries, and yours were violated at an early age). Please keep posting.

 
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Old 06-10-2007, 12:45 PM   #3
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Hayley22 HB User
Re: Sexual abuse

Hi sannah, Thankyou for your reply I have got better with how I see myself but I keep going up and down just now because I am with a partner that has an anger problem and talks to me like dirt and makes me feel bad - very manipulative also.

I will never trust anyone again I wasn't only abused but my mum was with a violent partner after my dad left for 12 years and that was intense was very abusive and a friend that I got close to as my mum was badly depressed and I was more like the mum there let me down badly she was my teacher who befriended me, she even took me to her house hugged me when I was down, saw me everyday at dinner in school, wrote to me, and phoned me in holidays and then just turned her back on me told the head teacher after 4 years that I was been clingy but never told him about taking me to house and letters like that it was only when my psychologist heard about this and confronted the head teacher that they knew it was her neglect not me I had proof that I had been through letters, my mates were aware that I had been to her house and things like that but more than that my mum told them.

I only really got out of all that at 18 when I moved in with my partner and I was trying to go througn therapy with him making me all on edge all the time been sarcastic, and shouting, also swearing at me then when I wanted to talk not listening to me at all saying I am boring and uninteresting when I confronted him about his behaviour towards me even in front of our children I don't like it and also it makes me feel horrible and lonely because I have no family around just his family so I have no-one to turn to I sometimes question whether it is me or not but then I think that he shouldn't talk to anyone the way he does. I just don't know what to do about it.

Hayley.x

 
Old 06-10-2007, 11:57 PM   #4
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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pucca_chick HB User
Re: Sexual abuse

hey! sorry to hear about what happened to you, have you found therapy or anything to help a lot??

im a bit like you, i was sexually abused from age 6-11(well around 6/7/8, we dont actually know when it started, but now my counsellor assessor recorded it likely to be around 6), by a neighbour. he was still a child but a good bit older than me, a teenager. i understand what you mean about trust, there is the logical part that says its ok, what are the chances, but then the doubt takes over and you just CANT. sometimes if you give into it, its worse. like the doubtful thoughts i have about everyone and what their actual motives are, if theyre telling the truth-have run me into trouble at times.its quite spectacular what i can come up with if you give me one sentence and leave me to think on it for 1/2 hour.

i think your relationship is unhealthy for someone who already has low self esteem-he should be sensitive to your needs. i think its time to get tough on him and let him know that he had better start listening, you are not a boring person, tell him this, you dont need to to be talked to like that and no1 should. how do you feel about talking with your boyfreind about this??

xox
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Old 06-11-2007, 08:31 PM   #5
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Sexual abuse

Hayley, I am sorry that you are being mistreated. Hayley, you do not deserve to be treated this way. You were abused as a child and probably learned to expect no better treatment. Hayley, please, you deserve better. Where is York?

 
Old 06-12-2007, 01:29 AM   #6
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msbibe HB User
Re: Sexual abuse

England.

Hayley, you DO deserve better and so do your kids. How many do you have and what ages?

I don't know what the first steps are to get into a better situation, but they are baby steps, starting to give yourself kind self-talk for one. ...even when it seems difficult, phoney or untrue. Fake it til you make it. "I am a loving child of the Universe and I deserve kindness and respect."

 
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