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Old 07-25-2008, 05:30 PM   #1
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mxchick HB User
Date Rape?

So.
Im an idiot
I trust people way to much
and take way too many risks..

and i know that..

but i went out in a big city last night by myself.. and met up with some random people..
anyway..
i think i had something put in my drink
i didn't drink that much for how much i blacked out and vomitted cuz i usually never have that happen.

anyway
all i remember is waking up puking
everything was like a dream to me.. im not really sure what happend if something did happen or what.
but i remember saying stop quit etc... i was like paralized and didn't know it was happening until i snapped out of it..

anyway
i told my fiancee about it.
and he's blaming it all me on.. which it is my fault.. but i 'd never cheat on him.. especially intentally - ive never had a one night stand and would never consider it -
anyway

my bf is blaming me and is leaving me for it.
i admit im stupid etc and its my fault for putting myself in that sitiation.
(im a model - and i went out alone wearing semi revealing clothes etc)

but i feel so gulity and i dont know what / how to explain it to him
please help

 
Old 07-25-2008, 05:42 PM   #2
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Re: Date Rape?

Maybe he doesn't really understand what actually happened. ! If you told him that you were unsure if something was put in your drink, then he probably thinks that you got really drunk and had sex with somebody but vaguely remember it. Maybe he thinks you beating around the bush telling him you cheated on him? Just clarify this with him. Tell him that you know the way you react to alcohal and that you are SURE someone slipped something in your drink, and if anything did happen, then it was rape. If he doesnt understand this then maybe you should think twice about him.

You should be more careful though, you could have been killed in a situation like that! It happens all the time! Good luck

 
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Old 07-25-2008, 06:01 PM   #3
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Re: Date Rape?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mxchick View Post
So.
Im an idiot
I trust people way to much
and take way too many risks..

and i know that..

but i went out in a big city last night by myself.. and met up with some random people..
anyway..
i think i had something put in my drink
i didn't drink that much for how much i blacked out and vomitted cuz i usually never have that happen.

anyway
all i remember is waking up puking
everything was like a dream to me.. im not really sure what happend if something did happen or what.
but i remember saying stop quit etc... i was like paralized and didn't know it was happening until i snapped out of it..

anyway
i told my fiancee about it.
and he's blaming it all me on.. which it is my fault.. but i 'd never cheat on him.. especially intentally - ive never had a one night stand and would never consider it -
anyway

my bf is blaming me and is leaving me for it.
i admit im stupid etc and its my fault for putting myself in that sitiation.
(im a model - and i went out alone wearing semi revealing clothes etc)

but i feel so gulity and i dont know what / how to explain it to him
please help
SOMETHING SOUNDS STRANGE AND ALMOST LIKE YOU EXPECTED THIS TO HAPPEN. GET TESTED FOR STDS AND PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND SAFE SO YOU DON'T END UP IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE

 
Old 07-25-2008, 06:17 PM   #4
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Re: Date Rape?

Anytime you have sexual relations with anyone with out your consent you are not at fault, and it's rape, whether it be someone you live with or don't know. Anytime!!!!! Even it was your husband that did it to you. It's the law in all 50states. If your boyfriend can't see that your the victim....I just would really be in doubt of what he is like...seriously. I think this would be called a red flag.


And I must add I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You didn't deserve it, You deserve the best that life has to offer in all ways. Huggs to you. Diana

 
Old 07-25-2008, 07:18 PM   #5
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Re: Date Rape?

So.. my fiancee just boke up with me.. saying its my fault
"going out alone and getting drugged and raped by random people ....you just killed me.. us.. its been a pleasure etc etc im getting my stuff and dropping off yours and its my rule to never speak to exes so have a nice life - i hope you dont get aids"

I'm falling apart here from what happend last night
now my fiancee is leaving me.. cuz i blacked out after being drugged --
i can't ake this ;(

 
Old 07-25-2008, 07:27 PM   #6
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Re: Date Rape?

I'm not at all saying that rape is okay...because it's definitely NOT. But, I remember you from previous posts asking why you always cheat on your boyfriend. So, based on that information, I'm wondering if your fiance just doesn't trust you so he doesn't believe that you were really raped. You said yourself I believe in other posts that you are very flirty with guys, so you probably need to be more careful when you get out. As I said before, rape is rape and there are no exceptions, so once again, I'm not saying you deserve it or it's your fault, I'm just saying there are precautions you can take to avoid it happening again.

 
Old 07-25-2008, 07:28 PM   #7
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Re: Date Rape?

Mxchick, sometimes honey blessings come in weird ways, I'm tell you, he wasn't worth it, if he could not support you on something this traumatizing and important then he isn't worth your tears.

Sure it hurts, it's going to because you've invested your time and heart into the relationship, he just didn't think you were worth the trouble, now does that sound like someone you want to put more time into?

I hope your smarter than that.

Be in charge of your feelings, no one can MAKE you feel anything that you don't want to feel. NoBody!


Huggs, again. Diana

Last edited by drs; 07-25-2008 at 07:28 PM.

 
Old 07-25-2008, 07:39 PM   #8
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Re: Date Rape?

Even if someone thinks your flirty. No one deserves to be treated this way. Yes you have to be more careful.

I think you have to try your hardest to be proud of your choices in life.
Do the right things as best you can.
Be more careful and wary.

I'm sure after an experience like this it opens your eyes to what could of happened. Things could of been way worse, like not waking up from this drug. Definitely get some blood test done.

Too bad you didn't go directly to the hospital for a rape test, at least you would of had documentation and DNA evidence.

It may be a time in your life that you need to take a deep look at the things you do to create the situations that are not right in your life. Thats a decision you have to make, then apply it. Diana

 
Old 07-25-2008, 08:20 PM   #9
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shorti HB User
Re: Date Rape?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mxchick View Post
So.


but i went out in a big city last night by myself.. and met up with some random people..


my bf is blaming me and is leaving me for it.
i admit im stupid etc and its my fault for putting myself in that sitiation.
(im a model - and i went out alone wearing semi revealing clothes etc)

but i feel so gulity and i dont know what / how to explain it to him
please help
noone deserves to be rapped so let me get that clear but there is always 2 sides to a story. i dont think it is acceptable for anyone in a long term relationship who is about to get married go out to a nightclub by herself in semi revealing clothes and meet up with randoms. if a man went out alone on these boards and met up with women, everyone on these boards would think he is a jerk. im very sorry that this happened to you but you should be out with your fiancee and not random guys. if my boyfriend went out alone at night to a night club and met up with randoms, id probably dump him too. my boyfriends best friend just dumped a girl who went out and gave her number to a random and started dancing with him and so he should dump her because noone deserves that either.

 
Old 07-26-2008, 09:56 AM   #10
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Re: Date Rape?

Hi Mxchick - I agree wi. Dr S. I'm really sorry this happened to you. Its happend to me twice, the drug in the drink thing, but I was able to get home & safe. I was very lucky. Dump the guy who thinks rape is OK if it happens in a certain way. AND, Shorti, this is the year 2008. Anyone can do what they want including going to a niteclub alone if thats what they want, and talk to women OR men. 1950's were over a long time ago. What your moving towards, is "She was asking for it." NOT!! Nobody wants to get raped. By the way , anyone can wear what they want , too, take a look around. MXchick, get counseling if it helps! It helped me! Move on, hold your head high. Hugs from me too. Sherbear38

 
Old 07-26-2008, 01:03 PM   #11
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Re: Date Rape?

I don't think Shorti meant her reply quite that way. She was saying that if her B/F went out that wouldn't be acceptable and it seems that this lady put herself in a very compromising situation. No, rape is never ok, and it shouldn't be an issue on what she was wearing. I should be able to dress the way I want and still expect people to keep their hands off me.

The point is.....your B/F is leaving you. I think thats the point anyway...but I also hope even if he does go that you have learned a lesson here that might in the future save your life. Never ever go out to a bar alone drinking with people you dont know. Take a girlfriend next time so you can have a back up. My girlfriend and I use to go out to bars a lot, but the rule was that if one of us drank enough that the other felt they werent making rational decisions she was then to take control...as in....neither was allowed to leave with a man. This only came in to effect once...when I felt she was a little too intoxicated to make the decision to leave with this gentlemen so I stopped her, he became angry...but she came home with me safely.

I think if you go out alone like this....you are taking risks that could be quite deadly. You were drugged and possibly raped.....next time you may not be able to tell what happened....please try to be safer.

Mileena

Last edited by Mileena42; 07-26-2008 at 01:05 PM. Reason: Bad spelling

 
Old 07-26-2008, 01:03 PM   #12
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Re: Date Rape?

there is such a fine line between consentual and non-consentual sex nowadays. There are definitely women who are drugged and raped. There are women who just get really, really drunk and a guy takes advantage and it's called rape. But then, there are women who put themselves in a situation where they drink a little too much and do something they regret. Let's face it, alcohol affects people differently at different times. You can have two drinks one night and get more drunk than having 5 on another night. Unless you've gone to a hospital and they've tested and found drugs in your system, you have no idea if you've been drugged. My point is, women need to be careful not to leave their drinks unattended, not to take a drink from a stranger, not to go out alone and fawn and flirt and make themselves appear interested in guys when they're with someone. This in no way makes it ok for guys to take advantage of women. Guys that do this stuff are sleazeballs and criminals. But why put yourself in a situation where it might happen?

mxchick, this is a bad thing that happened. Only you truly know if you were raped or if you just made a mistake. Your past posts indicate that this is a problem that's sort of been there before this, and sometimes alcohol just gives that extra courage to do it. Either way, it seems that this guy isn't the one for you and you should concentrate on getting to a place in your life where you are happy with yourself, responsible, and able to dedicate yourself to a relationship.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 12:32 AM   #13
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Re: Date Rape?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherbear38 View Post
Hi Mxchick - AND, Shorti, this is the year 2008. Anyone can do what they want including going to a niteclub alone if thats what they want, and talk to women OR men. 1950's were over a long time ago. What your moving towards, is "She was asking for it." NOT!! Nobody wants to get raped. By the way , anyone can wear what they want , too, take a look around.
as millena42 said, i did not mean it like you are saying. nobody can do what they want to do, im sorry but i disagree with you. if you want that attitude then why not be single? every relationship is different so therefore some relationships have different boundarys and to me a girl going out to a nightclub on her OWN might i add would not be acceptable to most boyfriends. just ask the guys on these boards. if she went out for a girls night, completely different but no she put herself in a compromising position by going out ALONE. are you saying in your relationship that you will allow your boyfriend to go out on his own and boogy on the dance floor with some random girls? and im sorry but once again you are wrong, i said that noone deserves to be raped so no i wasnt saying she was asking for it but there is always two sides to the story and going out ALONE to nightclubs would be unacceptable in most relationships. obviously her boyfriend is not happy about her going there alone so his wishes should also be respected. im sure he is not saying that rape is ok like you said, but maybe what she did dancing with men she doesnt know might be cheating on him. thats the way he sees it so that should be respected. of course people can talk to men and women but why are you meeting them in nightclubs where people are drinking and most guys there just want one thing anyway.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 05:16 AM   #14
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Re: Date Rape?

It would be nice if women could express themselves, own their own sexuality and dress as they pleased, but the sad fact is, men simply cannot be trusted. Men are not raised or socialized to take responsibility for their own sexual impulses, and they will take advantage, press their advantage, and rape if they can. You cannot assume you are safe to let your guard down around men, any men. They are bigger and stronger and in a physical hand to hand altercation, most women would lose against most men, especially if the woman is drugged, and most men simply don't have honor these days. It has nothing to do with what you have the right to do, it's what's safe and what's not safe to do. No, it's not your fault at all, but if you trust men less than you do, it might not have happened. It's simply not safe to just assume that you can let your guard down and "be free" around men and not expect them to take advantage of that trust to hurt you for their own purposes.

I'm also sorry this happened. But in the long run, it really sounds like you're much better off without your boyfriend. He is not loving, or supportive, or sensitive to what you have gone through, and that doesn't make for a good life partner. Even if he wasn't happy with you drinking and dancing without him, his attitude of "you got what you deserved" is just wrong, and cold. You don't need a man who won't stand by you during a time like this.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 09:57 AM   #15
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Re: Date Rape?

Other than the following comment, I won't get into this as I haven't read your posts.

You can/need to go to the hospital and get tested to find out WHAT they put in your drink.

My sister in law had something slipped in hers, they found her in a park...the hospital can test (and did in this case) for drugs and what kind...from there, REGARDLESS of whether you KNEW THE PEOPLE OR NOT. YOU MUST REPORT IT.

They may have similar situations happening....

 
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