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Old 11-30-2008, 10:38 PM   #1
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sexual abuse

my oldest daughter hates going to her dad's and my middle daughter hangs all over him always sitting in his lap and while with me she wants hugs and kisses very often and out of the blue.oldest is 14 middle one is 11 the baby is 10 and she has always been alittle strong headed but has gotten worse the last few months. i thought maybe the divorice had caused the changes but have been told they may be being sexually abused. this weekend my oldest daughter told me she saw daddy friend with white powder in a line on the kitchen counter someone help me figure out how to handle this. if he is taking them around friends doing these drugs then i suspect he may be doing them also and that it Is possiable he may be molesting my girls or at least one of them when you have 3 all having changes at the same time its hard to tell. i do know my ex has not started dating of even went out he spends all his time with these friends

i have met someone new who has brought this to my attention and refuses to be left in the same room with the girls alone he says he believes the two oldest girls were molested and that the youngest is being primed to be next because dad buys her everything. and he wants me to take them to the doc. before he will be alone with them even if i'm in the next room. any suggestions?

 
Old 12-01-2008, 01:07 AM   #2
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Re: sexual abuse

The "white powder" is enough reason to get an interim restraining order to withdraw access for the moment. While not minimizing your concerns at all, it is possible that the divorce would have unsettled them to this degree. I also think that, while taking them to a doctor is a good move, do not count on solving this straight away. The girls may clam up out of fear, or loyalty to their father. But they need protection as well. If your daughter told you about the drugs, she may be open with you if you gently ask her. I wish you all the best and hope they are OK. Sera.

 
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Old 01-11-2009, 04:23 AM   #3
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Re: sexual abuse

The sings of abuse are Waking up during the night sweating, screaming or shaking with nightmares.


Masturbating excessively.


Showing unusually aggressive behavior toward family members, friends, toys, and pets.


Complaining of pain while urinating or having a bowel movement, or exhibiting symptoms of genital infections such as offensive odors, or symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease.


Having symptoms indicating evidence of physical traumas to the genital or anal area.


Beginning wetting the bed.


Experiencing a loss of appetite or other eating problems, including unexplained gagging.


Showing unusual fear of a certain place or location.


Developing frequent unexplained health problems.


Engaging in persistent sexual play with friends, toys or pets.


Having unexplained periods of panic, which may be flashbacks from the abuse.


Regressing to behaviors too young for the stage of development they already achieved.


Initiating sophisticated sexual behaviors.


Indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person.


Engaging in self-mutilations, such as sticking themselves with pins or cutting themselves.


Withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities, like school or school performance change.


Asking an unusual amount of questions about human sexuality

IF you daughter is showing any of these signs you need to do something right away. As a child I was Sexual Abused by my uncle and at 26 it still haunts me. I now have a daughter who is 4, her father and I aren't together anymore, I worry so much about it.. I talk to my daughter all the time about no one is aloud to touch where your bathing suit touches, and you don't touch anyone else where that covers.. I make sure she knows she can talk to me about anything and what are good secrets and what are bad ones.. Just talk to your daughter let her know she can talk to you about anything you are always there for her. If you are really that worried Hun take her to a Psychologist they are really good at getting a child to talk about issues like that. The White power, I can say that If my daughter came home and told me that I would be on the phone to Friend of the Court so fast his head would spin.. You are your children's voice hun!

 
Old 01-11-2009, 08:34 AM   #4
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Re: sexual abuse

Great post above. Make an appointment right away to have all of them checked out. Ask them what is going on, let them know it is extremely important and you are there for them, but you need to know to protect them. I hate to say this, but having boyfreinds around during this age in their lives and a divorce and whatever is going on at Dad's house is creating mass chaos in their lives. I would wait until they are all 18 before dating and bringing that into their lives. In few cases it works out, but in most it is not good for the children and only further creates chaos, confusion, bad feelings, etc. Just focus on raising your children. They need to extra attention and care from their mother after a divorce and everything else is going on. With a boyfreind, now you have to worry about him not being in the same room and the children may act out.

Last edited by AlexaIn2006; 01-11-2009 at 08:35 AM.

 
Old 01-12-2009, 12:25 PM   #5
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Re: sexual abuse

After my parents got divorced, my sister was 14 and I was 11, and my sister wanted nothing to do with my father. In her eyes since he moved out, them breaking up was his fault. She never went to my father's apartment, and would hardly speak to him at family gatherings. I was always close to my father and I eventually moved in with him and my sister stayed with my mom. What I'm trying to say here is that there may not be any sexual abuse, she just may be resentful to your ex, thinking that its his fault you guys aren't a family anymore. There was never any sexual abuse in our family that I know of, but I know for certain that my father would NEVER lay hands on my sister nor I.

You need to follow your gut. And ask her about it. She may be more open to you than you think. Also though if there are drugs there around your children, I wouldn't allow them around him. You can take him to court on that one.

 
Old 01-13-2009, 09:45 AM   #6
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Re: sexual abuse

I agree with simplyheather on this one. The divorce alone could be the reason why your children dont particularly care to have anything to do with him. I have a 14 year old daughter who despises her father....and not because he is doing anything wrong, but because of our divorce. My son loves his dad, but he has his issues with him as well. So, they just may be acting out over the divorce. Divorce can be very hard, and usually is, on kids. Have you thought about putting them in any counseling?

HOWEVER....if you suspect drug use going on....I would definitely have that checked out. Talk to all of your kids about it and consult with your attorney.
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Old 01-13-2009, 01:49 PM   #7
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Re: sexual abuse

I agree with the other posters that the drug issue needs to be dealt with immediately. That's #1 on the agenda. I also tend to lean toward resentment by the girls causing their changed behavior. For some reason, a red flag went off with me when you mentioned the "new" person you met bringing up the sexual abuse issue and insisting you get the girls checked. It may all be very innocent and caring, but my "spider senses" are tingling with his suggestion that their dad is sexually abusing them. Please be very careful with men around your girls and don't be fooled by "caring attitudes". It's just my opinion and I may be way off base. I wish you well.

 
Old 01-15-2009, 01:53 AM   #8
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Re: sexual abuse

I would be more worried about your new boyfriend then dad,, I mean , I take it divorce is fairly recent, last 2 yrs or so,, yet you never noticed your ex doing anything odd with girls, , and more importantly, the girls were not exhibiting strange behaviour when you were together,, just NOW that you have this man in your life.

Frankly his "take them to the doctor suggestion" is plain CREEPY. What he wants them to all have female exams,, what a sicko. Yuck. My sister was abused by one of my moms boyfriends( she didn't have alot, only 2 that I ever recall) ,, and she acted up, but my mom figured it was the divorce... meanwhile it was the creep she brought into our home who LOOKED so nice.. I hated him, but he never touched me, and we never knew he did that to my sister till years later..

PS Why would you think sexual abuse just because your 10 yr old is seeking extra affection,, that is NORMAL ,, her dad left her ( in her mind) and she wants to be sure you won't either.

Get rid of new boyfriend.. he should have nothing to do with your kids, or how you raise them for many years,, he is not their dad, its none of his business.

Date, but keep men out of your house for at least one or two years,, a hello at the door, an occaisonal dinner in , but I hope he hasn't moved in,, too creepy..

I am acutally feeling ill writing this as I just have a really bad feeling.

 
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