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Old 12-01-2008, 12:54 PM   #1
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Therapeutic shut out

I am a 52 y/o male and was molested when I was a small boy. My first counselor at 17 thought I needed 'sexual surrogacy' to overcome fear and anxiety in school.
I still have fear and social anxiety but anytime I search for therapeutic help, I am refused by the providers I call ever since I disclosed what occurred to me by a professional over 35 years ago.
I have tried over 30 through the years without success, but the last woman held my insurance card and would not let me leave until she had told me I was a dangerous person and was going to be in a lot of trouble. That one was over a year ago and the worse.
I don't get it. I have never done anything to any of these people.
What's the deal??

 
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Old 12-01-2008, 08:33 PM   #2
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Re: Therapeutic shut out

I may be completely wrong, but I have two possibilities as to why these people won't give you the time of day. One, they don't want to face the fact that someone in their business could do something like that, and they don't want you there to remind them of that. Two, they might think that you're exaggerating and/or they're afraid that you have a malpractice attorney on speed-dial.

Do you usually tell them about your teenage "treatment" before they decide to accept you, or do you tell them once you're in treatment and get dropped like a hot potato?

If it's the former, I suggest not offering that information before treatment begins. It's a lot easier not to take in a patient then to dismiss them. If they ask about previous therapy, tell them you had some and it didn't work out. That's a serious understatement, but completely honest. If they press more, tell them that you don't feel comfortable with discussing that outside of therapy.

 
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Old 12-02-2008, 10:25 AM   #3
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Re: Therapeutic shut out

First, thank you for replying. It looks like the same treatment here on this message board.
I agree with all you say, and yes a majority of the providers I have seen came from the 60's and 70's and lived the free life style, making it difficult for much therapy to take place for me. Many are in worse shape than I am.
The younger ones are afraid of me as well, probably for just the reasons you describe. But at any rate, how do I circumvent this. How can I screen this predominant female profession, many of which prejuidiced by dysfunctional marriages/families/lives of their own, and not wind up in a situation like the last encounter I described?

 
Old 12-03-2008, 05:20 AM   #4
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Re: Therapeutic shut out

If you're worried about receiving inappropriate treatment, It's probably best to seek out a younger and/or male counselor. Those in their thirties grew up knowing from AIDS--and, for all the horrors that disease has, it certainly spelled doom for the "free love" culture. Having only sought out mental health care in the last seven or eight years, the thought of sexual advances or worse from a counselor is completely foreign to me. I suspect that even counselors from the old "free love" crowd have changed their ways--after all, they've been studying psychology for the past couple of decades. Most counselors will be good for you.

If you seem to keep running into "bad eggs", perhaps you're specifically choosing them the wrong way and need a different strategy. If you haven't yet, talk this over with your primary care physician; you've already got a working doctor/patient relationship going on there, and the doctor may be able to recommend somebody. If you've been doing that, maybe your PCP knows a bad set of counselors, and you should try something completely different, even random names from the yellow pages.

Also, remember that you're not a high schooler anymore. Back in high school, you and your counselor were in a teen/adult relationship, and so she was the authority figure and you the mere boy who had to listen to her. Today, you are at least an equal partner in any conversation with a counselor; if he or she says or does something disturbing, you are free to get up and walk out.

 
Old 12-04-2008, 10:12 AM   #5
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Re: Therapeutic shut out

It sounds like you've had really bad luck finding a good counselor. Have you called your local psychology association and requested referrals and then finding those who might be covered under your plan? There really are good therapists out there. Keep looking - you'll find one - don't give up!

 
Old 12-04-2008, 02:23 PM   #6
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Re: Therapeutic shut out

I concur completly Shellmiester, and thank you Jane. Dead on target about that old school group. New talent is the only reason I still have a desire to seek therapeutic advice. But you never know just how old, let alone their background until a least one billing cycle.
Why is the culling process always on my dime not to mention the potential danger?
Several years ago, I devised a litmus test to speed the screening process. After several minutes, I would introduce the question,"Just when is it ok for children to have sex?"
Even though I was never able to establish a therapeutic relationship longer than 6mo., it saved a lot of time and decreased the risk of being with a sociopath, not to mention the money. And you would be shocked how many sociopaths (pedophiles) actually have an active license.
The last old woman I went to held my insurance card refusing to allow me to leave until I had heard just how hard she worked to put herself through grad school and had the opportunity to call me dangerous and say I was going to be in a lot of trouble. Fortunatly she did not bill me, because if she had, I would have had a record from which to file a complaint against her with the board of registry.
How can I avoid that again. It takes months to get over, and makes my disposition to be labeled as having a personality disorder.
Thanx both of you, but I always look at my states on-line licensure verification before I call.
I just wished I could write them on-line before I called. Anything other than surprises. I have met some real sociopaths with a degree in social work....despite my paranoia.
Thanx all.

 
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