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Old 02-11-2009, 01:06 AM   #1
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Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

I'm a 24 year old who has been struggling with many issues since childhood. I've seen numerous therapists & have been to a rehab center before. Yet nothing seems to help. My father developed schizophrenia when I was about 5. Instead of taking the proper medication to help his illness, he proceeded to use drugs & alcohol to cope with it which inevitably made it worse. He's been in & out of hospitals for years. I only see him about once a year now. My parents divorced when I was 8. My relationship with my mother has never been close. She was extremely verbally abusive & sometimes physical. I started to sooth my pain with food early on. At 14 I weighed 250lbs. After being teased constantly by family & my peers, I had enough. I became bulimic then lost over 100lbs within a year. At 15 I was 5' 10" weighing 112lbs. Then spent 30 days in a hospital specializing with eating disorders. I did reach a healthy weight with time but never stopped binging & purging.

At 16 I dropped out of school after students heard what happened. I was to ashamed to go back. I moved in with a friend to get away from my mother. To get by with my bills, I worked under the table at a local bar. No one questioned my age. I rarely was carded when I went out. That's when the alcoholism kicked in. A year later I went to a party where I drank until I blacked out. I woke up naked covered in my own vomit & blood on a bedroom floor. This is how I lost my virginity. I felt at fault & never told anyone.

Relationships are very hard for me to have. In order for me to be physical with a partner, I binge drink. I tend to shut down with friends because I have a difficult time trusting others. I've been own my own for 8 years now & yet the cycle continues. There is no one in my family I can talk to. I'm not sure what to expect from sharing this. Was maybe hoping to find someone who could relate or get in contact with help.

 
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Old 02-12-2009, 12:11 AM   #2
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Re: Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

Hello megstag and welcome to the boards.

There are many caring and concerned individuals on this board (as well as other Healthboards forums).

Trust seems to be a hurdle which I am trying to build up enough strength to vault over myself.

Have you tried seeing a therapist; particularly one that specializes in trauma?

If you are up to it, please keep posting and know that you are not alone in the struggle.

Phoenix
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:03 AM   #3
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Re: Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

I think writing down your pain and trauma's is the hardiest thing to do. But it's a great first step. When I was 14 <I was raped>

Every GOD DAMN Valentines Day is a night mare for me because even today I still cant seem to figure out why he did that to a 14 year old girl who didn't even have the strength to say NO. Why didn't I just say NO?

Last edited by mod-anon; 02-14-2009 at 06:34 AM. Reason: edited triggering passages

 
Old 02-20-2009, 04:38 PM   #4
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Re: Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

HI Megstag,

you've been through a lot and I am sorry that that has happened to you - are you seeing a therapist? someone who could help you work through the pain inside, posting here helps - it has helped me survive, I hope there is someone you can talk to about this - take care MBC


Carisflyin,

i'm sorry, I know what you mean about anniversaries - I hope things improve for you soon and I hope you have someone to help you through this - take care - MBC
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Old 02-28-2009, 02:02 PM   #5
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Re: Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

hey hunnie my story isnt exactly the same..but i feel as if i can relate to you on some level..

im 25 yrs old..i also lost over 100lbs being bulimic..im still bulimic to this day i was 250lbs at my highest weight then at 17 i started to binge/purge..my lowest weight was 110lbs when i was doing cocaine...yeah i know its horrible...right now i weigh about 130lbs and im 5'7'' but i still binge/purge..

i dropped outta school when i was 16...my parents divorced when i was 10..my mom doesnt care about me and we arent close at all..i feel as if my dad cares more but he pretty much neglected me ...when i was 19 i came to nyc just to get away from them all..at one point..i didnt have money..and i resorted myself to do something i wish not to say on this board because im so humiliated and embarassed of my choice to do that..but i would have done anything not to go back to live with my parents..

ive been thru a lot but i see that u have been thru more...i tried to stop being bulimic but i just cant ...i have mood swings all the time and i know its because im not healthy..im just dying to tell someone all my secrets..but i just cant and i feel like no one would understand =/

i have a lot of other stuff but i just felt like this is kinda the way i may relate to u..and if u feel the same way i would love to talk to u ...just someone to help me and i can help u..at least to have someone to talk..

 
Old 03-02-2009, 03:09 AM   #6
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Re: Schizophrenia, bulimia, rape, alcoholism

Nikkinikkinikki-

I am not sure if you meant to send this to just me but I am here for you if you need to talk. I know what its like to have it all built up in side and have no way to get it out. Please feel free to talk to me any time you need it.

I am 26 and too have been through a lot in my life time. So please let me know if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

 
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