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Old 12-21-2009, 11:42 AM   #1
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Remembering a rape

Has anyone had the experience of remembering a rape (which happened as a teenager/adult) which they had blocked out the memory of for a long time? I think I'm going through this - I've had a couple of what I think are flashbacks and now when I see or think of certain things I feel shaky and scared and sick. A lot of things would be explained by it - recurring depression, anger, sexual problems, physical injuries (I have treatment and exercises for back injuries but have never known how they occurred - recently I had an image of being kicked in the back). I'm getting help from a counsellor but it's just up to me to allow the memories and I'm too terrified to do it. I keep trying to block any memory or feeling that comes up, I feel like I can't bear it. Has anyone been through this and can you give me any advice?

 
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Old 01-10-2010, 06:39 PM   #2
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Re: Remembering a rape

I can tell you that I had something happenn to me as a 17 year old that I still don't totally remember to this day and I am 49. I don't even want to remember it is so disgusting. I have remembered bits and pieces over the years. I do have a couple of friends who I have confided in and have told them what I remember. I really think that helped me. Maybe some day I will remember, but it won't break my heart if I don't. I hope you can talk to someone. Good Luck.

 
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Old 12-30-2010, 11:41 PM   #3
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Re: Remembering a rape

Hi there , yes i have been raped violently by my ex about 5 or 6 year ago. I remember most things but not everything. I never got help for it i been dealing with it alone for the past few years and its not been easy. I am finally seeing a therapist on 5th january to finally face what is haunting me and affecting my life and my state of mind/mental health to this day aswell as other bad issues i have had to deal with.

All i can suggest is counselling. Just wanted you to know i understand where you are coming from and wish could hug you and the other poster Jobumel in person but i am unable to so heres a virtual hug (((hugs)))

 
Old 12-31-2010, 08:07 PM   #4
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Re: Remembering a rape

My heart goes out to you. I know you're in an extremely difficult place. Unfortunately, it is very normal to feel and believe you can't stand it, don't want to know, and that you can't go there (toward the memories). It's like an anti-magnetic field or something. The trauma seems to push back and resist being known, and some really desperate and resistant emotions and denial tend to be part of the mix, too.

I'm 52 and still have no cognitive memories yet of the childhood sexual abuse I endured. (Well, you asked about teenage and adult abuse. Hope I'm not out of line replying. I have several online friends who repressed abuse from teen years and recovered those memories in middle age.) What I have experienced were sudden emotional abreactions that brought up tiny pieces of information. Like you, I've suffered a lifetime of symptoms and aftereffects.

No two people are the same in their recovery. I'm a strong believer in the value of the therapeutic relationship. I hope you have all the support you need. And take your time. The emotions surrounding abuse can be very intense.

Last edited by catiebee; 12-31-2010 at 08:10 PM.

 
Old 05-17-2011, 05:40 AM   #5
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Re: Remembering a rape

Hi, I am dealing with OCD. I have heard that OCD can be a result of having been raped in the past. A couple of months before knowing I had OCD (well being pretty sure of it anyway), I had a really creepy nightmare in which my father physically abused me when I was a toddler. There weren't any vivid horrific images in the nightmare, I just heard my father's voice confessing he abused me. I calmed myself down by telling myself it was just a nightmare and didn't mean anything, but since yesterday I've been having obsessive thoughts about whether or not my father actually could have abused me and my mind blocked it until now. I know that my father looked after me a lot when I was a baby. I'm not sure I'm completely ready to face the truth. What do you think? Was that a dream flashback?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 05-17-2011 at 09:58 PM.

 
Old 05-17-2011, 10:53 PM   #6
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Re: Remembering a rape

I too repressed a rape when I was 16, I'm now 43. I can't shake the whole thing, as the memories come and go, and I'm angry and simply want to confront all of the jerks involved. My stomach is sick just reading 2 threads thus far. --Hugs-- to those who know where Im coming from. Im sorry there are so many of us.

JobuMel, I repressed this at 16 years old for 8 years. I remember holding my 2nd child in my lap and reminiscing with an old friend who brought his name up. It was at that split second I nearly dropped my kid and remembered some of what happened. To this day I still cant remember ALL of it, just bits and pieces. I 'want' to remember but have never tolerated the doing so in therapy. I have spent MANY years dealing with depression (debilitating depression), I have little-to-no sex drive, very poor self esteem, etc.. It certainly hasnt been easy.

I totally agree you have to be receptive in order for the memories to return. Like you, I think Im blocking them too. I want to remember but I just dont want the pain that comes with it so perhaps my brain says no until Im willing to have it all, I dunno. Best of luck tho..

 
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