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Rape / Sexual Abuse Message Board
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Old 10-01-2002, 05:58 PM   #1
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Snagglepuss HB User
Is this considered rape?

ok one of my good friends was kinda half raped. see her ex boyfriend (they were together at the time) was mad because she wouldnt put out to him (because she didnt love him)

and they were at the skate park after going swimming and she was in a swim suit and he asked to finger her... she said no but he did it anyway. she tried to stop him but luckily it didnt go any further than that. is that really rape?

i feel so bad for her but she made me promise not to tell anyone. i tried to convince her to tell someone on her own but she wont.

at least their not going out anymore and she's with a new boyfriend who's really nice and woudlnt do something like that to her.. at least i dont think so. but i didnt think that her ex would do that either. what should i do? should i tell someone and break her trust or keep my mouth shut until she askes for my help?i just feel so bad for her

 
Old 10-01-2002, 06:37 PM   #2
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lilrayofhope HB User
Re: Is this considered rape?

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to your friend. But I'm glad she's no longer seeing him and seeing someone much better. As far as if it's rape. Yes, I think it is. If she didn't want it and he did it anyway, then he stepped beyond her bondaries. However, she is the ONLY one that would be ever to determine if it was rape. If she felt that she was raped, odds are....she was.

-Carlie

P.S. Also remember to tell her that she's no way responsible for what he did. It was his bad move, not hers. And also, don't feel bad for posting, you're just trying to help her out. I don't think you're really breaking your promise. She'll appreciate it that you cared, I'm sure.

 
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Old 10-02-2002, 12:10 PM   #3
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nicola76 HB User
Re: Is this considered rape?

Any unwanted/forced sexual act is considered rape and/or sexual assualt.

Also, Carlie is right. Make sure your friend knows that she's done nothing wrong. Maybe your friend would consider speaking to a school counselor?
You're being a great, caring friend just being there for her.

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif"> Nic

 
Old 10-02-2002, 03:02 PM   #4
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xaphania HB User
Re: Is this considered rape?

i just want to say that this jerk needs to learn his lesson. women are not to be treated this way. he needs to learn that no means no. what he did is sexual assault and your friend should really tell someone about it. of course it will be hard for her, she doesn't want to make something that incriminating public, but he needs to be punished for this.

 
Old 10-02-2002, 07:06 PM   #5
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DazedandConfused23 HB User
Re: Is this considered rape?

Lawfully speaking, it was not rape but sexual assault, either way, it is wrong and no man has the right to touch any woman without her consent! Your friend has nothing to be ashamed of, i know you already told her that she should go and tell someone, but sometimes when this happens to someone, she feels used and ashamed and a flood of emotions goes through her to the point that she turns the situation onto herself and somehow it becomes her problem, and that she might actually think she did something to provoke this awful incident, so telling someone feels like she is doing something wrong.....Well this is how i felt when i was raped at 15, i am now 24, i never had any kind of sexual relations before that time, and i can tell you, it was the most scariest thing i ever had to go through...even to this day i have trouble trusting guys, it seems like every relationship i went through ended with me being hurt in some way. After this happened i met my ex BF at 17 he was 24, things were going great until 5 years into the relationship he started drinking heavily and taking his frustrations out on me, i could not go out with my friends because he would accuse me of cheating on him, but i was smart i left him, he took it real hard, i had to change my number to an unlisted number so he could not phone anymore, i know he knows that he did wrong, but i could not take the chance that he would change if i went back with him. After that relationship i had one after the other bad dates and relationships, ending with the guy cheating on me, but fortunatly i found the greatest Boyfriend in the world, he tells me constantly that he loves me, we are expecting our first baby in May, and now looking for a bigger place for our little family...........but it don't matter how nice he is or what he says to me, i still have that doubt inside of me that has been etched in me since i was young..it is not him but me...but i knows he loves me, it is just something i have to let go of and i am doing really good in breaking my protective shell of mine <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

My advice to you and your friend is that if she does not want to talk to anyone about it, be there for her, if she is really distraught about it, tell her that you r there to help her, maybe in time she can ger up the courage to tell someone, but until then don't presure her in telling someone until she is ready, even though you might feel that this ex BF of hers should be punished, just let her heal first, and then she will be able to talk to someone.....sure it took me years to talk about what happened to me, my parenst did not even know until the police showed up at my door!!, they were really shocked and cried for a long time, the police had to tell them because i was a minor at the time, even now i know it was not my fault, but still somehow in the midst of all this drama going on in my life back then i convinced myself that i provoked this behavior someway, I kept on asking "Was it what i was wearing?, Did i do something to give him the idea?", things such as that, and sometimes people can be mean sometimes about it when you talk openly about something such as this, one time when i was at work this girl i worked with thought her life was in shambles because she did not know if she should keep going out with her BF because she cheated on him with multiple other guys, she was going off her head saying that no one could of had a harder life than her right now because she has to deal with this, and she was serious, i thought that this was so ridiculous, i told her everything that happened to me(now, i never said this to her because i wanted pity or anything because that is the last thing i want because i am a strong person and i think i should not tug at someone's pity to get me through my life, i just wanted her to know that bad things happen in the world, and i know their r many other people in this world that r way worse off than me, i had to tell her that what she is going through is really idiotic i thought because she did the cheating, she knew what she was at, it was a self inflicted problem, even though she really might have thought that her lfe was going to end.)
She had the ordasity to tell me that it must have been the way i was dressed or the way i actedbecause people just don't get raped they ask for it some how....well then i got disgusted and walked away, because then i knew i was talking to an ignorant( not learned or polite )person, and i just wasted 10 mins of my breath on her....................

Whew!!, that was long,i never meant for me to ramble on like i did <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/gabby.gif"> very sorry bout that!, Just be there for her when she needs you <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

Take Care and God Bless!

<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif">DazedandConfused23 <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif">

 
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